Chapter Twenty-two
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You become obsessed with the number you see.
Luke didn't realise it but whenever he first stepped on the scale he became addicted. He just wanted to see the number drop and get lower and lower.
Which was exactly what happened and he always wanted. However, now it was increasing rapidly. He was gaining weight a lot quicker than he lost it and that scared Luke. It scared Luke a lot.
"Can Ashton come in with me?" the blonde muttered, his cold hand intertwined in the curly haired boys. He looked up at Alex with begging eyes.
"Of course, if that's what it'll take to get you on the scale," he agreed whilst the three stood outside the room in which the scale was in.
They were waiting for Ian, who had only just found out that Luke wanted and needed a weigh in. This was the second time Luke had not been weighed on the correct day likewise only the fourth time he had been weighed out of his seven weeks of being here.
"Thank you," Luke smiled, this time looking at Ashton who squeezed his boyfriend's hand nervously.
He honestly wasn't sure why he was so nervous, possibly because this was a huge part of Luke's life and he was sort of invading the little privacy he had.
"Are you sure you want me to join you?" the curly haired boy double checked not wanting the blonde to get all insecure on him. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."
"You make me more confident," Luke admitted then sighed. "I struggle to find the courage to step on the scale. It scares me that I have gained weight which I honestly don't want to. I hate my body but you help me realise that I have some distorted image in my head and that in reality I actually am unhealthy and at risk."
Giving the blondes a supportive squeeze Ashton couldn't find it within himself to look at himself. Most likely due to the fact, his eyes were slightly glistening with tears.
It made Ashton feel somewhat special that he could make someone feel this way. That he was actually saving someone.
Luke pouted slightly at his boyfriends non-verbal reply. Yet he understood that sometimes a simple gesture was all it took to say that it was okay.
Looking over at his therapist the blonde then admitted. "Thanks too." He had no idea how hard it must be for Alex to go through this day after day. Patient after patient. It must drive him crazy.
"That's alright Luke. You're my patient and it is my duty to help you," the grey haired man smiled. He felt a pang of happiness hit him. Never had patient thanked him for his help. He has usually had nasty words and gestures thrown his way.
Well, he did have the patients who were the most mischievous. Luke was not technically signed to him. Alex didn't do anorexic patients. Hence why Luke had the manners to actually thank the therapist. He was not a bad person.
"I know," the blonde muttered. "I just think you need to hear it because let's face it, I've been hard work. And it's incredible that you've given up your life to help people like me who are not always so grateful for it."
Gulping slightly, from where he was standing he placed a supportive arm around the younger boys shoulder.
Closing his eyes, trying not to let a tear escape his tear duct, he inhaled a deep breath. There was so much he wanted to say to Luke. Yet it was not necessary or right in some sense. So he stuck with. "Let's just hope you're not so much trouble from now on then," he chuckled.
Luke let out a little laugh as well, a little creeped out about the arm over his frail shoulder though. His ocean blue eyes then flickered over to the man who was walking down the corridor. Ian.
Luke felt butterflies in the pit of his stomach and his breathing became harder. "I can make no promises," he replied to Alex, knowing exactly what was going to happen next.
Becoming more straight face the man accepted that and he said. "I know." He too knew exactly what the blonde meant. Sighing he muffled Luke's hair before whispering in his patient's ear. "Stay strong."
"Alex. Luke. Nice to see you again, it's been a while," Ian greeted the two. He quickly took a glance at the blonde and noticed his stomach instantly. Smiling sympathetically he turned to open the door. Alex not far behind him.
Luke shivered and Ashton looked at him. Luke gulped and muttered. "Alex was being creepy." He couldn't shake the fact that his therapist's behaviour was not like others.
"He's just being caring," the curly haired boy dismissed whilst pulling the anorexic into the room which would generally hold all of his breakdowns.
"I don't believe we've met?" Ian said turning to look as Ashton. He noticed how the two were holding hands and instantly accepted that. He thought love was a beautiful thing no matter what gender or age one was.
"No," Ashton confirmed. "I'm Ashton, Luke's boyfriend. He asked me to be with him because it'll make him more comfortable," the curly haired boy announced holding out his hand.
Acceptingly Ian took it and replied. "I'm Ian, I'm generally a therapist for people with eating disorders like Luke and assist all the weight check ups of all the eating disorder patients. Hopefully, you won't need to come here for any other reason-"
The man paused and gave a sad smile as his mind flickered through the many events which had happened in this small room. "It's not a nice place to be for at eating disorder patient. Luke would tell you that."
Ashton nodded looking back at his boyfriend. The small boy was looking down somewhat insecurely.
Ian took it within himself to stop talking and get the anorexic out of here as soon as possible. "Would you like to go change into a gown or would you like to get straight into it and just do it in your underwear?" he gave the option.
"Just get straight on with it," the blonde muttered whilst bending down to take off his black converse.
Whilst he was untying them, Alex gestured for Ashton to come and sit next to him on the medical bed. The elder was on his phone with a frown on his face.
"You look worried," Ashton whispered to the grey haired man who slipped his phone in his pocket.
"There's gonna be some stuff going on over the next couple of days," Alex whispered back, a hint of doubt in his tone.
"Like what?" the curly haired boy asked confused.
The whispering was making the blonde uneasy. He thought the two were whispering about him. How fat he had gotten. But a part of him knew that Ashton wouldn't do that to him. Neither would Alex.
Removing his jumper to reveal his swollen stomach Ian couldn't help but stare. Basically every bulimic or anorexic patient he had weighed had gone through this stage eventually in their recovery however none of their bellies protruded as much as the blondes did.
Sympathetically the man reassured the blonde. "Worst stage of your recovery Luke. But I promise you, if you overcome this, you will make it."
"And if I don't?" Luke questioned looking down sadly at what he saw as a pudgy belly.
"You will," he promised not wanting the boy to die. "Now let's get you on this scale."
Ian was a little surprised at how Alex was not saying much. He sensed something was wrong and knew to talk to him a colleague and a close friend later.
Taking a deep breath the blonde headed towards the scale and slowly stepped on.
Ashton and Alex still whispered. The grey haired man informing Ashton about what was going to happen over the next couple of days and the curly haired boy did not look happy.
Looking to his left Ashton watched Luke rapidly step onto the scale with no hesitation and fuss.
However, just before Ian could take his weight Luke quickly hopped back off. "I can't!"
Generally, Alex would comfort the boy and let him talk about his feelings. Ian was getting ready to do so. Yet Alex didn't have the time and was not in the mood. "Luke, like I told you earlier I need you to follow every instruction you are given today. We don't have time. I know this is not easy for you but you need to exactly what we say."
Nervously Luke looked over at his therapist and gulped. He was confused as to what he was talking about and why his mood had drastically changed.
When the blonde didn't move or say anything the grey haired man snapped. "Step on the scale Luke." And then added. "Now!"
Reluctantly the boy stood on the machine. Not wanting to cause his therapist even more stress. Beside him Ian watched the number fluctuate up and down whilst giving the blonde a pitiful smile, himself slightly confused as to what was going on.
"You can step off now," the man said whilst writing down a number and doing some mental calculation.
"So it's been about two weeks since I've weighed you. You were one hundred and five pounds."
Ashton bit the side of his cheek and gulped. Luke had never told him his lower weight before and to hear how light his boyfriend has concerned him.
"You're now at one hundred and sixteen pounds," Ian revealed with a huge smile on his face.
Luke's eyes widened in fear as he pulled his jeans up. He's gained eleven pounds in two weeks. He was only starting to feel it now. How fat he was becoming and a sense of panic and loss of self-control hit him.
On the other hand, the curly haired boy was proud that he had managed to gain so much, although the low weight still worried him.
Alex remained quiet though. He just watched Luke the whole time. Figuring out his emotion with each expression he made.
"However, a lot of that weight is food inside of you, therefore, I'd assume you're only around about one hundred and eight, give or take a few pounds."
That made Luke feel a little better yet he wished to be back down to ninety-six pounds again.
Ian was going to begin explaining some more but the grey haired man's phone began to ring. He picked it up and at began the conversation with whom ever was on the other end of the phone.
"Yeah... That's fine... An hour is fine... You'll get the stuff ready?... Okay... See you then... Bye." Alex hung up and then turned to look at the blonde boy who was now fully dressed again.
"Jumper off," the man said bluntly.
"Why?" Luke queried confused. He didn't want no one to see his body anymore. Not until he liked it himself.
"I want to look at your stretch marks."
"I don't want you to see them," the blonde shot back insecurely.
Alex had noticed that Luke's attitude towards himself had changed drastically since he's entered this room and he was unsure if it was permanent.
Taking a more gentle approach with a less stern voice he said. "Please Luke, take it off. I'm only trying to help."
Sighing and giving up in annoyance the blonde pulled his jumper over his head and chucked it on the floor.
Chuckling Ian watched as Alex stood up and walked over to the blonde.
"Turn around," he ordered and Luke obeyed. Alex's warm hands touching his cold lower back sent shivers down his spine. He examined the purple lines which were on his body.
Some were a dark purplish blue and were rather think and others were a faint purple and were starting to fade.
"Some look faded," the grey haired man admitted. "Therefore I assume they're from when you were younger, however, there are definitely some newer ones so I'll get you some cream, okay?"
"Okay." Luke agreed quietly. "Can I put my jumper back on now?"
"Yeah." Alex then walked out of the room leaving the others alone.
"What's his problem?" Ian asked looking between the boys. He also observed how insecure Luke had become over the last couple of minutes.
"Just some stuff which is going to happen later which someone who means a lot to him doesn't want to happen." was all Ashton let slip. "He'll probably tell you later."
Sliding off of the bed Ashton headed over to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. "I'm so proud of you."
To the curly haired boy's surprise, Luke never replied which slightly concerned him.
Ian who already sensed this admitted to Luke. "I know you see a distorted image of yourself Luke. And you sort of do realise this. But I will be completely honest with you, you do normally look like a skeleton. You still do however at the moment you look like a pregnant women. But that's a good thing because it means your body is adapting back to how it used to be. And I think, I bet Ashton thinks this as-"
"Luke." The blonde adverted his eyes to where Victoria stood alongside Alex and Sid whom he knew as Ashton's therapist.
Sid then continued on with the sentence. "You must follow every single instruction we ask you for your own safety and ours."
"Why does everyone keep telling me that!" Luke yelled. It was driving him insane. He just wanted a little freedom. He wasn't allowed to do what he wanted to control his weight so why couldn't he follow a few instructions.
Ashton quickly pulled him into a tight hug and whispered. "I love you, so much." But tension soon filled the air.
"Luke please follow us, now."
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