KICK IT | JENLISA

104

Jennie

Death scratched holes in my heart.

Every day I wake up to a new reality, cold, quiet, and cruel. A piece of me is missing. A piece I'll never get back.

I pushed a sharp exhale up to my ceiling. Sometimes I wished my brain had an off switch. Or my heart had stopped so it wouldn't break with every beat.

Sure, I could've brushed Lisa off as mindless, and detached sex. But it wasn't, not to me. I hadn't stopped thinking about her. The heat in her eyes, the slick on her skin, her warmth wrapped around me, and the fullness she thrust into me awakened throbs of ache between my legs to tingles of sensitivity.

More than that were the pains in my heart. A different sense of pain nestled between its permanent cracks, and the bitterness of betrayal seeped through my veins like poison. I missed her company, the tiny lift in the corner of her mouth when I teased her, and the unrelenting way she tried to crack open my secrets. I wasn't anyone's problem to fix but if asked to pick a shoulder to cry on, at one point I would've wished for hers.

None of these feelings mattered. I was done with Lisa Manoban. She was exactly who I always knew she was. A player. A cheater. Being the first person – fuck, the only person – I slept with since Taehyung was insulting.

The mess of words sprawled over my lap offered none of my journaling's usual comforts. Fireworks of ink blots blurred the words one fallen tear after another.

If life is cruel then time is its bitch.