"JJ?" His voice soft, no where near as harsh as it was two minutes ago when he spoke to Jake. I don't say anything, my mind is just focused on getting out of this situation as soon as I can. "Don't speak to me Spencer." I can't get all caught up in him again, I don't want to get stuck in his never ending trap.
I walk past him, taking long strides toward the office. The only thing that deters me is his rushed footsteps following mine. I re route and make my way to the girls toilets instead.
I push open a cubicle and find a woman sat on the toilet. "Oh my god I'm so sorry!" I half shout and she frowns while closing the door in my face. I enter the cubicle closest to the far wall and sit on the closed toilet seat. Tears threaten to make another appearance and I take in a deep breath.
If this is me just seeing his chest and hearing his voice, what am I going to be like when- I couldn't even. The tears push harder and I know that if I continue to think the way I am, they will win.
The toilet beside me flushes and I use that as a cue to exhale. It comes out as a pathetic quiver and I smack myself for it. He doesn't care. After five minutes of feeling sorry for myself I gather my thoughts and stand up.
I check my face in the mirror and dab beneath my eyes with a tissue before leaving the restroom. When I reach the corridor that leads to the offices Spencer is no longer there. I take a few steps forward and come to a sharp halt when I walk into someone. "Mr Anderson, I'm so sorry." His coffee is now covering his crisp white shirt. He pinches at it while sucking in deep breaths. "Shit." I begin to wipe it with the tissue I previously wiped my eyes with, but it just makes things worse. Little white baubles fall off and stick to the wetness, creating a brown and white bubbly mess. His hands wrap around mine, removing them from his chest.
I've just harassed and assaulted my boss. I knocked coffee up his shirt, burning him. I wiped it down with a dirty tissue and then swore at him. I'm going to get sacked.
I look up in an attempt to read the situation, I'm no where near as good at this as Emily is, how does she do it? "I'm so, so sorry." I panic and he smiles at me, his fingers still wrapped around my wrists. "It's fine Jennifer, I have a spare one in my office." The idea of him changing his shirt behind that door causes me to blush and he laughs while letting go of my arms. "Are you ok? You look a little-"
"I'm fine. I'm just having a bad day." I lie and his shoulders relax. "How about you go home, I'm sure Jake wouldn't mind covering for you." he winks and I smile again for the first time since I left the elevator.
Just as he begins to smile Jake leaves the coffee room and makes his way in our direction. "Speak of the devil." he smiles and Jake frowns slightly. "Why are you both looking at me like that?" he asks when he stops in front of us. "Jennifer was just wondering if you would cover her for the rest of the day?" Jakes eyes move to mine and I smile apologetically. "She's not feeling too good." The boss finishes and Jake smirks. "Ooh, she's not feeling to good?" he takes a sip from his coffee mug and Mr Anderson nods before entering his own office.
"You little minx, you." he laughs and nudges my arm. "Flirting with the boss and getting the rest of the day off?" We begin to walk. "If I would have known you'd dump your work on me, I wouldn't have bought you that drink earlier." he teases as we reach the office I work in. "I'm sorry I just-"
"It's fine JJ, I can take it. I have hardly any work anyway, being the bosses best friends son and all." he boasts and then places his hand on my shoulder.
I can feel Spencer's eyes on us and I don't want Jakes hand to move. I want to make Spencer jealous. "Thanks jake." I say and finish with a quick peck to his cheek. His eyes lighten for a moment and he smiles his bright smile again before heading into his block of offices on the opposite side of the corridor.
I enter the room and Blake looks at me with wide eyes. She stands and meets me at my desk with a giant smile covering her face. "Look at you." she teases. "He so fancies you." She continues and I force a smile to her. "I'm heading home now." her smile fades slightly and she sighs. "it's because of him isn't it?"
"I'm just not ready yet Alex." I say in a firm tone and she nods. "Need me to cover you?"
"It's fine thanks, Jake is covering me." she laughs at my words and teases me again. "sooo fancies you." she spins on her heel and sits at her desk, leaving me smiling. My eyes meet Spencer's for a moment and I look away straight away, he can't know how he's affecting me and the smile Blake put on my face holds out until I reach the elevator.
Instead of going home I go to Emily's, I don't bother to tell her and Derek about what's been going on. I suspect they already know though, Spencer comes round often enough and when I walk through the door, Emily pulls me straight into a hug.
***
The next few days aren't as bad, I spend my lunches with Jake and sometimes Alex. Spencer has been temporarily moved to an office a floor down from me and I don't even bother asking why. If I want to get over him I need to stop thinking about him. I don't need to know why he's there, I just know that he's there and that's good enough.
Everyday is still hard. I still think about him and how we were before all of this, it kiss me even more that he never cared about me though. It was all an act. I'm constantly miserable and my only release is lunch with Blake and Jake.
Spencer's POV:
"Look I'm sorry I haven't been in ok. I've had some family problems."
"You should have called in."
"I'm sorry, things are better now anyway. I can be here again." I say and Mr Anderson sloughed slightly in his chair. "I'm transferring you to the office down stairs for a week, you've got a lot of work to do Spencer... spend the rest of the day in Office block B, but Monday you're in C."
I let out a large breath, thankful that he didn't sack me right there on the spot. I stand and he gestures for me to leave.
The elevator doors open and a thick English voice floats through them. "What can I say? the boss loves me, see you around ladies." a dark man earls out backwards and he turns around, bumping into me. "Oops sorry mate." he pats my chest and continues to walk. "watch where you're fucking going." he turns around, his eyes narrow and then he walks again.
I head to the coffee room, but when I walk past the lift I come face to face with Jennifer. "JJ?" she doesn't look up to meet my eyes, she just stays focused on what's ahead of her. "don't speak to me Spencer." her words hurt, but I understand why she's saying them.
She walks past me, the only contact being the breeze from how fast she tries to get away from me. Blake stays still, just outside of the lift. "Don't look at me like that." I say as a her brows furrow. "I thought you were actually going to have something Spencer. She loved you." i take Blake's words in and begin to chase JJ down the hall. She walks right past the offices and into the woman's toilets, there's not a chance I'm going in there.
I punch the wall behind me and Mr Anderson's office door opens. "Spencer?"
"I just uh- I tripped." I say as his eyes move to the cracked wall and my already bruising knuckles. He shakes his head and takes a coffee of the English man from before, then steps back inside his office.
My breathing stays heavy and I know that I can't wait here for JJ all day, I need to leave her to think.
I enter the office and Blake looks up. "Just give her time." she advises and I nod, I have no energy left to fight. She smiles and I take a seat at my desk to begin some work.
In about five minutes I've gone through two files, one of them multiple times because I can't concentrate on the work I've been set. I look up to check the time and find JJ stood at the opening with the English man. His hand is resting on her shoulder and the only words I can make out from there conversation is "bought you them drinks before." While I've been in LA trying to help my mother, she has been here fucking the new guy.
I watch her as she goes on her tiptoes to kiss the man on his cheek, they're definitely sleeping together. She's moved on so quickly and I'm just left on my own.
She makes her way through the office, but my eyes are no longer focused on her. They're fixed on the English man blushing and smiling while stroking his god damned cheek.
My eyes scan the room for JJ, she's stood by her desk talking to Blake, both of them enveloped in the dickhead that clearly fancies JJ. Blake says something and JJ laughs, not affected at all by the fact that I'm staring at her. Her smile stays the whole walk from her desk and out of the door. A few minutes later, the dickhead takes her place.
What?
***
At the end of the day I don't even bother hanging around. Too many feelings are pulled up inside of my head and I need to let them out. Maybe I'll go to the club in town and meet a random girl to spend the night with?
The idea spins in my head. If this was me a month ago, I already would have. what's stopping me now?
I take the stairs this time, one set at a time right to the bottom. She loved me. The voice plays on repeat in my head a constant reminder of what I've lost. I reach the bottom and walk straight out of the glass doors. I need fresh air, because If I don't, I might just collapse.
It doesn't take me long to get home and when I do I trash the apartment. She loved me, but found it so easy to just walk away. I punch the wall a few more times and throw a whole cabinet to the ground. I'm a dead end.
I allow myself to fall asleep on the ground again, the way I did the first time I let my feelings out in my apartment.
***
"Spence?... Spencer." my eyes focus on the blonde woman in front of me. "JJ?"
"There you are!" she smiles sweetly and caresses my cheek. "I thought we lost you for a minute then." I feel myself frowning. What's going on?
"I said thanks for the coffees." She looks down to my hands and I follow her eyes. There right in my fingers are two coffees, one milky and one black. I look again and she's still smiling. "Are you ok?" Her voice holds real concern and her eyes are full of worry. "uh- yeah, yeah." I finally speak again and place the drinks down on the unfamiliar counter top.
"Where are we?" I ask and she frowns. "Are you sure you're ok?" her arms wrap around my neck and she pulls me close, kissing me gently on the cheek. "I uh- I don't know?" I don't know, one minute I was curled up on my apartment floor, now I'm stood in a strange kitchen with JJ.
"Maybe we should ditch that movie and go to bed early?" she suggests and I nod slowly, still completely baffled by what's going on.
***
The alarm on my phone rings loudly, but I can't bring myself to wake up and turn it off. "Jayje, get that would you?" I ask, but there's no answer. The bed suddenly becomes rock solid and I shout for her again. "JJ!" My eyes shoot open and I find myself lay on the ground staring at the ceiling. JJ isn't here.
I roll over painfully and bring myself to sit up. The alarm sets it's self to snooze and I examine the area around me. I'm lay in a pile of books, all of them scattered around me beside the broken cabinet. Blood covers my hands and clothes and painful cuts and bruises are scattered over my knuckles.
It takes me a minute or two to stand and make my way to the bathroom. When I do I see myself in the mirror. My eyes are red with heavy bags dangling beneath them, my skin is pale and there's a smudge of blood across my forehead. My face and hair are sweaty and there's a tiny stubble appearing on my chin. I look terrible, but I'm emotionally deprived of enough energy to fully clean myself up. I wipe my hands down, wincing in pain every few minutes, then actually get into bed.