KICK IT | JENLISA

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Jennie

I wasn't ready to finish my 'oh fuck' thoughts. She unlocked physical feelings that swelled and crested with tears in my eyes. Fear gripped the edges of my heart. I was on the pill but knew nothing about Lisa in this capacity. We progressed from a light kiss to...

My breath hitched. The room was too small. Her body was too large, her perspiration too musky, and her heat too scorching hot. Pain crept into her eyes as I shrunk down and disentangled my limbs from hers.

A kiss on my forehead was too tender. Suffocation choked my lungs.

I need to leave. This was - fuck, reckless.

Lisa pulled back and wrapped her arms around me. As she squeezed me to her chest, she softened and released more fluid between my thighs. Ragged breaths stole my voice. She withdrew, then pulled me into her lap and hugged me closer.

"Jennie."

Like she consoled a child, her palm cradled the back of my head and guided my cheek to her chest, no, her heart. The rapid thumps filled my ear as she expanded and contracted with each breath. It rippled comfort through me.

I choked out a raspy breath.

A sniffle tickled my throat, followed by another round of tears. They stained my cheeks, dripping onto her heated skin and trailing out of sight. My spine trembled under the weight of her embrace. Her tender care was too much. What I meant to her was too much.

"Shhh..." Her arms tightened around my back. Determination filled her voice, "I got you."

She held me until the tears subsided, the shaking dissipated, and my breath steadied. I cleaned myself and redressed with my eyes averted and my cheeks warm. A cautious look of awe hung in her gaze, but a warm smile never left her mouth.

Once my hand turned the front door knob, Lisa's quiet voice drew me back. "Can we talk about it?"

The sight of her hands stuffed in her pockets and her heavy gaze suffocated me. "I... need to process this, Lisa."

"Do you regret it?" Her eyebrows drew together, wrinkling her forehead. "I sure as fuck don't. You're all I..."

"No." Quivers returned to my lower lip and my voice rasped. "Lisa, I can't..."

"Can we talk about it?" Her voice tightened from a gentle question to an urgent request. "If it's about your ex, then let me help you get ov..."

"No one can help me, Lisa." The plea in her eyes tore into my heart, already crumpled under the disillusion clouding my brain. She didn't understand, but I wouldn't ever get over Taehyung, not without hating myself in the process.

Lisa's words, "It's not weak to need someone." slapped the back of my head. I only had one response in me, turning around and pressing my lips against hers. The warm, soft contact sparked warm reactions in me. My heart lifted like a ray of sun burst through a storm of dark clouds. For one brief, raw moment, I was... happy.

What we did was rushed and frantic, but she was gentle and patient. It was a perfect mix of slow, desperate, and messy. My body glowed with content.

I shouldn't feel like this.

A lump of guilt swelled in my stomach. If I needed any reminder of how messed up I was, it was the guilt that arose from not feeling guilty. Each time Lisa asked if I was okay or offered a warm touch, it grew larger and heavier.

I couldn't retreat to my truck fast enough, away from the confused look in Lisa's eyes. With trembling hands, I drove two streets before the road blurred from sight. I collapsed into the black hole in my chest. It sucked down all the lightness, the euphoric pleasure that coursed through me. The black emptiness I deserved to carry returned and spread through the rest of my body. It weighed down my limbs and sagged my shoulders.

"Fuck..." I pulled over and grounded my forehead into my steering wheel. Taehyung's steering wheel. "What have I done?"