Chapter Twenty-one
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"You can live in the gym but you're not going to see a difference unless you eat clean," Luke said as he wandered around the empty gym.
"I eat whatever I want," Ashton replied sitting on one of three rowing machines and changing the settings to a higher and harder strength.
From where Luke sat he admired his boyfriend of two days. He was in a black vest top and shorts. His curly locks clung to the top of his head. Luke wished he looked like Ashton.
"But you need a diet if you want to lose weight," the blonde muttered as he stood on the treadmill and examined the buttons curiously.
"I don't want to lose weight though. My weight is healthy, I think," the curly haired boy said as he started the machine and began to row back and forth at a constant speed. He was aiming to row ten kilometres today.
He didn't want to keep Luke in here for too long. He knew that he shouldn't really be in here as he would be incredibly tempted to do exercise and try and lose weight. His eating had also been quite bad these last two days.
He could have left him in his room. But one thing the curly haired boy had noticed about his boyfriend was that he was extremely clingy. And maybe that was for the best.
"Then why are you working out then?" Luke questioned confused. The exercise was horrible in his eyes. Although Luke wants to lose weight he'd never do any form of physical activity if he could help it as he honestly is lazy.
"To tone up what I do eat. Get muscles."
Luke pressed the start button on the treadmill, curious to how it felt to walk on one as he's never actually been on one besides. He was shocked at the sudden movement of the floor below his feet and nearly fell off. Quickly trying to keep up with the moving floor he walked by accident for a short period of time.
"Luke!" Ashton warned with a raised voice concerned about the blonde's actions.
Pressing the stop button on the machine Luke looked down shamefully, unaware of what he was actually doing. "Sorry, I just wanted to see what it felt like to walk on one. I swear I wasn't using to exercise. I hate exercise," he began to ramble.
"It's fine," Ashton dismissed looking at how cute his boyfriend was. Yet again he was dressed in all black. The black jumper he wore hung on him yet was a little short on the body and arms. His skinny jeans his scrawny legs and he word his black converse. The only shoes he brought with him.
But today, the blonde had styled his hair into a quiff instead of it lying flat on his head. His eyes also shined making them seem the most beautiful ocean blue.
On the other hand, Luke couldn't help but gulp as he watched his boyfriend row. His muscles contracting and then bulging made his stomach tingle with butterflies. As he did this though, his veins became more prominent and protruded out of his arms.
Gulping Luke climbed off of the treadmill and decided to sit on a random machine and wait for his boyfriend to finish his work out. It would be unfair if he ruined it because he couldn't follow the simple rules for his stay here.
He understood how good people could feel if their body was in good shape. He once felt like that, when he was about ten pounds lighter.
Smiling to himself he looked down at his swollen stomach. Part of him was glad and happy he was here. He'd met Ashton, he'd grown as a teenager. He had become more mature and had learnt a lot.
Yet, what would he do when he does recover if he did. He hasn't finished school and would have to be held back a year. People would ask questions and he might get bullied again.
Sighing he continued to look down at his belly. He looked fat. His stomach was visible through his jumper and he didn't look skinny.
The curly haired boy had noticed that as well and pitied the blonde. He must feel even worse than he did before. Yet the sight brought something into his mind about what Luke said when they discovered his stretch marks.
He mentioned being obese.
"Luke?" Ashton spoke up whilst panting as he continued to row back and forth at a constant speed.
"Yeah," he replied looking up with sad eyes.
"The other day, you mentioned that you used to be obese." He was unsure if he should have brought the topic up as it obviously going to affect him in some way. "Were you actually?"
"Yeah," Luke replied instantly. "Well basically."
"I'm sure you weren't," Ashton told him trying to boost his confidence.
"I weighed two hundred and twenty pounds!" Luke said with a slight chuckle. "I'm pretty sure I was."
Ashton sighed, he knew that the blonde was right yet didn't want to say anything. Honestly, he didn't expect Luke to be that big, he expected him to have a slight belly which may be classed him as overweight.
He couldn't help but wonder if it were Luke's fault. If he really liked the food. His mother seemed nice, from what he heard, and maybe she couldn't say no to Luke eating whatever he wanted.
"So you used to eat?" Ashton asked biting his lip anxiously. He didn't know what to say at all.
"No duh!" Luke laughed slightly. The conversation has distracted him from everything else what was going on and he automatically started to push against the board on the machine. Straightening and bending his legs continuously.
"But like, you ate a lot?" the curly-haired boy asked looking down.
"Yeah. I used to love food. Still, do," Luke admitted. He would demolish a cheeseburger or a pizza if he had the courage to. "Just hate my body," he admits looking down sadly.
"Your body is beautiful," Ashton complimented out of breath. Sweat was dripping from his forehead and he was slightly panting yet he wasn't going to give up yet.
On top of that, he was too into the conversation to notice that the anorexic was using the leg press machine and bending and straightening his legs slowly. Although, the blonde himself did not know what he was doing.
"So did you always know you were like...well obese?" the curly-haired boy asked curious to know about how his boyfriend ended up developing the eating disorder. Or so he and most thought.
"Not really. I always knew I was heavier than others but I never really noticed I was that big." Both boys were amazed by how he managed to speak so easily about a tough topic.
"So what triggered this now then?" Ashton was in slight pain, his calves were burning from being stretched and he was on the edge of giving up.
"A boy at school," the blonde muttered looking down. He hated this world. He hated people.
As he grew older and observed people he began to realise how everyone, even himself, was ignorant traitors.
You can't trust anybody, with anything. Whoever you are friends with, even if they're the nicest and caring people m you may know. There are going to talk behind your back. And it may not be positive.
Humans, in Luke's eyes, were despicable creatures, unlike animals. And it was all to do with money and status. Something animals didn't really use themselves.
"You were bullied?" Ashton gasped, anger striking his body that someone could do this to someone as sweet and innocent as Luke.
"Yeah I suppose," the blonde muttered looking down. "But then again, he helped me to realise that I was not healthy and made me lose weight for the best."
"You really think it was for the best?" Ashton asked raising his eyebrow concerned.
It took a while for Luke to answer that question. He honestly wasn't sure. Although, right now he had many health problems and there was going to be complications with his body in the past because of what he's done.
Yet, there were complications when he was bigger as well. And Luke knows he shouldn't lose more weight but he just wants to be skinny and honestly he still did want to lose more weight again.
It made him happier, let's just say.
"Yes."
"Luke, you nearly died. You look awful, worse than you would have done when you were obese. Your whole body is damaged, your heart, your lungs, everything. Why do you think you look like a pregnant woman right now with that belly? Because what you have done to yourself has destroyed your body. Losing all this weight was definitely not for the best."
Luke was shocked and stopped midway through his leg press, a lot of pressure on his weak bones.
Ashton didn't know where that rant came from, but himself also had stopped rowing.
The two sat in silence, Luke contemplating to disagree with Ashton. That his happiness was more important. Ashton starting to regret a little of what he said.
"What's more important?" the blonde said quietly. "My happiness or my health?"
"Your health, Luke. And don't you dare say that you were happier when you were skinnier because, in reality, we all know that is not true. You're in some sort of way depressed right now. I mean you self-harm. You're not happy you just prefer your body now than then."
Luke sighed, looking down. Nothing really stuck in his head what his boyfriend just said but the fact that he looked like a pregnant woman. Luke just really wanted to be perfect.
"What are you doing!" a stern voice was heard before Luke felt a set of arms gripping his shoulders and tugging him off of the machine so he was standing up.
Shaken up slightly the blonde spin round to reveal his therapist whom he had not seen in nearly a week.
"Why the hell are you using the weights machine they're clearly off bound for you? Ashton, why did you bring him in here with you?"
Alex did not seem happy, and although before part of Luke wished the grey-haired man would do a session with him, he was now regretting it.
"I wasn't using them."
"He wasn't using it."
The curly-haired and blonde boy said simultaneously. Both actually unaware that he was.
"Don't lie to me. I saw you use it just a second ago," the man said through a still raised voice. His hands-on his hips.
"Sorry," Luke mumbled. "I didn't realise I was doing it honestly. I'll eat a little extra later if I need to incase I burned some calories. Sorry."
Alex stood with wide eyes. He honestly couldn't believe what he was hearing. The blonde was agreeing to eat something which he had not yet been told to.
"No, it's fine. I will believe you this once."
Taking a moment to observe his patient, Alex's eyes flickered to Luke's torso where he saw the outline of Luke's stomach through his top. He also expected it to be shrinking by now. And like Victoria said, it was still swelling which was concerning.
"You're looking a lot healthier in the face. Especially with colour," he admitted surprised that he could see a difference from the time he'd be gone. "Do you mind if I talk to you outside a moment?"
"Sure," he agreed nervously, his eyes flickering over to his boyfriend before following after his therapist.
"I talked to Ashton earlier," Alex said, his voice a lot calmer now and he had a small smile on his face. "Congratulations on being together."
"Thank you," Luke gushed. His pale complexion turning a faint red.
"Also, he told me about your stretch marks," he continued turning back into his therapeutic self. "Would you like cream to remove or help them fade?"
"Yes please," the blonde agreed eagerly. He didn't want to be even more imperfect.
"And considering that you are still getting more swollen I'm going to try you on laxatives for now, and maybe get you checked up again."
Nodding Luke smiled, this meant he would no longer look like a pregnant woman like Ashton called him.
"How are you finding it, looking like this?" Alex questioned concerned.
"I hate it!" Luke moaned, a small pout forming on his face. "I look even worse."
"It's just temporary," the grey-haired man reassured. The reassurance was not like Ashton's though. It didn't make him feel beautiful or loved.
"Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I weigh myself?" Luke asked curiously whilst looking down a little nervous.
Sighing the elder asked. "Why?"
"I haven't had one in a while, I just want to know how much I weigh."
Biting his lip Alex nodded. He was overdue a weigh-in. And Alex needed the information however he wasn't too keen on sharing it with Luke.
"Okay but you have to promise me one thing."
"What?"
"That you follow every single instruction you are given today. Whether you like it all not."
Luke frowned confused. "I always usually do?" He was unsure if he actually didn't follow them.
"There's going to be a change around here for you Luke. And you're not going to like it because you're going to feel like you're the only person on this earth being treated like this."
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