Perfectly Ruined by:jdollar *a D'Amore story*

Chapter 52

~~~~~~~ I will love you until my dying day- come what may ~~~~~~~~~
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Caroline
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Pauly doesn't return right away. I wouldn't have been able to blame him if he never came back. I was mean to him and I hate the way being mean to him makes me feel. As if things couldn't get any worse, we're fighting and I'm not sure where that leaves us.
My hands fall from my face to my empty flat belly.
The baby had brought us so much closer together and now without it... will we make it?
The loss is so great.
Over the last few days before my miscarriage, I'd found myself wondering if it would be a girl or boy. Would she have his hair and my eyes? Would he be tall like Pauly?
Images of Pauly chasing our child through a house flood my mind. The look on his face when he first held our baby. A Christmas morning as we opened presents under a tree. It's all too much for me.
I yank back the covers on my bed. With plans on washing away my upset in the shower. My I.V. had been taken out this morning after Pauly stormed out on me. The D.N.C had been done days ago, at least that's what Arabella told me when she stopped by to check in an hour ago. Which would explain my soreness down there. I'm also still bleeding lightly. One of the nurses said that it should stop in another day or so.
I stand on weak legs. My steps and stumbled and slow. Eventually, I do make it into the small bathroom in my room. Though the bathroom is small, it's only small because the shower is so large.
The tile is lavish and there is a clean smell floating around in here. As if it's just been sprayed down not too long ago. I turn the hot water on, strip down out of my hospital gown, and stare at my reflection in the mirror as the room gets steamy. Good Lord! I look as horrible as I feel. Although I've been asleep for so long, I have dark rings around my eyes. My dark hair is stringy and wild. Dirty from not having been really washed in so long. With everything that's been going on, I haven't made it to hair appointment in months. My ends need trimmed, just like me, they're breaking.
My skin looks oily and pale. I look lifeless. Like a zombie. The walking dead. It's the inside that's dead now. Not just the outside. I've lost my baby and also my strength to live. Pauly blames this whole mess on my father and Daddy...
Has he really not shown up here? Not even a call? He wouldn't not show up for me! This is my father. He's always been one call away. Arabella confirmed that my father knows I'm in the hospital. So, where the fuck is he? Why isn't he here now? I can't believe what Pauly thinks happened. No matter how odd the damn tea had tasted. Daddy would never cause me harm. This is the man that kissed my scraped knees. The same man that brought in my soup himself that time I caught the flu. He wouldn't....
The door to the bathroom is yanked open so fast that it causes me to jump. Pauly has a look of surprise seeing me standing here. Naked and wide eyed.

"You shouldn't be out of bed," his voice isn't as harsh as it had been before.

I blink at him. Which has him speaking again, since I say nothing in return.

"You wanted a shower?"

I nod once. "I feel dirty."

"Will you be alright to-" he cuts himself off with the shake of his head. "I'll get in with you."

I don't say a word as he strips off his clothes. First yanking the t-shirt over his head, then kicking off his boots. His hands stops at the button on his jeans when something has catches his eye.

"Baby, step into the shower," he instructs gently. "You've got blood running down your legs."

My eyes drop down. Sure enough, my bleeding hasn't stopped just because I've lost my mind while staring into the mirror at myself.

"Go on," he says, giving me a slight nudge towards the shower.

I step in letting the hot water burn my skin without reaction. In fact, I find the physical pain on me reminds me that I am alive. That I can feel something. A numbness has started to settle in now. I don't feel anything really. Not on the inside. Not anything expect pain. And the scorching heat is at least something besides pain.