inferno // l.s.

mylo's letter

mighty midas,

as stated in the 3 pages before this, fuck you. all of you. every bit and piece that was strung from your explosion, every tooth gem you have applied in your lifetime, every tear, drop of blood, drop of spit, sweat, and poison. fuck all of it. i hate it. i hate you. i never understood how i fell in love with you in the first place when i realized just how much of a demon you really turned out to be.

all those times you were locked up for days or weeks or months at a time, nobody looked down on me. they treated me with the utmost dignity and respect and i think that is the only thing i could ever give you props for. you told them if they ever crossed me, you would have their heads, and they respected you enough to treat me as one of their own, as a brother. adrian kept me in line those days you were gone, always making sure i ate because i was too stressed to even have the thought of eating cross my mind. he tended to your deals for me while i worked on your meetings with other gangs. he snuck zayn over so i could see him for the first time in ages.

you never realized just how difficult it was for me to be away from my lifeline except for when i ran off to paralyzer. zayn needed me just as much as i needed him and you made me out to be a shitty friend.

it got to the point i had to pick and choose between you and him. i chose him. i will forever choose my little brother over a man that can't even look me in the eye and admit he fucked someone else before coming home to me. i did everything for you. i bent over backwards, sacrificing my life and education so your ego would inflate and that godlike complex could save the day.

remember the time you told me i would never amount to anything? i'm there. getting there, at least. i passed my first year of college, now halfway through my second, and i'm caught up with everyone in my graduating class. zayn and i have our apartment and i have a new car that harry paid for because my mercedes got trashed.

remember him? the one who removed your wickedness, only to replace it with sunshine? he's been my rock through most of these things. granted the situation was quite funny, if you ask me, because harry was the last person i expected to remove you from humanity. i thought it was going to be adrian, or even me. i had it all planned out. i didn't try, though. i just left.

you didn't like the way i would hold my ground, yet you loved it at the same time. i think that was the scariest part about you, except for the time you held a gun to my head and told me i would never see another light of day if i ever thought about leaving. you didn't kill me when i left. i was waiting for it. the day you popped back into the apartment after stealing my house key was when i knew you would never kill me. it would have killed you to do so.

how did it feel, mylo? did you get that feeling of your life flashing before your very eyes? he wasn't gentle with you. he showed you malice and didn't back down when it came to killing you. he told me what he did, and i knew then, that i wouldn't have to worry anymore. as sick as it sounds, knowing harry could do that to the one person that killed me on the inside made me feel that i had nobody else to fear. he would take care of it. he told me he didn't kill you for me or because of me. he said you did one of his friends dirty.

part of me feels, though, that he wouldn't have done you so bad if he didn't know what you put me through.

he saved me. adrian saved me. you never did. there were nights i cried myself to sleep wondering what i did so wrong, why you treated me the way you did, when i was nothing but good to you. i gave you all of me only for you to give me nothing in return. cold shoulders, hateful words, bruises, cuts, burns, and scars so traumatic i had to get them tattooed over. you hurt me the worst in those places and i couldn't bear the thought of looking at them ever again.

i do want to say thank you, though. for showing me your dark colors, because now i look at a rainbow i get to call the real person i am in love with. he's been everything you never were. he is patient. he is gentle. he is loving. he has never called me out of my name if i have made him mad. i'm sure i've pushed his buttons, but he has never shown it if so.

harry lets me paint his nails and wears matching jewelry with me, something you never enjoyed the idea of. he doesn't shoot down my offers. he looks at me the way i wished you did, but i'm glad you never attempted.

we have a cat. her name is emma. she reminds me of micah, my kitten you hurt because of your drug use. micah used to sleep by my head every night. emma did the same for a while, but now she sleeps at my feet.

he saved my life, mylo. he saved me from you. without realizing it he has helped me become the person i wanted to be. free. happy. glad to open my eyes the next day. he doesn't make me wish death upon myself. he doesn't belittle me or insult me even when i know i look a hot mess when i wake up. he compliments every part of me, inside and out. he listens. he helps. he provides a safe space for me and my fucked up head. if i'm being honest, i expected him to run. but his stubborn ass stayed and hasn't left my side. he's helped me with therapy, with my college classes, with myself, really. day by day i mend these broken pieces you created and he just sits there, waiting with open arms and a clear head.

never did i love you the way i love him. it would be a real embarrassment if so.

never will i be "baby montana" again. for now, i am "bunny". i hope that i will forever be bunny.

fuck you in the worst way possible. i pissed on your grave, and pray everyone else spits on it.

goodbye forever, midas amitri montana.

- your widower, lou