chapter twenty-three: escaping the gray

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As soon as I entered, he conjured up the same table and chairs, covering it with food. "Are you feeling alright, Larissa? You look a little pale." I stared at the table before sitting in the chair in front of his desk. He didn't question it. Instead, he sat at his desk, sending the food away. I looked at him for a moment, both of us daring the other to speak first. "I'm sure the answer to what you're thinking is yes, but please do ask."

My hands shook slightly. "They're real?"

"Yes."

"I really wanted to be wrong about them."

"I've learned you are rarely incorrect, Ms. Prince."

I looked down at my hands. "What does this mean?"

"It depends on what you want it to mean."

"I can't handle your riddles right now, Professor," I snapped, meeting his gaze. I sighed, leaning back in the seat. "I just, I need you to be direct with me. No one is ever direct with me."

"It's one of the downfalls of life." I scoffed, shaking my head and looking away. "Since you know of the horcruxes, I presume you have done some digging to find them." I nodded. "I destroyed the ring, and Harry destroyed his diary. You must remember that one. You would've been a 3rd year."

Of course, I remembered. I watched Ginny that year, made sure she got where she was supposed to go. I shifted in my seat as I recalled that year. The times before I realized I was capable of controlling my own mind. The first time Snape trained me in Occlumency, and I was actually able to breathe without having all consuming thoughts. I never realized until that year that he had been controlling me the entire time.

"May I ask what you're thinking?"

I snapped out of my thoughts, looking up at him. "How many do you think there are?"

"It's hard to say. I have been in search of memories to try and piece together how he came about the idea of horcruxes-"

"Professor Slughorn." He looked at me. "He always talked highly of him, saying he was to thank for certain parts of his success. I hate to break it to you, but while he may be a professional when it comes to charming, I see no other superb thing about him. Except for his knowledge on the Dark Arts." He hummed, running his hand against his face. I watched him for a moment. He could probably tell me everything I needed to know. Answer every question I had. "Professor Snape." He looked back at me. "What's he to you?"

"I could ask you the same question." What?

"I'm sure we have the same idea you have. He's working for us while spying on you, but from the looks of it..." I motioned around the room. "Things could be working the other way around."

"It's hard to say if someone is ever truly on one side or the other in a battle such as this. You must understand that." I raised an eyebrow. "It is simple enough to see that you are conflicted, even as the Heir of Slytherin." I kept my face blank despite the thoughts running through my head, trying to figure out how he knew. "You would agree, wouldn't you? That the gray area has grown far wider?"

Too many thoughts ran through my head. Draco, George, horcruxes, the Heir... everything. I wanted to scream, demand he tell me everything I needed to know, tell me how he seemed to know everything about me. But I didn't say anything. Instead, I stood up. I balled up my fists, trying to decide what to do. He just watched me. I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. Even then I hesitated. It would be a direct hit if I wrote down what I knew. But my loyalty had to pass the gray line at some point.

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