A Trios Love (MxMxM)

57: therapy

Will and Josh have forced me to go to therapy. I refused to leave their side and have been struggling with sleeping and nightmares to a point that over the collective month I have slept about 17 hours and it has been the 2nd worse thing to ever happen. Ive been going to therapy for a little, she has been trying to get close to me while who'll and Josh were around so I could get the gist of the whole therapy thing. Today was the first day without them.

"We'll be right out here. You'll see our shadows right under the door. I was shutting myself. Already shacking and I haven't even left their side yet. We've gone back to naps without them. About 20 minuets minimum. I hated it so much and would put up a fight everytime it would happen. If it wasn't for Josh I would be able to get out of it. Wills more lenient with my alone time. Wills also seeing a therapist for the same thing. I havent really seen anything too different but Josh has. When I do get a little sleep or when I'm pretending for their own good he refuses to go to sleep just to make sure no one is able to get to me. He gets all jumpy when I'm not there staying close to the bathroom door when I'm using it listening out for any signs of struggle. According to Josh whenever I'm gon wills heart rate climbs 10 fold.

"So George, you've been coming here for a few weeks now. Last time you mentioned something about having a hard time sleeping. Is that still happening." I see her once a week. Now but before I came here everyday so I could get used to her presence.

I bit the insides of my cheeks looking over at the crack between the door and the floor. I kept picking at my nails trying to be strong.

"Um.. yeah it is." I give her a bland response. I don't know what she wants from me. I'm not going to tell her my whole life story just because she has a PhD in whatever the fuck.

" Is it the night mares?" She asked searching for some eye contact. I refused to let in keeping my eyes on the moving shadows behind the door.

"Um. Uh. Yeah I guess." I tried taking my eyes away trying to distract from the anxiousness I looked at the framed sheets of paper on the wall reading some.

Julia Hollows PhD in psychology

Julia Hollows -

"Can you tell me what happens in these dreams."

"No." I stop reading and answer her question immediately. I didn't want to. I don't want to remember them. Its so much worse now.

"Why is that?" She asks writing in her stupid little book that she took notes in.

"Because I don't want to." For some reason I became agitated. My hands, once shaking from fear were now turned to anger. She always tries to know my dreams I don't want to remember them I don't want to talk about them. Will and Josh ask me every morning how my dream was and if it was good and if I want to talk about it. I don't. I don't understand what's so hard to understand about it.

"That's okay, can you tell me anything about your past or why you're so scared the two behind the door are away from you?"

"I don't know isn't that your job to find out?" I sarcastically ask. I felt like I was back to my teen years. I was forced to go to a therapist then too. He was really bad at his job and would diagnose me with a bunch of stuff that had nothing to do with me, putting me on meds I didn't need and would just have a negative effect to. I had anger issues back then too and would react like this a lot. Sarcastic and rude.

"Well I can't help you unless you help me help you. I want to find the root of the problem and I believe delving into your past will help with that." She explains.

"I get that but I don't want to remember or I don't remember there's not much else. I don't remember anything good so I don't like talking about it." She scribbles more on her notes.

"So you don't remember anything good?" She asks. I roll my eyes.

"That's what I just said." My voice was slowly rising.

" I need you to calm down George, I get you're getting agitated and you don't want to be here. But I believe I can help you."

"I'm done for today." The shadows moved from their original spots, one was gone. I had to go to them. I stood up and ran to the door. Julia joins and followed close behind me.

"Are you okay?" Will asked as I slammed the doors open. I ran into his arms. I saw Josh slightly too far to the left sitting down.

"I got scared, I thought you left." I pulled will over to Josh so I could hug them both. Josh was standing up now and wrapping his arms around us both.

"George did very well today." Julia states as she shuts her notebook tubing her attention to Will and Josh. She's a lair. I didn't do good. I should have told her more of what she wanted to know but I told her nothing. And it only took 15 minuets before I had to leave.

"That's good!" Josh sounded excited and squeezed us tighter. Will let go causing Josh to drop his arms. I did grabby hands to Josh asking for him to lift me and he did placing me on his hip.

"Feeling small little one?" He asked caressing my back. I shook my head no but i was getting close to slipping but didn't want to. I didn't feel like it. I'm little all the time and barly spend time being big. He chuckled. "Just wanted to be close?" He asked and I nod.

"See next time I want us to go for 20 minuets and I want to talk about coping, I know that little space is a coping mechanism for you but there are many more that may help you and I want to discuss that with you next time if you're okay with that?" She asked more as a question even though I knew it wasn't. I knew it was her just telling me what would happen next session in a polite way. I nod my head and my thumb made its way into my mouth. Maybe being little for a little will be okay.

"Come on little pup let's go get icecream as a little treat for how well you did." I nod my head hard. Dada had the best ideas ever.