Fade in to Lopez and Simmons securing Red Base
Lopez: Consiga más cajas allá.
Simmons: Keep watching your motion tracker. This guy can turn invisible.
Lopez: Es eso donde él fue?
Caption: Is that where he went?
Cut to the Meta flickering in and out of invisibility, and grunting.
Simmons: Whoa! Did you hear that?
Lopez: Tengo algo en mi perseguidor de movimiento.
Caption: I have something on my motion tracker.
Simmons: (meekly) Yeah, it was loud.
Lopez: No, Usted idiota! Allá!
Caption: No, you idiot! Over there!
They back up and reload in perfect unison, like a ballet, and Donut comes around the corner... like a ballet
Donut: Hey guys. Sup?
Simmons: Donut?
Lopez: Usted no dijo a este individuo para cambiar color?
Caption: Didn't you say this guy could change color?
Donut: I just finished cleaning up Blue Base. What's going on over here?
Lopez: Pienso que debemos tirarlo apenas para ser seguros.
Caption: I think we should shoot him just to be safe.
Simmons: Donut that guy attacked me. I ran out of the base screaming! Why didn't you help me?
Donut: You guys seemed like you knew each other. I thought you were just catching up.
Simmons: He was firing grenades at me!
Donut: Yeah? So? I thought that was an inside joke between the two of you.
Simmons: What? What kinda joke would that be?
Donut: Well how do I know? I've been gone a long time, Simmons.
Simmons: What?
Donut: In fact, it was clear that I didn't know the guy. So shame on you for not introducing us. And quite frankly, I found the whole thing a bit rude.
Simmons: ... What?!
Donut: Rude.
Lopez: Seriamente, podría apenas tirar...
Caption: Seriously, we could just bury him out back.
Lopez: ...del respirador ahora.
Caption: We wouldn't even have to tell anybody.
Hey, check it out, Church is back as Doctor Ball or as the Orical
Tucker: Church? You're telling me that thing is Church.
Caboose: Well, not exactly. See um, technically, ah, this thing, is ah just a memory of Church. Um, his name is Epsilon.
Ghost: A.I. dumbass.
Valkyrie appears
Valkyrie: Like me asshole!
Tucker: Epsiwhatsawhat?
Valkyrie: I hate you.
Church: Me, dipshit!
Caboose: Uh yeah, see he's a resident memory of the guy that church was based on? So, he's kind of like, remembering himself. Eh, Simmons can explain. You know much better than I can. Probably.
Ghost: Aka his memery is fucked up and he needs to remember it all.
Caboose: Yeah, like that.
Grif: Sounds like I have another reason to be glad Simmons isn't here.
Church: Wait, I thought he was Simmons.
Caboose: He's Sarge. Su-u-arrguh. Uh.
Church: I'm confused, not deaf you idiot. And who's the yellow one?
Grif: I'm not yellow, I'm orange!
Church: Yeah? Then how'd you know who I was talkin' about?
Tucker: How come he remembers us, but not who we are?
Grif: Why does everyone think I'm yellow? Seriously! Didn't anybody have a box of crayons when they were a kid?
Caboose: Oh it will come back to him. See I've been telling him stories, about all of us.
Tucker: ...
Caboose: Well, most of us.
Ghost: I corrected him.
Tucker: ...
Ghost: On the stuff about me and the girls.
Sarge: Is that what you've been tryin' to do all this time? Rebuild your buddy?
Caboose: Yes. No. Maybe. Which would make you less mad?
Tucker: So the only stuff he knows about us is what you told him? That's scary on a lotta levels dude.
Church: Why?
Tucker: Hoh, why, okay, quick quiz: Who am I?
Church: You're Captain Flowers, right? You're dead. I've been meaning to ask you about that part, is he like a zombie?
Tucker: Uh huh, and who is he?
Church: He's Griff. Which is spelled with two Fs.
Grif: God dammit! Okay, now that's another thing!
Church: Caboose was very specific about that second F.
Tucker: Yeah, and what about the red guy?
Church: Well, if he's not Simmons, then I guess he's Sarge. That would make him the gruff and regimented leader of the Red Team.
Sarge: That actually seems pretty-
Tucker: Pst- give him one more second.
Church: Which would make him also the Captain of their pirate ship.
Tucker: There it is.
Ghost: Yeah listening to this kid is fucking hallareus.
Caboose: I am a good storyteller.
Ghost: You would be a good father.
Tucker: How are you gonna tell stories? You can't even read stories.
Caboose: I can read.
Tucker: Caboose is the only guy I know of who had an illustrated field manual. He's a moron.
Caboose: Well it helps when the stories have pictures. Duh.
Tucker: For the first two months I worked with him, he thought you held grenades over your head, while they shot arrows at the enemy.
Caboose: That diagram could have been a lot more specific.
Sarge: Heh. You're lucky. As a recruit Grif didn't even know what a grenade was. I called it a pineapple. And he tried to swallow it.
Ghost: Yeah that was also funny.
Grif: Yeah well it still tasted better than those M.R.E.s you serve us.
Sarge: Grif, show some respect! Do you know how many men died to develop those meals?
Ghost: Zero.
Grif: I can tell you exactly how many: everybody who ever tasted one.
Tucker: At least he doesn't kill everyone who suits up for your team.
Caboose: Oh, yeah, I don't think I really did that.
Tucker: Then who did?
Caboose: Okay, stick with me on this, right? What if Church, travelled back in time, using Wyoming's special ability power-
Tucker: God, shut up, that's fucking retarded.
Ghost: It's not and if you say that again I will fucking rip your arms off.
Tucker: Sorry.
Grif: Hugh, you guys are idiots!
Caboose: What? What about you guys?
Sarge: Who's the real idiot? The idiot? Or the idiot who fights him?
Tucker: What dude? In either scenario, you're still an idiot.
Sarge: Huhh, I would expect you to say something like that.
Grif: Wait, I think he's right.
Sarge: Shut up Grif! I always thought your armor was yellow too. Matches your personality.
Caboose: Hey! You shouldn't be mean to people who work for you, and just want to be your friend!
Tucker: No one tries to do that but you.
Sarge: I think you're all a bunch o' idiots and I'm gonna fight every one of ya.
Everyone talks over each other for a bit. This is what I can discern:
Grif: I hate you, you don't even know what color I am.
Tucker: What are the chances I don't even find a chick?
Grif: So fuck you and go fuck yourself.
Sarge: Oh yeah? Well in your face.
Tucker: No really, it says oogly, how is that fucking possible?
Sarge: I can handle a shotgun.
Grif: You had sex with a rock.
Tucker: Your sister's name is Rock?
Grif: No you had sex with Dwayne Johnson
Tucker: Fuck you, man
Church: Everybody stop.
Caboose: I am yelling about things okay I guess we're done now.
Church: Alright listen guys, I may not remember everything right now, but it will come back to me, 'kay? I can feel it. But I do know this: If we don't work together, and destroy this weapon, those guys outside are gonna kill a lot of people. And we can't let that happen. So just for a moment, let's set aside our differences, and get to work solving this problem.
Church starts drifting to his right
Church: Together. Being in charge is a tough task. But I'm a born leader. So if you follow me, I know I can get us through this. Are you with me?
Grif: Where are you going?
Church: Uh yeah, I don't seem to have full control over my body yet? But that doesn't invalidate anything I said! I assume leader- fuck, okay, I'll be right back! Noone else take the leader position while I'm gone!
Caboose: Okay bye.
Sarge: Yeah, seeya later, Winston Churchill.
Connie: Honestly what the fuck is going on!?
South: we don't know, so we just follow Ghost and role with it.
Dhuka: It's much easier.
Sister: Well no shit.