Fade in to the freighter crashing into the temple
Grif: What the hell are they doing out there?
Tucker: They've been trying to blast their way in here ever since I locked it down. They're not having much luck though are you fucking assholes! The stuff looks like rock, but it's way tougher.
Grif: What's tougher than rock?
Caboose: Paper.
Ghost: No Caboose, it's not.
Tucker: T- how the fuck should I know? Super-rock? What am I, some kind of geographist?
Sarge: They have some kind of big machine out there.
Tucker: Yeah, they just got that thing. I think they think they're gonna yank this door off with it. Not fuckin' happening.
Sarge: They wanna get their hands on that weapon?
Tucker: Yeah, and we can't let 'em turn it on, no matter what happens.
Sarge: Well why don't we just turn it on and use it against them?
Tucker: Huh! What? We don't know what it does! We could turn it on and it could make us all sterile.
Grif: Would it do that?
Tucker: Well, the last weapon we found was designed to wipe out all organic life in a huge radius.
Grif: (whistles) Wow. What's a, radius?
Tucker: I don't know, they just made me learn this crap for my dumb job. Point is, don't touch anything. You hit the wrong button or flip the wrong swtich, we'll all be dead before you can say- where's Caboose, Ghost and the chicks?
Sarge: Uh, I don't think that's how that expression goes.
Tucker: No, I mean where the fuck is Caboose, Ghost and the chicks?
Sarge: Ah yeah, he does have a habit of wandering off. He's been trying to rig equipment to do something. We don't really know what. That boy is not quite right, you know. And Ghost was probably following him... and the girls are following him.
Tucker: What- I just said not to touch anything, and you guys let him walk away to find equipment? What the hell is wrong with you? Man, I swear, you guys have always been idiots but, this takes the cake.
Grif: Hey! He's on your team, asshole.
Tucker: Oh, right. ... Hey uh, so if you guys aren't doing anything, you wanna help me go find Caboose, Ghost and the chicks?
Sarge: Let's go.
Grif: So embarassing for you.
Tucker: Just go find the them.
Grif: So sad.
Tucker: I fucked your sister.
Grif: No you didn't Ghost did... multiple times!
Tucker: God dammit.
Check it out, Lopez is fixing the motorcycle
Lopez: (grunts)
Simmons: Looopeeeez!
Lopez: No! Acabo de fijar esto.
Caption: No! I just fixed this.
Lopez: Ésta es el mío.
Caption: This one is mine. Stay away!
Simmons: He's here! He's here!
Lopez: Quién?
Caption: Who?
Simmons: The bad guy, the guy who wants to kill us!
Lopez: Me necesito ser más específico que ése.
Caption: You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Explosion
Simmons: The Meta, he's here!
Lopez: Qué? Aquí?
Caption: What? Here?
Lopez: Pensé que el es muerto.
Caption: I thought he was dead.
Simmons: Oh jeez look out!
They both duck and a shot goes over their heads
Simmons: Son of a bitch!
Lopez: Madre de Dios!
Simmons: Lopez, we need some big guns.
Lopez: OK. Ve que pueda hacer.
Caption: OK. That I can do.
Simmons: I'll grab the rocket launcher. Just grab whatever you can Lopez, I'm trained to handle this weapon.
Simmons comes back with the rocket launcher, Lopez disappears inside the base
Simmons: Lopez? Anybody?
The Meta crests the ramp at the front of the base
Simmons: Alright you bastard, prepare to get Simmonsized.
Simmons fires and hits the motorcycle, and the Meta watches as it flies overhead and lands on the ground behind him
Simmons: Well fuck me.
Lopez blows the fuck out of the Meta and emerges from the base with a minigun
Lopez: Usted dijo "Simmonsized"?
Caption: Did you seriously just say "Simmonsized"?
Simmons: Lopez-
Lopez: Cierre la cogida.
Caption: Shut the fuck up.
Lopez: Usted rompió motocicleta.
Caption: You broke my motorcycle again.
Cut to Caboose in the temple crouching down next to things with Ghost and the girls behind him
Ghost: Where is it?
South: How should we know. You're the only one that's seen this thing before.
Caboose starts to look around the room
Caboose: No. ... No. ... Hmm...
Ghost: Looks like we found it.
Exterior: Temple. Douchebags.
C.T.: Just open the temple and you can leave. We'll take what we want and noone has to get hurt.
Tucker: Shut up, idiot! I should have stabbed that fucking speaker while I was out there.
Grif: Caboose!
Tucker: Caboose, where are you!?
Sarge: Hey Blue! Hope you're not dead! Now that there's two of ya, we finally have a fair fight. Come on out here so we can kill ya!
Tucker: Hey guys, shut up, you hear that?
Those three come up around the corner from Caboose
Caboose: Would you be quiet? See you're gonna get me in trouble.
Church: (filtered) Trouble? Fuck that.
Ghost: Just shut up.
Tucker: Who're they talking to? Aw crap, did somebody break into the temple?
Caboose: No no! Okay, see you broke that. See that was your fault.
Church: That, that was already broken.
South No it wasn't, you fucking idiot!
Church: Who are you calling an idiot!
Tucker switches to his sword, and for some reason makes swooshing sounds as he does so
Tucker: Alright, let's charge in there, and take these assholes out. On my mark.
Sarge: ...
Tucker: That means when I say 'go'.
Grif: That voice sounds familiar.
Sarge: Yeah, I find it annoying and grating for some reason.
Caboose: Okay, just stop moving around. Hold still!
Church: I am holding still, you're the one that's moving.
Tucker: Yeah, that sounds like-
Church: Get your hands off me, fuck it, douche!
Caboose: Sorry Church.
Tucker, Grif and Sarge: Church!?
Yes, Church. I had it figured out. Didn't you guys? Anyway, they come around the corner and see Caboose and a hovering ball
Ghost: Sup.
Caboose: I can explain.
Church: Who the fuck are these guys?
Ghost: The idiots.
Sister: and lazy ass brother.
Sarge: Who brought the floating bowling ball? Where's the thumbhole?