Chapter Eight
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"I'm not mental," the blonde blurted out as he sat in front of Alex the next morning. His breakfast in front of him on the table.
After Victoria dismissed him without having to eat his dinner all that crossed his mind was that everyone now thought he had something wrong in his head.
"I never said you were?" Alex raised an eyebrow curiously at his anorexic patient. "Why would you think that?"
Shying away the blonde looked down and fiddled with his fingers. Sighing Alex got up putting pressure on his elbows and moved to sit next to Luke. His larger knees touching the blondes extremely thin ones.
"Can I ask you some questions, Luke? You don't have to answer them. But only answer honestly, if you're going to lie don't bother answering at all."
Nodding Luke looked down at the light grey carpet which had various stains on that he didn't want to imagine what caused them. The blonde thought he'd probably be remaining silent a lot as he was not one for sharing stuff.
"Do you hear things?"
Sarcastically with a chuckled Luke replied. "Of course I do. I have working ears!"
Biting his cheek in temptation not to smirk Alex rephrased the question. "Do you hear voices in your head, Luke?"
The smugness vanished from the anorexics face and he once again looked down gloomily. "No," he admitted.
"Are you sure?" the grey-haired man queried before sighing. "The truth is always the best Luke. Because if you do hear voices its best to tell us now. Or tell me and we can discuss who you want to know. It's better to get it treated sooner than later before your eating disorder kills you. If you do hear voices then we can sort them out and maybe you'll be able to eat more freely."
"I don't want to get fat," the blonde retorted misunderstanding the explanation. Luke didn't care what happened if people did find out stuff he didn't want them too. The only thing he didn't want to happen was to gain weight. In his blue eyes, he still had a lot to lose.
Sighing Alex got up and stood freely in the middle of the room. "Do you like talking, Luke?"
The blonde stared at him wondering why he was so strange. He wore grey jeans accompanied by a pair of vans and on top a plain dark blue shirt tucked in.
"Depends on who it is," Luke shrugged his eyes roaming the room unable to look into Alex's own ones.
Noticing this Alex commented. "Sit wherever you want, you don't even have to look at me as long as I can hear you."
Taken aback the blonde started and remained seated on the sofa as if he were paralysed. To him, it was considered rude not to at least look at the speaker whilst they're communicating with you. However, his therapist was suggesting the opposite.
"Do you like looking out of windows. Often people with imaginations like you will be more open when you can look out into the open. Do you want to give that a try?" the grey-haired man offered.
Before giving a simple reply Luke queried. "You're different?"
Alex wasn't taken aback at all even though the statement could be good or bad. "Thanks, it'll be boring if I were like everyone else. You're like no one else I have met before Luke. You're rather intriguing."
Smiling the blonde looked up with a glint in his ocean blue eyes. "Did you know you see your nose all the time but your brain chooses to ignore it."
For the first time Alex smiled at Luke without being sympathetic, he thought maybe he was getting somewhere personally with the boy. "Where did you hear that from?"
"I read it in a book," the blue-eyed boy spoke enthusiastically happy that someone was interested in his facts. Usually, his mother or brothers who tell him to go away as he'd talk to many scientific facts.
"You like reading?" he thought maybe with the blonde interested in books it could not only distract him but educate him further on his eating disorder.
Nodding eagerly he rambled. "I love reading it's better than living. Each word grabs me and takes me into a different world. It makes me feel lighter."
"Lighter?" Alex questioned with his eyebrows furrowed slightly. "How so?"
"It takes the pressure off of me. I know I'm fat but some of the extra weight I feel on my shoulders is where I worry. But when it goes I feel a little closer to a healthier weight."
Sighing at one specific word Alex asked. "Shall we change the word fat to something else?"
"Obese?"
Inhaling a deep breath the grey haired man looked the anorexic up and down. His mother had shown him pictures of the blonde a couple of years ago. Where he was definitely on the verge of being obese. "How about a random word that has nothing to do with your appearance?"
And random it was. "Perched," he suggested.
Once again turning to a more positive sense the older man nodded. "Perched it is. So whenever you want to talk negatively about your body you use the word perched."
"But-" the blonde went to protest. Whenever using negative words to describe his body it motivated him to lose even more weight.
"Can you try?" he asked hopefully.
Luke shrugged. He could, but he wouldn't.
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After the blonde slowly made his way over to the window seat which had a long pillow along the edge Alex began to work out what damage Luke had done to himself psychically and mentally. "Are you going to eat your breakfast?"
"No."
"You know the consequences Luke if you don't at least try you'll be stuck with Victoria all day."
"I like her," the blonde shrugged not minding the punishment.
"But," Alex began with a truth which had been twisted into a lie slightly. "Every Saturday I host a range of activities for patients here and usually there physical. I'd suspect you'd like to join."
Gulping Luke looked down at the protruding stomach which sat on his lap. He couldn't eat yet he needed exercise. His mind was running wild with thoughts as silence followed for minutes as Alex watched observantly. Luke came to the conclusion he would eat whatever he had to and would work it all off with some extra fat later.
"Do I have to eat it all?" he checked as the older man smiled placing a bowl of plain yoghurt and mixed fruit in front of him. It was healthy yet way too many calories.
"You can try," the elder said whilst walking away and sitting at his own desk with pen and paper upon it.
Gulping the blonde picked up the spoon and scooped up a berry and slowly with a shaking hand he placed it into his mouth. Gagging and worrying Luke thought against his fear to swallow it.
However, Alex wasn't satisfied yet. Just one barely full spoon would not keep him alive. Therefore he had tactics to try to get the blonde's mind off of his actions and instead admit his feeling.
"Let's talk about your body," he spoke as Luke took yet another small bite.
"I'd rather not," the anorexic disagreed.
"Tough, what do you think about it?"
"It's disgusting," Luke spat. "I'm too fat."
"The wrong word," the grey-haired man reminded him. "Remember we agreed on using perched."
"I never agreed," Luke argued back whilst he took his fifth spoonful.
"Okay then. Is there any part of your body that you like?"
Pulling a face while thinking to be placed yet another spoonful of the yoghurt into his mouth unsure of what he was doing. "I guess I like my eyes."
Nodding and smiling Alex complimenting. "They're sure to catch a girls attention."
Gulping the blonde mumbled. "I'm gay." The grey-haired man was not going to judge. He had nothing wrong with gays, however, liked to fuss one as they were still the same as everyone else.
Acceptingly Alex replied with a subtle, "Okay." And to yet again avoid being off-topic he continued. "What about your face, you're quite handsome," the older man admitted.
"Quite?"
"Well to some, and at first to me, a little scary to look at."
"Scary?"
Sighing not knowing how to explain what he's got himself into as Luke was not going to believe it Alex said. "You don't see this, which I will have yet to teach you. But your face is rather hollow as you're underweight and therefore with no fat on your face your skin has sunken into your bones."
Alex was correct, Luke disagreed with the nonsense he conjured up however Alex watched satisfyingly as Luke continuously ate his breakfast. He was just concerned about what would happen after he figured out what he'd done.
"How about your hair?"
"It's greasy and it's starting to fall out," dropping his spoon Luke reached towards his hair and gave a gentle tug and he pulled out a clump of his messy blonde hair.
The grey-haired man could relate a little as his hairline was increasingly receding.
"What about your arms?"
Pulling a face Luke replied. "They're all jiggly like my legs. And I'm not strong."
"So you still want to lose weight?"
"I evidently do, look at me," he spoke through a full mouth whilst Alex remained looking down scribbling away on a sheet of paper.
"How much do you want to weigh?"
"Nothing."
"Realistically."
"When do I get to weigh myself?" the blonde asked eagerly needing to know how much he's put on. Hoping he wasn't at one hundred pounds again.
"Every Sunday there is a morning weigh-in. So tomorrow, however, it is up to me to share your current weight with you."
"You'll tell me, won't you. I need to know it so I can control how much I need to exercise."
"I don't think I will, yet."
"But-"
"And I need to make another thing clear. You'll not be able to exercise unless I give you my permission."
"But-"
"That goes for purging as well."
"How?" the blonde dropped his spoon with a clang onto the carpet. Only banana remained which he despised. The texture alongside the taste.
"I've received a little more information about you this morning. Your stay at the hospital didn't seem to go well. I understand you were tube-fed but I don't want it to get to that and I think if we have a session like this with every meal you should consume a good amount of food."
"I'm not going to-" looking down the blonde realised what he'd done. His basically empty bowl symbolised multiple calories building up to fat which clung to his body.
Rapidly the blonde's heart began to thud violently at his previous actions. His head rapidly thought and his stomach churned.
Bolting instantly up of the ledge and gathering his balance Luke ran. He didn't know where the toilets are nearest to here. But he ran until he found them. Running would burn settling calories already.
Alex wasn't behind, though. Old and not in the shape he had experience with patients running off like Luke did whether they were harming themself or not.
Vision blurry and head pounding Luke finally reached the toilet and sank to the floor letting the familiar burning sensation filled his throat as he heaved before emptying the contents into the toilet.
"Luke, no!" Alex leapt to the floor and dragged him away. Bile running down his face and arms flailing Luke tried to escape however he was still weak.
"Please," he begged through choking sobs.
After minutes of sulking and violent actions, Luke began to calm and sunk back into Alex's firm hold.
"You're not going to let me die, will you?" Luke asked quietly. His chest rising and falling frantically.
"Of course not," he replied running a hand through the blonde's hair. "You will eat."
"Can I leave when I'm a healthy weight?" the blonde asked using a funny voice on the healthy weight.
Disagreeing Alex said. "You can weigh three hundred pounds but you won't leave until you are accepting of your body and happy to eat."
"Can I still go swimming tonight."
"Maybe. But you're eating both meals under strict supervision. And I want to search your room anything dangerous to yourself."
"I hate you," the blonde murmured as his eyes began to close while he remained to lay on Alex in an unhygienic bathroom floor with bile all over himself.
"Most people do Luke."
"Why?"
"Same reason you do."
"Why don't you leave?"
Looking down at the familiar blue eyes he admitted, "Because the person I fell in love with is taken and now I'm looking out for someone very special to her."
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