Payton's POV
I spent about a good hour being all cooped up in Harry's room after what happened between us. I could tell we both needed space to clear our minds and rethink our decisions and feelings. What we did was a mistake. It should of never happened. A captor and their victim should never have intimacy between each other. There should be no feelings whatsoever.
But then why did he do it? Why did I do it? Why didn't we stop? Why did we keep going for more? Were we that lonely? That desperate for human affection? Were we that deprived? Was I starting my period or something and my hormones were just off the charts?! I needed an explanation.
As much as I didn't want to see or talk to him at all, I wanted to check up on him to make sure he was okay. Last I saw he was busing himself with a large bottle of liquor. And that never really ends well.
I fixed my shorts and shirt after I got out of bed before I slowly approached the door. I opened it quietly before I peeked my head out, checking if I could see or hear him. Once the close was clear I tip toed down the hall and slowly approached the kitchen.
I looked around to notice he wasn't in sight before I turned my head towards the living room. My eyes widened once I saw him sitting on the couch all slouched with a half drunken bottle in his hand. He looked miserable as he stared at the white wall with no emotion, being as still as the furniture he was on.
"Harry?" I called out softly as I slowly made my way towards him. He didn't look at me as I carefully walked over towards the couch, being cautious of what could possibly happen.
"Are you alright?" I asked before he turned his head towards me with uninterested eyes.
"Why do you care?" He slurred. Oh god, he's drunk.
"Harry you don't look too good, maybe you should lay down." I suggested as I tried to grab the bottle from his hand.
"No." He grumped as he pulled the bottle away from me and stood up.
My eyes expanded as I stepped back, afraid of what he'd do as he stumbled on his feet.
"Harry, maybe you should stop drinking yeah?" I asked as I looked up at him with worry.
"And maybe you should just go home. Because that's what you want. Huh princess?" He slurred as he pointed a finger at me.
I blinked back at him as I tried to not take offense from his drunken state.
"Well.....yeah." I admitted before he chuckled and walked away.
"Then go, just leave." He said as he made his way towards the kitchen.
"I don't think I should leave you like this." I replied as I looked over at him.
"Just get out of here Payton! The door is right there for you! If you want it so bad, go ahead and get it." He suddenly raised his voice as I flinched.
"You're letting me go?" I gasped before he angrily turned around.
"Yes, isn't that what you've always wanted? To be free?" He asked as I swallowed hard.
"Yes." I nodded my head before he smashed the bottle against the fridge, making it break into a bunch of pieces.
I flinched as I watched him angrily run his hands through his hair while he breathed heavily.
"Then go! If you don't care go!" He yelled as I took a step back.
"Harry I don't think you're thinking correctly." I shook my head as he peered up at me.
"What do you mean? I'm perfectly fine." He struggled with his words as his eyebrows narrowed.
"When you're sober you're going to wonder where I am. And you'll freak out and try to find me and when you do you're just going to bring me back here to torture me and ruin my life all over again." I explained as he started to chuckle in his hands.
"I guess that's just the problem then isn't it Payton? I'm going to wonder where you are. I'm always going to wonder where you are." He smiled sarcastically before he slammed his hands on the counter.
I flinched from his behavior before I blinked at him with concern.
"I don't think I can leave you like this." I shook my head before he frowned.
"Why, you suddenly care about me now? Please." He sassed as he narrowed his eyebrows.
"Look I don't know why you're acting this way, but let's just go rest and talk about it later okay?" I said as I slowly began approaching him.
"Since when do you tell me what to do?" He snapped as he stared me down.
"Harry come on, let's go." I hushed as I nudged my head to the side.
"No. No!" He suddenly screamed before he grabbed a plate from the dish rack and threw it at the wall.
I jumped at the sound before I stepped back, feeling frightened by the mess he was making. He started to go insane as he began throwing everything he could find at the wall, watching as it smashed to pieces.
He was uncontrollable as I watched in the corner with fear, not knowing how to stop this.
"Harry- Harry please stop." I whimpered as he threw a glass cup at the wall.
"You're not allowed to use my name!" He screamed before he threw something at me, causing me to squeal as I ducked.
My mind was telling me to run like hell and leave him, but I couldn't bring my body to do it. It pained me to see him like this. He was always so well kept and to himself, it was rare when he was vulnerable and disconnected.
My heart raced as I quickly approached him, not wanting him to tear the place up any more than he already has. Before he could reach up for more alcohol, I quickly grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards me.
"Let go of me!" He hissed as he tried to swat my hands away but I refused to let go.
"No." I shook my head before I embraced him in a tight hug.
"What the hell are you doing? Get off!" He yelled as he grabbed my waist and attempted to pull me away but he failed miserably.
"Harry I'm not letting you go till you calm down, please." I informed him as I buried my face in his back and closed my eyes.
"I am calm!" He said before he began to struggle in my grip.
"Harry please, just stop." I begged him as I continued to hold on.
He was breathing heavily against me as he tried to find a way out, but he slowly began giving up the more he realized he couldn't leave.
"Shhh, it's okay. I'm here. It's okay." I hushed him as I held onto him even tighter, trying to comfort him as best as I could. It felt strange holding him in my arms and reassuring him. But I couldn't leave him in such a mess like this. It didn't matter what he has done to me, it wouldn't be right to abandon him when he needs someone the most.
He then started to calm down as I slowly made my way towards his chest, holding him in my arms as he exhaled against my skin. His knees then gave in as he slowly began sliding down against the counter, bringing me down along with him.
"Okay... okay.. it's okay. We're okay." I said softly as we gently began sliding down to the floor.
"I got you. I got you." I hushed as I sat down on the ground and pulled him to my chest.
He was extremely hesitant at first, holding back as I tried to pull him against me. I was patient as I kept rubbing his back in a way to show him comfort. He then sat down as well, leaning against me as he tried to control his breathing.
"Shhh. I'm here." I whispered as I rubbed his back with one hand and held his bicep with the other.
He then wrapped his arms around my waist before he buried his head in my neck, holding me tight as I hushed him.
I widened my eyes at his vulnerability as he rested against me and embraced me with his warmth. My neck started to feel wet as he leaned his face against it, not daring to make a sound.
It then occurred to me that he was crying, shocking me completely. Harry never cries. He was always so tough and serious.
"You're safe with me." I whispered in his ear before I rubbed my hands along his back and sides, comforting him in every way I could.
We sat there for an awful long time, holding each other till Harry had finally calmed down and slowed his breathing. I constantly assured him of my comfort by rubbing his back and whispering to him, hoping he would relax under my care.
A bunch of thoughts and feelings ran through my mind as I held Harry in my arms. When was this weird stuff ever going to end? First we kiss and now I'm holding him in my arms as he cries while being drunk. Who are we? What is this? What do we have? It didn't make sense.
Harry then sniffled before he suddenly pulled away, grabbing my attention as I peered up at him. He sighed heavily as he leaned his back against the island, resting his head as well.
My eyes never left his as he closed his eyes and stayed quiet, making me wonder what was on his mind. Tear stains puddled on the top of my shirt but I didn't seem to mind since I was focused on Harry.
His nose was all red and there were dry tears on his cheeks as he tilted his head up against the island.
"A while ago, you said you saw pain in my eyes...." Harry suddenly said in a raspy voice, grabbing my full attention.
My heart started to race slightly as I wondered where this conversation would go.
"Well.... I guess you could say you were right.... which is why I obviously drowned myself with liquor to escape it." He said as he kept his eyes closed.
I remained quiet as I stared at Harry with curiosity, wondering if he would open up to me about himself.
"I get why you hate me Payton.... I really do." He said as he now opened his eyes and looked down at his lap.
I blinked up at him as he folded his hands together before stretching out his legs.
"Sometimes I hate myself as well." He whispered as a look of distress appeared on his face.
"I lost the only person I ever loved and I lived with a pathetic excuse of a family. My father.... he wasn't even like a father. I could never call him my dad. He was sickening. He would beat my mother to a pulp for no reason at all. He treated her like sh*t. And all I ever wanted for her was to be happy. But she couldn't even have that." He said sadly as I felt my heart split in half.
"When I got old enough to defend her, he started coming after me. Would beat me right after school and would tell me how worthless and pathetic I was. And once my mom found out, she tried her best to find an escape for the both of us. She would cook and bake for me when we were alone together. It was really the only time we were both truly happy....when we were together. It gave me something to look forward to. She use to tell me that once I make something amazing, I had something to be proud of. And if I just continued to focus on what I did right, I could be happy all my life." He said in a faint voice as I listened.
"I tried my best to be happy. But once she died my father instantly started dating this chick. She was just as cruel as he was. She would slap me around and order me to do things around the house. And if I didn't do them she would beat me without mercy. The punishments seemed endless." Harry sighed as he fiddled with his hands as tears swelled up in his eyes.
"I figured I would make the best of my life by getting a job and saving up to get the hell out of there. I thought maybe if I found a girl she would take care of me and treat me the way I've always wanted to be treated. But I was wrong. She ended up cheating on me and backstabbed me just like everyone else in my damn life. So I realized from there on out, I wasn't going to let anyone tell me what to do anymore. I wasn't going to be controlled by anyone's words or emotions. I wasn't going to be thrown or slapped around anymore. I wasn't going to show that anyone hurt me. I was done. I was tired of it all." Harry started to get angry as he clenched his hands tightly into fists.
"I told my friends I was starting a new path, and if they wanted to join me they could, and if not, they'd never see me again. They ended up having my back and that's when we became a gang and started ruling over territories and dominating people. It was the best feeling in the world to be on top while everything else was below. I felt like I had my control back." He explained as I was completely shocked from everything I was hearing.
"But truth is, I don't think I ever have control. Even in this time I'm still numb to the core." He whispered softly as I felt tears in my eyes.
I didn't hesitate to slip my hand in between his, holding onto him as he stared at the floor all empty like.
"You can feel with me." I replied as I felt my heart race when he slowly looked into my eyes.
"I think I've been doing that since the moment I laid eyes on you." He admitted just above a whisper as my heart stopped.