Chairman: Dear Director.
Fade in to ...a car chase?
Chairman: Our laws are not designed to outline every possible infraction that may take place! However the spirit of the law is clear. Blatant disregard for the safety and well-being of our citizens, in any form, will always be a punishable offense, regardless of how well, or by whom that offense has been justified.
The Reds are in the lead car, being fired upon
Simmons: Here they come!
Sarge: Simmons, what're you waitin' for? Shoot 'em!
Simmons: I can't, the stupid gun is jammed!
Sarge: Step on it, Grif.
Grif: Yeah, no shit!
Sarge: Whose idea was it to steal a jeep from these guys anyway?
Cut to Wash, Ghost, Sister, Dhuka, South and the Blues watching
Washington: Nuhh, I knew this plan wouldn't work.
Church: We all knew this plan wouldn't work. None of our plans ever work.
Caboose: That's why we carry guns.
Washington: "We can get a car, no problem. We're better with vehicles than the Blues, let us handle this." Why did I even listen to them?
Church: I told you not to.
Washington: Yeah, well, I already stopped listening to you three bases ago.
Caboose: Well that's not very-
Washington: And I never started listening to you.
Ghost: You don't listen to anyone but command.
The chase continues!
Sarge: Force them into the wall.
Grif: On it!
The pursuing car enters the base
Grif: Where'd they go!?
Sarge: Did ya lose 'em?
Grif: Looks like it.
They skid to a stop as the other car works its way through the base
Sarge: What in Sam Hell? I don't believe it.
Grif: Well Sarge, I guess you owe me an apology. Turns out I'm not such a bad driver after-
The other jeep emerges from the base right in front of them
Grif: ...all.
The other jeep's gunner turns the turret toward them, complete with dramatic gun cock
Grif: Aw come on, what the fuck!
The Blues watch the chase resume
Caboose: Aw man. That jeep has a really big gun.
Church: Don't get any ideas.
Sister: Why is my brother such an idiot?
Dhuka/South/Ghost: No one knows...
Washington: *sigh* Well I guess I'd better get down there and save them. I'm really starting to hate this part of the job.
Ghost: Just get use to it.
Caboose: Well at least you're getting a lot of practice at it.
Washington: Don't patronize me.
Church: You know, if we let one or two of 'em die we could probably all squeeze in to one car. Just saying, you should think about it.
Caboose: Oh, and if enough of us die, we can fit on a motorcycle!
Church: Alright good, he's gone. Guys, you stay here, I'll be right back.
Caboose: You're leaving?
Church: Yeah.
Church leaves his body again, making more work for the transcriber
Church: For some reason he doesn't want me to see Tex's body. I'm gonna go try to find her.
Caboose: Um... Don-, don't leave me here with your body. It stares at me, and I don't like it.
Ghost: Kid all of us are here too, your not alone.
Dhuka: He won't listen to you.
Ghost: I know.
Church: You'll be fine.
Church leaves
Church's body: *humming sound*
Caboose: Stop it.
Back to the chase!
Simmons: Got it!
Grif: Great, you unjammed the gun? How 'bout you shoot 'em!?
Sarge: Grif, just get us out of this!
Grif: Hold on, I wanna try something. I think I can make this jump!
Sarge: Are you insane?
Grif: Yeah, fuck this, brakes!
They skid to a sideways stop at the edge of a cliff, which the other jeep promptly jumps off of and explodes from gunfire
Grif: Uhuh, we're really high.
Simmons: Yeah, got him!
Washington: You idiots! We needed that jeep!
Grif: Uh yeah, and we needed not to die? What's your point?
Washington: There's still ten of us. Where're we gonna get another vehicle?
A gunship rises up behind Wash, and everyone turns to look at it
Washington: ...Oh.
Grif: Hey, dude? In the future, don't ask for shit.
Cut to the base, with a couple mooky guards guarding it and watching on
Guard 1: Looks like the Hornet's gonna get 'em.
Guard 2: Yeah. They blew up our jeep though. That kinda sucks.
Guard 1: And they killed two of our friends, right?
Guard 2: Oh yeah that too.
Guard 1: Still I think -
Church enters the guard. ...ew
Guard 1: Heagurgurk!
Guard 2: You okay?
Church: Me?
Guard 2: Yeah you. What was that noise?
Church: I didn't, hear any noise.
Guard 2: It sounded like-
Church: I sneezed.
Guard 2: You sneezed.
Church: Yeah, so anyway, I'm gonna go in the base now, gonna go do some patrolling in there. You know how it goes. Standard ops stuff. Okay seeya.
Guard 2: What're you talkin' about, the CO said to stay out here. Make sure no-one gets in the base.
Church: Oh it's okay. I uh, I spoke to the Sargeant. He gave me special orders.
Guard 2: Okay, yeah. Wait, you mean the Captain?
Church: Huh? Yeah right. That guy. Whatever.
Church enters the base and we return to the Reds in all kinds of deep shit
Simmons: Run!
Wash looks to the base and sees one of the guards (actually Church) enter it, and radios Caboose
Washington: Dammit. Caboose! What is Church doing?
Caboose: Oh, uh, doing? Uh why nothing Agent Washington he's just standing next to me watching you get killed by the giant spaceship.
Washington: Oh really. Can you put him on then?
Caboose: Oh, I don't think so, um, we're, we're playing a game. Uh called, who can hold still the longest. Uhm, it's a fun game we-
An explosion shakes the cliff they're on enough that Church's empty body falls over backward and Ghost pacepalms
Caboose: ...I'm going to have to call you back.