"Can you just come and fucking pick me up?" I almost shout down the phone at Damien. I hear him laugh before he agrees and ends the call.
My face and palms are still clammy and I feel like I'm about to throw up any minute. I wish Damien would just hurry the fuck up.
Five minutes later a car speeds around the corner and comes to a halt before me. "You took your damned time didn't you?" I state while climbing into Damien's car.
"Jeez, somebody didn't have a great flight." he laughs while taking the piss and wiping his hand across my forehead. "Warm?" He questions and I frown.
"I'm just having a hard time." I grunt and he laughs again.
"Gideon, give the guy a fix." he calls to the back of the car and I turn to face a fairly older man. He is receding considerably and his face is beginning to hold deep wrinkles.
I didn't even realise he was there when I first got in the car... I really should pay more attention to things like this.
The man hands me the drugs I need and I quickly inject them before we begin to drive.
"Where you heading?" Damien asks, speeding up the car.
"I just- I need to go and grab some stuff... from the uh- the apartment. She should be working."
Damien speeds up further and my back slams against the leather seats. "Slow the fuck down, we can't risk getting pulled over. Not now." I grab his arm an his foot eases off the gas pedal.
"Calm down Reid, we're not even going that fast." he laughs and Gideon joins him. I have a sudden urge to punch the old man in the face, but I hold back.
"You can head back to your club, I'll meet you there later."
"You're sure you don't want a lift?"
"Yes, now fuck off before the snobby bitch in there catches you." I say referring to the woman that sits at a desk all day and he drives away.
The familiar walk to the apartment feels strange. It feels like it's been so long since I've climbed the stairs, but it's been just three days and seven hours.
I reach the unlocked door and open it hoping that I can get in and out with out having to do too much talking. I miss her so much and if we start speaking to one and other I might do something stupid like stay.
I get as far as the sofa in the front room before the tears roll down my cheeks. JJ is enveloped in Jakes arms, his chin resting on the top of her head and her head is resting on his chest.
She's dressed in her pyjamas, a tank top and short shorts. I would have done anything to see her wearing them again but not in this situation, not like that... Not with another man.
Her long hair is draped evenly down her back where Jakes arms stop. She's stood on her tiptoes in order to comfortably fit around his body and the whole sight is killing me.
My breaths become short and It feels like my chest is being crushed beneath a weight.
They draw apart and JJ kisses the mans cheek while saying something quietly and I swear I must have choked because both their heads turn in my direction.
JJ's blue eyes open widely and she takes a small step towards me. The hair that was once tucked behind her ear falls to her face and sticks to her cheek.
"I'm sorry- I uh- I should have- I'm sorry." I head into her room, grab my cardigan from the ground by the bed and my all black converse.
"Spencer-" JJ calls me as I head for the apartment door but I cut her off.
"I'm sorry- I shouldn't have come here." I close the door softly behind me. I don't have the right or energy to slam it, she's not mine anymore.
Her voice plays in my head over and over all the way until I reach the street of Damien's club. All the anger and sadness I was feeling left me momentarily as she spoke my name. Now I'm drowning in those feelings and I don't know what to do.
The music from the large building in front of my sounds though my ears and I just want to pound my head against a wall. She's moved on already. She doesn't- she probably never even wanted me.
I purposely left my cardigan there for her, she loved it so much but it was just left in a bundle on the ground?
I enter the club and grab a drink from a random persons hand, downing it while they shout at me before I head upstairs to where Damien spends the majority of his time.
I make my way through the smokey room and find the dealer sat beside a table with two women dangling over his arms. "Reid? that was quick." he smirks and the girls look up at me.
I must look a mess. I've not long been crying, an hour ago I was suffering from withdrawal symptoms and I'm still slightly high of dilaudid.
"You look like shit." He laughs while speaking my mind and I take a seat around the table he's sat at.
"That's what having a fucking drug dealer as your only friend does to you." I snap and one of the girls climbs off of Damien's lap in order to move away from me.
"Woah, it's not my fault." He claims, now removing the other woman.
"You ruined my fucking life Damien."
He frowns at my statement and pulls a small bag of cocaine from his pocket. "Your life was already a mess Reid, I dragged you out of that fucking pit, gave you money and now you're telling me I ruined your life? You need to take a long hard look at what's going on here. You had no where to go and who did you come to? I think a thank you is long overdue." the evil tone laced through his words surprises me and he stands to greet two men that just joined us in the room while throwing the bag at me.
I twiddle it through my fingers a few times, not completely sure if I want to take some or not. Instead I place the see through bag on the table along with my pounding head.
A few minutes pass and the only thing going through my head is Jennifer. I've never loved anyone like I love her, but I just fuck everything up. All I had to do was explain what was going on, or maybe just not even bother getting in contact with Damien.
I made a promise to Morgan I'd stay away from that guy, yet here I am sat in his fucking club drunk and high.
I need her back. I need Jennifer in my life, I'm not functioning properly with out her. My life got better while she was a part of it, I spent more time smiling than I did frowning and that's rare.
I'm trying hard to let go of the nights we shared but it's hard, she made me a better man. I can try and pretend she's on her own, that Jake isn't there and she misses me as much as I miss her, but that's not true.I guess I'll have to live without her now, she will be happier.
I stumble from the chair I'm sat on and a few sniggers come from a group of guys smoking pot. I tell them to fuck off, then head to the door leading to the main area of the club.
When I reach the cold out doors I grab a cigarette from a tall tattooed man and stand with him while taking a few drags.
After a short awkward silence I thank him before heading down the street. I need to get some of this anger from my system and the gym around the block is the best thing for it. It's either that or I beat the shit out of an innocent person.
Surprisingly it's still open and fairly empty. There's a few people in the swimming pool and one person in the main area on a treadmill. I reach inside the sports bag Morgan gave me a few years ago and pull out a pair of shorts. I quickly change into them and take off my shirt before heading to the boxing area and taking my anger out on the bag dangling from the ceiling.
I throw a few punches and the odd kick, sweating from every pore in my body. The boxing gloves cause my hands to grow clammy too, but I'm not done yet.
No amount of fighting or punching a lifeless bag will take the anger from me, but it will tire me out enough to stop me doing something stupid.
I can feel myself sweating the remaining dilaudid and alcohol out, completely sobering up as I put all my energy into hitting the bag.
I slow down then stop, grabbing the swinging sack in my hands and resting my sweaty forehead against the leather.
My breath comes out in bits as I try to take in enough oxygen to oxidise the lactic acid piled on my muscles. I'm so, so tired.