Sincerely, S

Chapter 5: Skinner

I don't know what this is, I back up sitting on the bed and she shakes her head sitting next to me.

"I can't be a quick fuck, Micah." She whispers and I nod. "I can't be one for you like this." She explains and I nod once more. "Can you say something?" She blurts and I turn looking at her.

"I don't know what I am doing, ok?" I whisper and she stops nodding. "I know you deserve better than that, but I don't know what this is." I answer and we make eye contact, she slowly nods.

"I think we need to stop." She mutters and I turn looking at her.

"And just ignore the fact that every time you touch me my dick stands at attention?" I blurt and she laughs.

"You don't know what this and I don't either. I can't do this for you, I always get feelings, and it's not always love I get clingy. I can't do this for you." She whispers, I grab my boxers standing up.

"Are you sure you want this?" I ask slipping them on and she pulls on some shorts walking over to me.

"You want to date?" She asks and I tilt my head. "I mean try to fall in love, not date for me to have something on the side so we can do this." She explains and I freeze. "Exactly." She chimes.

"I'm sorry." I say but she waves at me.

"It's okay, really. We both aren't ready for that, it's okay. We are both adults let's just move on." She offers and I get this aching feeling like this isn't the end of this. I don't know if I can back off her, it's not even the sex, when we talked in the car while Grace was having personal issues, we talked. We really talked, I felt like she was a real friend, when she kissed me that day, I walked her to her door it all came in waves.

"Exactly." I mutter weakly and she looks like she's hurt but it quickly goes away as I get rid of the condom and clean myself up pulling on my t-shirt. "I'm sorry, Taylor." I apologize once more but she waves at me.

"It's okay, thank you for being honest. That's all I could have hoped for." She offers kissing me on the cheek, I feel weird, I turn to her door opening it. "Skinner, I'm sorry I can't give you what you need." She whispers and I can't psychically turn back to look at her so I resort to a nod closing the door.

She wants me to back off so I will try but I don't think I can, one touch from her lights me up, I feel like I'm ignoring something big. I get into my car and this sinking feeling my gut gets worse each mile I get away from her and I hit the wheel. Why did I even go over there? What was I thinking? She deserves so much more than me, hopefully she will find a good guy for her and that will get my head and my lower brain off her.

The rest of my day I was cranky as shit, and Blondie told me to just go back to my penthouse. I have been tossing and turnings for hours in my bed thinking about where she is and what she is doing. If she is in bed, if she's with Grace talking about me and I can't ignore my cock anymore so I head to my bathroom and pull down my boxers. The phone rings earning a groan from me and I get dressed again holding the phone to my ear.

"I told you to get her, not break her!" I hear Mateo's angry voice on the phone and I flinch away putting the phone on my other ear.

"What are you talking about?" I whisper groggily.

"You have some serious explaining to do and it isn't going to be over the phone get your ass here." Mateo orders then hangs up and I shake my head. It's one in the morning now, what the fuck? I get dressed and drive over and Nate answers the door, once I walk in Mateo pins me to the door.

"What the fuck man?" I ask in awe.

"She is broken you fuck." Nate whispers and I shake my head.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask and they both back off.

"You really don't know." Mateo mutters and I shake my head.

"Listen, she asked me to back off, I did." I offer and they both nod their heads. "She said she gets clingy what was I supposed to do propose a plan where she wouldn't get her heart broken only for me to break it anyway?" I ask and they nod.

"I get it." Nate whispers and Grace walks down the stairs.

"You all seriously need to shut the fuck up." She scolds in a whisper and I smirk seeing Nate and Mateo with a fire in their eyes. "You look like shit." She looks at me and I smile at her.

"I feel just as bad as she does, but I can't come up with some bullet proof plan where she is not heart broken. That's impossible." I finish in a mutter seeing her nod.

"I understand, it's going to take a while for her too." She whispers. "I'm going to bed." She says then walks off.

"What happened?" Nate asked and I roll my eyes scratching my head.

"You want dirty or friendly?" I ask and he grimaces shaking his head.

"We don't know each other well enough to do dirty." He says walking into the kitchen. I follow him and Mateo and sit at the bar.

"Well, I know you said friendly but after we did it, she asked what she was to me." I said and they poured me a glass of bourbon. "I didn't have an answer. She said she couldn't be a quick fuck, she needed more, because she gets attached, which I understand." I hold my hands up and they both nod.

"She told me it was best because I didn't know what she was that I back off and I said I would, I am." I finish explaining, I pick up the bourbon drinking the whole thing. They both arch a brow and do the same with theirs.

"Do you want a relationship with her?" Mateo asks and I tilt my head considering it. "You don't then." He says and I scoff.

"I don't know what I want!" I whisper yelled.

"You either want her or you don't." Mateo says and I nod instantly.

"I do! But I don't want to hurt her." I finish in a mutter and he nods.

"That's good." He says then he turns to Nate kissing him on the lips.

"I'm not going to bed, just yet." Nate says with a smirk and Mateo shrugs turning back to me. Nate leans down his elbows on the counter. "I wanted her; I didn't think she wanted me." He explains and I nod before looking back up at him.

"What's that got to do with Taylor?" I ask and he holds up a finger.

"I let this big guy fuck me for I don't know how long knowing I had feelings for him, I knew he didn't." He bluntly explains earning a glare from Mateo. "Point is, I fell into the feel of it, not the feelings until after, and it felt like hell. Don't do that to her." He says and I arch a brow.

"What he's saying is if you want to try dating her be honest as much as you can about your feelings." Mateo explains and I nod putting my hand under my chin.

"Oh, well you could've just said that." I say and Nate chuckles. "I still think I should back off." I say and they both nod.

"You both agreed that was best so maybe it is." Nate says and I nod, getting up.

"Do me a favor and don't call me at one in the morning for me to get over here to get my ass beaten alright?" I tease and they laugh. "Do it after I've had a cup of coffee." I finish saying.

"Angel was right you do look like shit." Mateo said and I gestured at myself.

"I was thinking about her and not getting any sleep, I'll be fine." I waved them off and I quickly left.