Fade in to some burnt looking plains
Andy: Hey, he's been explaining to me everything we should encounter. The legend's pretty old, but the details are pretty clear.
Tucker: Listen dude, I don't care what you say, I'm not killing any monsters.
Andy: Hey, don't interrupt! It's hard enough to translate without yo-
Tucker: Oh well if this little quest depends on me killing stuff, we might as well just stop here.
Andy: Eh, don't be a chicken.
Tucker: I'm not chicken. I'm just... okay, I'm chicken.
Ghost: You are absolutely pathetic.
Tucker: Why do you hate me so much.
Ghost: It's because you're so fucking annoying, being a chicken doesn't help with your own situation.
Trut'aik: Blarh? B-blar blarg.
Caption: <what is this chicken they speak of bomb>
Andy: Blargy blarg, blarg, blarg honk.
Caption: <It's an ugly white bird that they eat. They also eat the disgusting white thing that they crap out>
Trut'aik: Wharg hnnk!
Caption: <that is disgusting>
Tucker: What's he saying?
Andy: He wanted to know what a chicken is. I told him it's this nasty little bird that humans eat. And you also eat the white things that shoot out of its butt.
Tucker: You know you could have cleaned that up a little bit.
Andy: I did! They don't come out of its butt you know.
Trut'aik: Hargh!
Caption: <humans are disgusting>
Andy: Heh yeah, they're pretty disgusting.
Tucker: Chickens aren't that bad.
Andy: He was talkin' about you guys. He's not a big fan. I'm not either.
Trut'aik: Hrnk.
Caption: <Earth sucks>
Andy: Earth sucks.
Tucker: Hsh, Earth does not suck, Earth rules. We invented the telephone.
Trut'aik: Arg l largh.
Caption: <As did we. But invented it a thousand years before your race did.>
Andy: She says they invented the telephone too. And they did it a thousand years before you did.
Tucker: Oh, well what'd they have to say on it, "blarg blarg honk honk?" Who the fuck wants to hear that?
Ghost: All right I can't believe I'm gonna say this but: I really wish I was with my team!
Andy: Okay. These are the Great Burning Plains we talked about.
Caboose: They don't look burning... they look burnt. Hey, I recognize this place.
Ghost: Yeah this is a place where the bomb exploded and sent us in the "future"... I still don't know how that's possible.
Andy: Get ready. Trut'aik and Ghost are gonna distract the monster, and you use your heroic powers to swoop in-
Tucker: Heroic powers?
Andy: Yeah. You're the big hero from that prophecy, ain't cha?
Tucker: Oh right. Boy are you guys gonna be disappointed. (draws the sword)
Andy: And don't forget, go for the weak spot in the armor.
Tucker: Yeah, and where was that again?
Andy: We already went over this!
Tucker: Apparently paying attention to lame biology lesons isn't one of my superpowers.
Ghost: Oh my God, shut the fuck up for once in your goddamn life before I fucking rip out your goddamn throat and beat you with your own spine!
Tucker: O-ok.
Trut'aik: Blargh!
Caption: <Quiet>
Andy: Be quiet!
Trut'aik: Argh!!
Caption: <Down>
Andy: Get down!
Trut'aik: (quietly) Warg, warg arg. Warg, larg!
Caption: <Allow me a moment of silence before everything falls apart and we die.>
Andy: He just want a moment's peace before the plan fails and we all get killed.
Trut'aik: WHRRRRRRRRRRRG!
Caption: <DON'T SAY THAT OUTLOUD>
Andy: Oh, sorry... I wasn't supposed to translate that last part. Yuh, he says, yuh don't worry, everything will be fine. ...Stick to the plan.
Caboose: Okay. Are we adding "get killed" to the end of the plan?
Ghost: Just stay close to me kid.
Trut'aik: Wlarg!
Caption: <NOW!!>
Andy: Go!
Everyone jumps over the ridge... cliff... whatever
Trut'aik: Wurg!
Caption: <... Wait>
Andy: What happened?
Tucker: To what?
Andy: The big monster. It's dead, look!
Check it out, the skull of a cow
Tucker: That thing? You gotta be kidding me.
Andy: You guys were here already?
Caboose: Yes. Uh, before now.
Tucker: That's what already means, Caboose.
Caboose: Ohhh, then just yes.
Trut'aik: Whar, war.
Caption: <Then... You already slayed the beast>
Andy: You already killed the monster?
Tucker: Dude, that's a cow skull. I kill about ten of those things every time I eat lunch.
Ghost: I don't know what type of monster you're thinking of, but has a fucking cow. We eat those motherfuckers on daily basis. If you're looking for a real monster, fight the gravemind... it's a giant tentacle monster thing that controls all of the flood. It's dead now.
Tucker: You scare me even more now.... again, what's the flood?
Ghost: don't fucking worry about it.
Cut to Sarge spying on the Blues Simmons team
Donut: How's it going Sarge?
Sarge: Well, Simmons has had Grif prisoner in there for far too long. He's probably subjecting him to all manner of unbearable torture. I figure in just a matter of hours,
Grif's spirit will be as broken as his body, unable to cope with the never ending stimulation of pain and horror. ...But in answer to your question things are fine! Could be a little warmer, but I can't complain.
Donut: But Sarge, aren't you afraid he'll give away valuable information?
Sarge: Why would Simmons give Grif information?
Donut: No, I mean what if Grif tells Simmons valuable information about our operations.
Sarge: ...
Donut: Yeah, that sounded smarter before I said it.
Sarge: I bet.
Donut: Speaking of operations though, remember how I told you I wanted to incorporate more positive reinforcement techniques in review sessions?
Sarge: Donut, for the last time, me calling you a worthless turd is not a review session!
Donut: And remember how you said any proposals had to be submitted in hand-written triplicate, with no less than one hundred pages?
Sarge: Yes, which would take weeks. ...You're finished, aren't you.
Donut: Only if calligraphy's okay, and I dotted all the I's, with hearts. Heeheehee! Heeehee!
Sarge: Ghuh... where Ghost when you need him?
Donut: Let me just give you a little teaser on some of the changes. Think "mauve"...
Sarge: Aw, Donut!
Donut: What, you don't like it? Mauve is a form of red.
Sarge: Noh, it's not that. I just realized that my only way out of this situation, is to launch a rescue mission to save Grif! I've got me one of them... uh, Donut, what's a fancy word for choosin' between two things you don't wanna do?
Donut: Uh, conundrum? ...Dilemma. ...A threesome with cheerleaders?
Sarge: I'm gonna go with conundrum.