KICK IT | JENLISA

23

Jennie

Shoving my chair back, I needed to walk away before I hurled the profanity accumulating in my brain without a filter. Taking a page from Irene's book, the newlywed couple opened their home and offered me a room until I was stable enough on my own feet. Except for their hushed conversation, the house stayed silent. I grabbed my bag and deposited my dirty clothes into the washing machine.

Warm water in my shower did nothing to ease the stiffness in my muscles. They locked up when my shoulders wrenched up to my ears. Finally, alone, the dark thoughts tapping at the edges of my mind returned. Not that I would thank her, but Lisa's asshattery distracted me until now.

A shuddered breath passed between my lips. Under the spray, my eyes burned. I clenched them shut and dipped my head. The max temperature wasn't hot enough; my palms remained cold and clammy. My empty stomach contracted so hard, I gagged on my saliva. Pain crushed my chest. I dipped lower until my chin bumped into my pink-tinged skin. Thick swirls of steam choked the air.

"Taehyung, why did you have to leave?" My words were more spat out water than volume, each one tearing into me. My heart pounded against my compressing chest, and I shook with a gasped sob. One turned into five. Hot and damp air burned my lungs.

A hand turned off the water. Softness wrapped around me, a towel. Irene's hands patted my shoulders, then wrapped me up. Quivers vibrated my lips. "I remember when I needed you to do this." she whispered. "Jackson knows that he crossed a line."

"He doesn't do anything without reason." I tucked the towel under my armpits, the wet soles of my feet chilled by the tiles.

The scrutiny of Irene's gaze burned the back of my head. "Have you cut it since..."

"No." The damp, black, uneven, and split-end strings that reached my sacrum weren't up for discussion.

To no surprise, Irene followed me. I entered the spare room she and Jackson offered me with an undetermined expiration date. Her gaze only offered concerned gaze. Had our terms and conditions changed? Irene and Jackson would never kick me out but maybe me burdening their growing family prompted a self-eviction notice.

Not even the garbage truck woke me up every Monday morning, so new-born cries wouldn't have dislodged me from sleep. I proved that when I lived surrounded by new families on base. Getting to sleep in the first place was the issue. Sheer exhaustion led to either restless or near-comatose nights.

My child-sized bed was perfect for their use. I bought the smallest bed possible when I moved in, a tight fit given my height. The room was big enough to accommodate my queen-sized bed, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep in it alone anymore.

Leaving our bed behind was one of my hardest post-Taehyung decisions. Sleeping in a brand-new bed was easier than pretending the space he left behind didn't bother me, especially once his scent disappeared. Filling it with a body-sized pillow, or a sex doll as I humourlessly joked, spritzed with his cologne was inappropriate.

Hopefully, I wasn't that far gone. The first few months after Taehyung left me were a blur. Two years, and I had no fucking clue how I even got through those dark times other than alternating between uncontrollable tears, zombie-like shock, and numbness. How he left me, how I failed him, crushed my soul to the point of questioning my existence.

Eventually, I got frustrated enough with my bare minimum existence to assign myself menial tasks. Despite their crushing pressure to perform, I exerted my best efforts. Eating was forced. Showering was hard but necessary. I needed six months before I comfortably left the house, prompted only by the time limit on my GI bill.

Little by little, I stole back fractured pieces of my life. Irene and Jackson were lifesavers, but it was exhausting. On the exterior, I was a fighter. Inside... I was too tired to admit my faults.

"Jackson's perspective has shifted." Irene's voice brought me out of my distracted thoughts. "It has made him... philosophical."

"You mean overbearing and boundary stomping?"

Her hand rubbed the hope blooming inside her stomach. Her last piece of Mino, which I prayed made its way into the world, was the product of both a miracle and modern science. "We've both changed, Jennie."

She didn't detail the depths of their selflessness because she didn't need to. Her sympathetic smile and unwavering hand were enough.

My brother became a different person after I introduced them. With no doubt in my mind, his behaviour changes were for the better. He gravitated away from his selfish, self-indulgent lifestyle choices and gave a rat's ass about others' feelings. Instead of partying to impress, Jackson preferred his family's company at home. Irene had that effect.

"Just meet with Lisa." Her eyes pleaded. "I'm sure you can come up with a compromise. Let Jackson mediate."

Whatever Jackson's motivations were for Lisa, they weren't for my brother's benefit. And while I seriously doubted that they were to my benefit, I owed Jackson after getting fired. I slid my eyes closed and sighed. "Fine."

"Good." She sat on the edge of my bed and pulled back my blankets for the cosiest invitation. "Now, tell me about this bullshit day."