A Wish Just For You

February: You

February 2015

My failure in my thesis defense made me daydreamed a lot in the last two months. Sometimes I wish that moment never passed. A bitter memory has been created in my mind.

I never admitted this to Eddy. I kept it tight in my heart about the sad incident that happened to me because I couldn't make myself lame in front of him.

Even though I am.

But he's been through so much suffering, I can't possibly showed that I failed.  Eddy's life spirit could completely disappear.

If only Eddy could see a little bright light before his eyes, I'm sure he would slowly open up and see another side of the world.  The bright side. But it seems all was in vain after the lecturer failed me.

I wonder how he would react if he knows that I failed?

In the past two months, I have lived my life with Eddy as normal as possible. I keep looking after him everyday, preparing everything he needs in this apartment.

But now my life is almost feels the same as Eddy's. Feelings of being lied to, useless, hopeless, all mixed together. But besides that, I have to keep my eyes on the front.  Time never cares about one's feelings, right? It only gives you a chance to move forward.

Now then, it's Valentine's Day soon. Incidentally, Eddy and I have no class today.  But, that man seemed to feel at home alone in his room. While I don't know what to do. Hmm... maybe making chocolate to eat myself will be fun?

My hands stretched up, trying to pick up the items that were in the cupboard above the kitchen. My feet were tiptoeing, trying to support my hands, but it seemed to have no use.

"Ah..." I lower my hands and sighs at the baking sheet I couldn't reach.  My cheeks are slowly puffing up.

But before long, a hand seemed to reach the item and give it to me. Eddy.

I turn around, then took the baking sheet from his hand.  I stare at him with red cheeks.  "Thanks, Eddy."

"Um... if you need help, you can always talk to me."  Eddy replied.  His face is still deadpan.

I smile, then began to busy looking for other ingredients in the refrigerator in silence.

My heart is still beating fast because of the help Eddy gave me just now.  They say, being close friends makes a person accustomed to each other. But, why can't I?

Eddy follows my movements.  "Are you going to make chocolates?"

I paused for a moment looking at Eddy, then nod slowly while cutting the chocolate bars. Yes, it should be for you. If only I can say that straight to his face.

"Um, to eat it myself."  My mouth lies quickly.

"Oh..."

"Do you want to make one too?"  I asked, turning towards Eddy, who was still standing still in his place.

Eddy shakes his head.  "I don't think so. I don't have anyone to give chocolate to right now, so there's no point in me making it, right?"

I just stared silently at Eddy's back turned, watched him enter the room with a blank face again.

My hands clenched into a fist, then immediately continued making chocolate. My mouth muttered softly as my hands worked.  "....Yeah, you're probably right. Maybe there's no use I made these chocolates too? Maybe... you don't want any chocolates from me too...?"

To be continued :)