His Little Lamb || bxb

28.5

TW: mentions of drug use

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| Valencio |

Mil had finally gotten a call back from his sister and they had gone out to catch up and sort things through, so I decided that now that it had been a couple weeks, I should go check on Tobias. He was currently being kept in an in-patient facility as he was suffering from a drug addiction which made me finally realise why he wanted money so badly. I wanted to be mad at him for threatening Milan the way he did, and mad at Fabio for putting me in the papers again to trigger Toby's sudden need to come after me, but I still cared about him and so had been keeping a close eye on his treatment. Milan understood and when it was clear that he was going through withdrawal symptoms, I had my best lawyers step in and suggest he be put in a facility where he could recover properly before any sort of sentencing happened.

"Hi Toby," I said softly when I had finally gone through all the checks and was permitted to see him. He was thin; thinner than I'd ever seen him. He hadn't had any access to any high since being in here and it had clearly taken a toll on his body, worse than when I had seen him at Milan's. He must have not been eating very well.

I had driven here myself today and the whole drive over I had been thinking of what to say; what I should say and what I shouldn't. Maybe if Pietro had come with me, I could have asked him but with his mother in a similar place such as this and still recovering, I didn't want to put him in a situation or environment that would upset him. Besides, this was my past sitting before me now and I had to face it myself.

"Hi..." my ex-boyfriend replied. He was sat at a small table colouring something in. It seemed almost silly to see a grown man at 25 years of age sat with crayons, but I wondered if it helped keep his mind off things.

"I thought maybe we could talk." I removed my suit jacket because the sun was truly coming out and I was boiling.

"There isn't much to talk about though, is there?" he said. "I'm sorry about threatening your boyfriend. It was stupid. I just, I don't know, I didn't even have a plan I thought once I saw you, I'd figure it out."

"How did it happen exactly? I mean you smoked weed, we've all done that, but...heroin-"

"I don't know how it happened, okay. I...I stopped taking my antidepressants and I just needed something to make me feel good. I'm...I'm not proud of myself for the things I did, the things I chose to do."

"You didn't choose this exactly. Addiction is a disease that just latches on."

"Well, I shouldn't have given it the chance, should I?" he said a little too loudly. I didn't really know what to say. I believed in what I said – that he didn't choose this and that it wasn't his fault – but whatever he believed in, I didn't think I could change that. "Look, I'm sorry. That's all there is to say between us. You should just go."

"Toby...it's not easy for me to go just like that. I can't forget all our history and look at you like this and not want to stay."

"I'm sure your boyfriend would love to hear that."

I sighed. "I'm not saying I'm in love with you. But you meant a lot to me once and you still do. I want to help, if I can; if there's anything at all I can do."

"The best thing you can do for me is leave." There was such a sadness in his eyes that I didn't know how to respond. There was pain in his heart that I could never understand, and I wished I could just so I knew how to comfort him right now. This was the man I used to call my own, so how could I leave him behind like he was nothing to me now. Milan will always be my one true love, my soulmate, but I couldn't just ignore the feelings me Toby and I used to share.

"I hoped...I hoped we could have become friends out of this."

"I don't think we can ever be friends Valencio. I threatened your boyfriend. That wasn't right. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend that my actions excuse your own. I still don't agree with the things you've done, the things you do even now." It was hard to hear him say these things, but brutal honesty was better than the best of lies. "You killed Fabio and I know it can't have just been in self-defence," he said quietly.

"Will I always be the bad guy in your eyes then? I know you haven't looked at me the same way since I first told you the truth of who I am."

"You may not be the villain in my story, but you're the villain in so many people's stories that I just can't ignore that. You've always been a good guy to the people you love though," he said placing his hand over my own. "Milan is lucky to have you, and I truly believe that, but I need someone who's good completely. I'm too unstable to be around someone like you, I hope you can understand that."

"Yeah, I understand," I replied, and I did. I did understand, I think. Some people just needed different things and different partners or friends in their life and I wasn't going to force my way back into Tobias' world.

I thought that our story had ended over two years ago when things between us ended but I think our story really ended now and to be honest, I was okay with that. He could focus on his recovery, that was the most important thing right now, and I could work on my relationship with a little lamb that turned this wolf from predator to prey with a simple glance at a gala and a sparkle in his cerulean eyes that blew me away.

When I left the facility, I felt a calm settle on my shoulders. I trusted things would go well for Toby, but I had to stay out of his life and let him figure things out on his own because I had done all I could do now without making things worse. Besides, I had a beautiful boy waiting for me to show him the world and thinking I could have lost him, thinking there is always a chance that I could lose him still, meant I had to make every moment count.

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