A Trios Love (MxMxM)

43: Guilt

When I woke up not screaming, no bad dreams and actually feeling like I slept, I thought Josh had magical powers. They were both still asleep and I was enjoying it. Will had snuggled more into my back and Josh has nuzzled his head into my hair. I wonder if that really is comfortable for him. I bask I'm both of their foresty smells. Will had a lavender mixed with a forest fire smell, too a small degree but I could still smell it and Josh had a smell that reminded me of an open flower field mixed with freshly cut grass.

They were kind of in sync with their breathing as well, Josh was twice as fast as Will but will was hitting every second breath of his, I focused on it too hard that I messed up my breathing and I had to go manule for a second untill I got into beat.

"Morning baby." Will gruffly says into my back. I could tell his eyes weren't open yet, he pulled me closer to him and I let out a soft giggle.

"Josh is still asleep." I whisper. He let out a grummbly hum and nuzzled further into my back.

"No he isn't." Will mumbled. I asked him how he knows and he mumbled a small. "He's playing with my hair." I look over and see that Josh's right hand is playing with Will's hair as his left hand is wrapped around my waist.

"Morning little pup." He mumbles his voice vibrated against my head making me laugh.

"How was your sleep?" Will asked placing a kiss to my back.

"It was good. No nightmares this time."

"Yay, I'm so happy for you." Josh congradulates softly placing a little scratch on my back, causing a small blush to run along my cheeks. I try to snap myself out of it, attempting to focus on Will and only Will.

"Come on, it's breakfast time." Will sat up removing his hands from me while he stretched. Josh replaced them hugging me. He nuzzled into me complaining.

"Its too early." He groanedhugging me now. I agreed, I wanted more sleep or at least some rest.

"Come on you're both awake, besides it's 8 o'clock it's not that early." Will tried to reason.

"I agree, to early." I gave up on the focusing thing and hugged him back. Pushingmyself further into his hold. He tightened his grip and I could tell he had gone back to sleep.

"Fine, you two sleep in, I need to go talk to dad. I gave a nod, not even thinking about it untill he left. My stomach wrenched and I held tighter onto Josh trying to remember the words they both whispered to me the other night.

"Its okay little pup, you're doing great." Josh suddenly says.

"I thought you went to sleep?" I asked after the words left his mouth.

"Nuh, just resting my eyes. He'll be back."

"How did you know that's what I was worried about?" I questioned snuggling in to his hold in search of comfort.

"Your heart quickened when he got up to leave and that's what you were worried about when you were little, so I just put two and two together." His voice was less gravely now, less deep. I guess he's waking up.

"Stop knowing how to read people." I pout. He just chuckled and whispered praise into my ears, treating me like I was little.

"He'll be back soon. You're doing amazing little pup." Even though I seemed like I hated it, it was soothing to hear. Will ended walking in with a smile on his face.

"How are you doing little butler?" He asked walking up to the bed. And rested his hand on my head.

"I'm fine Will." My heart rate went back to normal. And I wasn't as worried. "What is it you wanted to talk to me about yesterday?" I ask escaping Josh's hold and sitting up stretching my arms and legs  preparing myself for what he has to say as he couldn't say it to me when I was little. The whole aura of the room changes. The tension was as solid as a tree.

"Well." Will began with a sigh. Josh sat up and he also had a seriouse face on as well. Fear began to rise however I pushed it down. "We believe you have separation anxiety." He says point blank not beating around the bush. I sag with my mouth slightly agape. "With both Josh and I." Will added on. It would explain alot. The constant worrying of either of them even leaving the room. The crying and screaming I would ensue when one of them was out of my sight.

"I... don't know what to say to that?" I mention just thinking about all the worry and fear I know I will feel and have felt. I haven't really stopped thinking about the fact that Josh has to leave at some point today. I bring my knees to my chest and just think for a moment.

"Its my fault." Josh speaks up after a moment of silence. I look towards him in confusion. "If I hadn't taken you, if we had done some recall, I should have known. If I hadn't taken you you wouldn't be suffering right now." He explained looking down in guilt.

"But if you hadn't taken me I wouldn't know you." I try to make him feel better. "We all make mistakes." I add on for good measure.

"He's right. Besides it was forming way before you. The nightmares started up again, but about something different, he had a couple stomach aches and headaches and other issues a week before you; which i read was something to do with seperation anxiety, he wouldn't hang out with Delilah and Jules as much as he used to. It's not all your fault. Only slightly, and I'm still a little mad about it. But George has forgiven you and you do good head scratches." Will jokes. Which lifts the mood.

"I still feel guilty and want to make it up some how. To both of you."

"You should stay here forever." I request. In a genuine tone.

"Let's focus on getting you better." Will suggests taking hold of my hand.

"Yeah but why get better when I can keep you both here forever." I joke but really do mean it.

"Baby you're suffering, and I don't to see that. I know your joking but you mean it and I know you do." I puff out my cheeks. "But now that we have identified the issue we can help fix it properly. We already have been." He ruffles my hair.

"How do you fix it?" I ask having a small clue.

"Well there's a couple ways. But since you don't like counsellors or therapists we are going to try a way and we are not going to tell you incase that ruins it." I go to ask what they were going to do but I had already figured it out.

"Are you going home today?" I ask Josh. He looked over to Will.

"Well yes, but to fill my dad in and to grab some cloths. And if Will, will allow it I would gladly stay another night." Josh says, I look up at Will with a begging look apon my face.

"I'll be good when he leaves I promise can he please stay another night?" I pleaded. He agreed and I hugged him. "Thank you thank you thank you!!!" I chant happily.

"Okay it's breakfast time now let's get going." Will leads the way downstairs, all three of us still in our pajamas.

***

"Can I borrow some clothes?" Josh asked as we got back to the room to get dressed and ready for the day.

"Yeah sure they should fit." Will leads Josh to the wardrobe and tells him to pick what he wants. I had followed close behind and will decided what I should wear, obviously his as well.

"None of your clothes are yours." I joke as he insisted he help putting my clothes on.

"When you came in the door, were they ever really mine?" He laughed. Josh and I laughed with him. I hope it's this happy all the time.