29. Jona

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I'm not one of showing affection in front of cameras. Yet here is Lando placing his lips on mine, while we are surrounded by pretty much every tv station covering F1.

And I can't deny I didn't like it. His kisses make butterflies throw up in my stomach. But I know this is him somehow trying to convince me we should sleep in the same room tonight.

But if today has proven one thing to me, he definitely performs better with a night of sleep alone.

I am proven right once again, when I come out of the shower on Saturday night. A FaceTime call from Lando appearing on my screen.

"Jona!" He says, as his face appears on my screen.

"Yes." I answer, only wearing a towel to cover my body. I don't really know why he's calling. It's already past midnight, he's supposed to be sleeping. He has a race to drive tomorrow.

"Come sleep in my room. I feel lonely with you." Lando pouts.

"We have an agreement." I say a little annoyed.

"Fuck that." Lando says, really annoyed with the fact that I won't surrender. "I just wanna lay in the same bed as my girlfriend."

I sigh, realising that is what I want as well. But I want to put his career on the first place for him. I shouldn't be there.

"Lando," I start. "Your career should come first."

"I know, but I won't enjoy it as much without you there." He says.

"You might not want to get too attached, I'll be leaving McLaren after my internship. You do realise that, don't you?" I tell him, even though we all know there are still about twenty races to drive.

"Fine." Lando says, immediately pressing end on the call.

I can't help but feel incredibly guilty for making him not feel okay.

Fuck this.

And with that, I'm walking through the hallway, wearing only a towel. Praying no-one sees me making my way to Lando's room.

I knock on the door.

No response.

I knock again, this time calling out for him. "Lando, it's me. Please open the door." I say quietly, making sure not to wake someone. I really would not like it, if anyone saw me roaming the halls in nothing more than a towel.

Still no response.

"Lando, please?" I call out once again.

This time with a result, Lando opens the door briefly. "Go away, you're just gonna leave me anyway." He snaps and closes the door in front of me.

With tears pricking in my eyes, I make my way back to my room.

I did not want him to respond with that.

I look at the time on my phone, one o'clock. It's one in the afternoon back home. I open FaceTime. I need to talk to Em, I need to calm myself down.

"Joon," Em says answering my FaceTime call. "What's wrong, are you crying?"

I hadn't even noticed that I was actually crying. "We had a fight." I say, a small sob escaping my lips.

"What happened? You two were happily making out on TV this morning" Emily asks.

I tell her everything, about how good it all felt. About that we had decided to sleep separately during raceweekends, and about how Lando kept trying to convince me to sleep together. I tell her about my little snap, that caused Lando to snap as well.

Turns out I'm just a bitch, and I should've thought about what my words would do to him. Even if I only thought I was acting in his best interest. It might not have been what really was in his and in our best interest.

Talking to Emily helped clear my mind, but it helped me realise that I was not listening to Lando enough as well.

***

I wake up, my eyes still heavy. But I am wide awake when I realise it is race day.

I get dressed into my McLaren outfit, do my hair in a ponytail and go downstairs for breakfast.

I scan the room, making sure Lando's not there. And I am relieved to not see him or Daniel there. I do not want to talk to either of them. But to be sure, I put my breakfast in a to go container, and bring it with me to the track.

Arriving on track is not something I can get used to. Dating Lando, people have started recognising me as well. Some even asking for pictures with me or my signature.

"Why did you and Lando not arrive together?" A girl asks as I'm signing her shirt.

"He's here already?" I ask her, knowing very well that I'm a little earlier than most today.

"He came in about 20 minutes ago." She says making my skin crawl. This was not what I was hoping for.

I take some more pictures with fans, when Charlotte catches up with me. Us being together walking into the paddock, makes many photographers turn heads. They of course want to take pictures of drivers' girlfriends spending time together.

We chat a bit, but I make sure not to mention our falling out, before I go into the McLaren hospitality. Barely anyone is in there, the perfect place to hide out for a bit. I take out my laptop, so I can work on some assignments. Zak also asked me to write a little story about me for the McLaren staff website. There's this column where people tell who they are, and with me being in the picture every week, he thinks it could be good for me to have a small column as well.

I stay hidden away in the hospitality, only leaving around the times I know Lando will be there. But now, I can't stay hidden for much longer. The race is about to start, and I have to be ready to accompany Daniel to his interviews.

I pack up my stuff, putting it away into the bag I brought. Leaving it in one of the PR assigned cabinets, before making my way to the garage. I walk into Daniel's part of the garage, taking a headphone, so I can hear what's going on.

It turned out to be quite a good race for us this weekend, Lando finishing P5 and Daniel finishing P6. I can't help but feel a little pride for Lando. The post-race interviews seemed to go by in a blur, me just going to the motions. Not really having my mind with it, thinking about having to talk to Lando anyway.

As Daniel and I approach the garage, I see Lando standing there. He's talking to Alana. I excuse myself from Daniel, making my way to Lando and Alana.

"Could I snatch Lando for a bit?" I ask Alana, and she leaves us alone.

"We need to talk." I tell Lando, sadness written all over his face.

"Why would I if you're just going to leave me alone anyway." He snaps, walking away from me. Leaving me standing in front of the garage all by myself.

I quickly gather my belongings and make my way to the hotel. I make arrangements, to fly back home with the team rather than with Lando and some other drivers in their jet. I don't think I'm welcome there.

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