inferno // l.s.

thirty nine

19K??????!?!!!!!!?!?!! AAAHHHHHH

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after louis' appointments, he journals each session with what he and calum have talked about. he writes down different techniques to soothe his anxiety, and to rest his mind before bed. he likes calum. mitch did not disappoint. calum is a very great listener, and he gives good advice on certain topics.

triggers have been established between everyone. they've come to the conclusion that louis' main one is, at the moment, inferno. when people went around asking what happened and kept trying to get information on luke from louis, he realized this was going to be a problem. fights happen, drama ensues. that's your average workplace, especially in an environment like a strip club.

when it got to the point that the constant staring and whispering became a daily thing in his shifts, he couldn't do it. it happened when he got in the argument with dani and leah. being accused of them losing their jobs behind his back, some of the girls lying and saying louis put their hands on them, it was easy for him to dismiss those comments by telling the truth. they were talking shit, he told them to cut it out, they stole his things. vandalizing his property and turning a small thing into something unnecessarily large, and they violated club policies by doing drugs with clients.

but this? how can he tell the truth about this? "luke thought i was behind his brother's death." what kind of accusation is that? that's not something you hear everyday.

it's actually been kind of nice not having to circulate his life around the club. he has more than enough money to sit on, pay his dues with, and live off of for a little while. if there was anything he needed that he couldn't afford, zayn would instantly pay the difference. that's been one of their routines for the longest time. it's more of a last resort kind of thing, but it's there. he hates asking for help so he probably wouldn't even mention it. he'd just go without.

he's still having sleep problems. if they're bad enough, he'll walk around harry's house with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders for security. if he's at the apartment and nobody else is home, he drives to harry's so he can be with him or has harry come over. harry has been the little spoon for four consecutive nights and neither one of them have waken up due to terrors.

if louis is at home and zayn is there, he crawls into zayn's bed and lays his head on his lap while the younger boy plays video games. zayn usually connects his spare controller so louis can play and get his mind off things until he's confident he can fall asleep, then they share the bed.

he's read a few books. he's been doing schoolwork but he hasn't gone balls to the walls with his assignments like he did last semester. he takes his time, studies with harry, and uses the methods the man gave him to comprehend his work better.

anything that he wants to do, gets done. he wants to go on a drive? harry's on it. he wants to just take a bath with the lights off? candles, bubbles, and a glass of wine are waiting on him. he's gotten himself into more self-appreciative things like new skin care routines and having heart to heart conversations with the cat. where he's been staying at harry's for the past almost week, they both get up early, sit at the kitchen table with a cuppa and watch the birds in the back yard while louis documents his plans for the day. even if it's something simple like 'take a walk' or 'tell harry he's pretty so he blushes like a little girl', it gets jotted down.

harry's noticed a difference already. he can tell that louis isn't as tense as he was before. he uses the techniques provided. he finds something in his day to make someone happy, but all he has to do is look at harry and he's sold.

he doesn't press on what they talk about during their sessions, especially on days where they've had heavy talks. if lou wants to discuss then that's on him. if he doesn't, that's okay. this is for him to learn, to cope, and to move forward. this is for him to grieve appropriately, to understand, and to better maintain his internal conflictions. everyone has a starting point. after that, they write until the epilogue.