I Devour the Multiverses and Collect Worlds, Beauties, and Trophies

Apparently I'm Funny

I decided to place a barrier around the mansion, then tried out my divine sense by scanning the place. There were quite a few people inside the mansion, and I wondered how I should enter. I kind of wanted to do a cool entry of blowing through the wall and decided, I'm powerful enough to enter however the hell I want!

I picked out the person who I thought was the owner of this fine mansion and cast an explosive spell on the wall to his side. He seemed to be in a large office from what I saw with my divine sense.

Boom!

The mansion shook, and many windows shattered. People inside started screaming, but I just ignored them.

I jumped through the large hole in the wall and made a superhero landing, which elicited Lila's laughter from behind me.

"Hey, what's so funny? Aren't I cool!?"

She was doubled over clutching her stomach, "you look so stupid squatting like that! Gotta take a shit?" Howls of laughter followed behind.

I started thinking about it from the perspective of someone who didn't grow up watching movies and realized it was, in fact, a weird pose.

I stood up and cleared my throat grumbling, "I'm so misunderstood! I need to find an Earth girl to share a normal conversation with in my future travels."

I walked over to the fat 50s-ish man with glasses on the floor; my mood was a little ruined, and he was just the guy to relieve my irritation.

Lila jumped in through the hole behind me while wiping tears from her eyes, still giggling.

I pulled out the peeler and held it to the guy's cheek, "you're going to answer all my questions, right?"

He nodded vigorously, clearly terrified, "yes!"

"Was my pose funny?"

His terrified face took on a hint of 'WTF?', "No, it wasn't!" He said with the confidence a politician would be proud of.

I jerked the peeler down, taking off a strip of flesh; he screamed, and I cast a silencing spell on him, "Wrong answer, the right answer is 'Yes,' because the woman is always right."

His mouth was open in a silent scream as blood gushed from his cheek. When he ran out of breath, he looked at me hatefully, his eyes trying to ask how he was supposed to know that.

"Now, was my pose funny?"

I removed the silencing spell; he nodded, "Yes, it was very funny."

I peeled off another strip from his other cheek and cast a silencing spell before he could make irritating noises again, "shouldn't you be trying to please the person with the peeler against your face?"

His face was already ugly from screaming and crying and now also looked like he'd spurt blood from anger.

I sighed, "Looks like you won't answer my questions correctly. Should I peel off more ahead of time or ask another question?"

I acted like I was pondering it for a bit while he shook his head like a madman.

"Don't ask another question yet? Alright, we'll do it your way."

He tried waving which made his arms get in the way, and I stomped on his shoulders; the sound of bones crunching came from underneath my boot.

The snap crackle pop sounds reminded me of those cereal boxes from Earth; this is much louder than those little noises ever were. You had to almost hold your ear to the bowl to hear a thing!

He looked like he was about to pass out, so I cast a little magic to prevent it; it was originally magic to prevent someone from passing out after an injury so they would have a better chance of living to see a healer, but it works for my purposes also.