my inheritance (g.w x o.c)

chapter forty-eight: in need of rest

Snape answered nearly everything I asked. From the beginning of my time with Voldemort until now. I was shocked by both how much I already knew and how much I was missing. The entire plan with Dumbledore, how Harry's parent's death was decided, the horcruxes, the endgame. By the time we finished and I had asked all my questions, it was nearly 5 o'clock.

I leaned against the window, trying to decide what to say. I watched as some students sat in the courtyard without a care in the world. How the hell was I them less than a year ago? "I hate him so much it makes me want to die."

"I'm sure there are a lot of people that align with your beliefs."

"I just..." I sighed, looking at him. "I used to think he was amazing. He took me in, he cared for me. But lately, as I've thought about it, he never really cared about me. I was there as his wand." I shook my head. "Damn it, I just, I need to throw something."

"I have plenty of books," he gestured to the bookcase behind me. "I'd prefer if you didn't break the artifacts, but for this, I'll allow it." I grabbed a book off the bookcase, but the moment I tried to throw it, I couldn't. I sighed, falling onto the couch and putting my face in my hands. He stood up, walking towards me.

"I've killed so many people for him," I whispered. "Most of them I didn't know I was killing, but lately, I mean, what can I say about all that I've killed since I learned what that spell did?" When we first learned about that spell, Mad Eye Moody said you had to mean it for the spell to work. What he failed to mention was that a desire to please was enough to "mean it" even if you had no idea what "it" was. I looked up at him with tear stains on my face. "I just, I'm no better than him at this point."

"Don't say that," he demanded. "If you had a choice-"

"If I had a choice, I would torture him into insanity the way Bellatrix did to Neville's parents," I interrupted. "And I would not regret one minute of it." He didn't say anything. "He's cost too many people way too much so I wouldn't think twice about it. I'm not sure that makes me any better than him."

"You wouldn't do that."

"I'm certain I would."

"No, you wouldn't." He sat down beside me. "I know you wouldn't. You might try. I think most people would love to torture him a fraction of the way he's tortured so many people, but you would not torture him anywhere close to the way Bellatrix did the Longbottoms." I sighed, wiping away the tears. "You are a better person than you give yourself credit for, Ms. Prince."

"You don't even-"

"I think we just spent the better part of two hours establishing that I do know you very deeply. And as such, I know you wouldn't be able to do that. You are a phenomenal actress, but even the best actresses need a break. And when you've let your guard down, I've seen a broken, hurting girl. I saw you many nights in the Astronomy Tower." I looked over at him. "It wasn't just Dumbledore. I was the one who told him to go talk to you. You needed someone to talk you off the ledge, and I didn't think I could be that person." I looked at my hands in my lap. "You've never had your heart in the hurt that you've caused. Your only motive was survival, and that's okay. That shows a deeper seed of good than the superficial one of evil."

"I just want him dead," I whispered, voice cracking. "I'm so sick of everything he's done. I can't sleep, I can't think, I just, I'm so tired, Snape." I looked over at him, new tears falling down my face. "I'm so tired of pretending. I don't know how much longer I can handle this."

He seemed to think for a moment. "You can sleep here right now." He stood up, waving his wand so a blanket appeared in his hand. He set it on the couch.

"No, I don't need-"

"If you don't sleep, you're going to mess up. And if you mess up, he is going to kill you. If you aren't fortunate enough for him to kill you, he will torture you into what he wants. So please, Ms. Prince. Sleep." I let out a shaky breath before nodding. "I will lock my office and return this evening. No one will bother you until you're well rested."

"I can't sleep past 11:30."

"What're you doing tonight?"

I looked at him for a moment. "I'm meeting someone."

"Is this someone a certain redheaded misfit?"

"He wants me to meet the Order." He straightened up. "I didn't think you'd want to hear it."

"You should meet them."

"But they think you-"

"It's how it has to be," he interrupted.

"I can explain to them what happened."

"No, don't. Let them think what they need to." I nodded. "Meet them, hear what they have to say. But you have to be five times more diligent in meeting with them or the Dark Lord will find out. And I assure you he will not have mercy after everything that's happened."

"I know," I sighed, looking down at my hands.

"I don't say this to scare you, I just need you to be careful." I nodded, pulling at my fingers. He was quiet for a moment before walking over to his desk. He pulled out a little jar, bringing it back to me. "This will help you sleep. If you want more for the future, let me know. You need your rest."

"Thank you," I sighed, looking up at him. "For everything. Ever." He nodded slightly before heading for the door. I looked at the potion then downed it. I laid down, falling asleep within minutes. I didn't even dream. It was a black void, but it was beautiful.

***

"Ms. Prince," a voice spoke. "Larissa, it's 11:40." I stirred slightly, looking around. I eventually focused on Snape who was gathering papers from his desk. I sat up. "I didn't want to wake you , but I know you said-"

"No, no, thank you for waking me up." I folded the blanket before putting my shoes back on. "And thank you for that tonic. I haven't slept that good in months."

"If you need more, let me know."

"I will." I got up, putting on my jacket and grabbing my bag.

"Larissa." I looked back at him before I opened the door. His back was still to me. "Please be careful. This is a dangerous game."

"I know. I've been playing it for quite some time." He didn't reply. "I'll be careful. Thank you."

I walked down the stairs of Hogwarts until I was outside the Great Hall where one could apparate. I apparated to Diagon Alley before heading for their store. I apparated inside then went upstairs. I knocked on the door for their loft, and it swung open.

"Well, look who it is," George smiled. I gave him a weak smile and his faded. "Is everything okay?"

"It's been a long day," I sighed, leaning into his hand when he ran it against my cheek. "I'll tell you about it later." He hesitated before nodding. He held me for a moment, kissing the top of my head.

"Fred's already over there. So it's just me and you."

"Let's head out."