Fade in to the building the Blues are in
Tucker: Church! Chuu-urch, hey Church!
Church: I'm right behind you dumbass.
Tucker: Oh. Hey Church, do you have a knife?
Church: No. That's a weapon dude, ask Tex or Ghost.
Tucker: She said they had something to take care of. I think they're having a private conversation.
Cuts to Ghost and Tex 10 minutes earlier
Ghost and Tex were walking down the hallway inside the fortress
Ghost: So we're alone now, mind telling me why you said I'm yours and why you've been whispering a lot... also what the fuck is this about a shrine!
Tex: Don't worry about any of that.
Ghost: I will worry because something is wrong. what haven't you been telling me Tex!
Tex: Ghost it, it's nothing...
Ghost: Tex, not too long ago you stuttered for the first time, ever, you have never stuttered in your life, tell me what's wrong.
Tex: No.
Ghost: And why won't you tell me?
Tex: because...
Ghost: Tex, I know who you are, I know what you are, I know who you were made to be, but I will never hate you not until the day I die... hell, it's worth the reasons I helped you in the past.
Tex: you, you won't!?
Ghost: Of course... remember Carolina.
Tex: I can't forget her.
Ghost: Yeah, you know how we were dating.
Tex: of course I do...
Ghost: I know it's probably not the best comparison right now, but that's why I'm saying. When you care about someone, you do whatever you can for that person... Even if they don't approve of it... Why do you think I put my life on the line for you, and all the others?
Tex: ...
Ghost: honestly, I don't give a shit about the reason why you were created. I don't care if you are the A.I. version of Carolina's mother. I love the both of you with all my heart. Hell, I loved the others too... South, Connie. So no I won't leave you, I won't leave anyone and I don't care if somethings up, I don't care if somethings wrong, I will always be there for you... all of you.
Tex: you, you love me...
Ghost: Of course I do, you may be an A.I., But you're your own person. You're not the same person that you were made after, you never will be. It's impossible to be an exact copy of someone because they will always turn out different. You may be an A.I., But none of that matters.
After Ghost finished that sentence Tex hugs Ghost not wanting to let go
Tex: I'm sorry about Carolina... that day.
Ghost: That's not your fault.
Tex: but-
Ghost: Tex, it's not your fault. It was Maine's And I won't stop until he's dead.
Tex: ... Don't leave me, please.
Ghost: I won't... You know I would take off your helmet and kiss you but...
Tex: I know, you would be kissing a robot.
Ghost: With you "soul".
Tex: Ha ha yeah.
Ghost: Come on, let's go back to the others.
Tex: You go ahead. I need to talk to a very annoying bomb.
Ghost: Don't lose your cool, OK.
Tex: I won't, I love you.
Ghost: I love you too.
Tex and Ghost put their helmets together before separating
Valkyrie: Oh that's so sweet.
Ophelia: Yeah I had a feeling she was in love with ghost, but I wasn't sure.
Tex: the two of you are really annoying sometimes
Valkyrie: Deal with it, he's our Ghost not yours so if you want him you'll have to fight us for him
Ghost: please don't start fighting.
Ophelia: we can't help it. We have been with you for years. if she wants to with you, she'll have to earn it!
Tex: wait, don't tell me.
Valkyrie: yep, even though it's not an intimate relationship... Because we are A.I.'s... we still love ghost. We would do anything for him.
Ghost: well, we have been through a lot.
Valkyrie: We sure have.
Ghost: for now, I say we keep this a secret. we don't want everyone else saying something.
Tex, Valkyrie, and Ophelia: You got it.
Tex: You know, you have to tell everyone about your A.I.'s soon, right.
Ghost: I know but I won't do it just quite yet. Have fun with the bomb.
Tex: I'm not going to enjoy this at all.
And With that, they went their separate ways
Cuts to church and Tucker with Ghost walking up to them
Church: Huh? Do you know what they're talking about?
Tucker: Hai don't know, I stopped asking questions at 'private conversation'.
Ghost: What're you two guys doin'?
Tucker: Hey Ghost. We're gonna teach the Alien how to speak English.
Church: How're you gonna do that?
Tucker: People learn English all the time, it aren't that hard.
Church: Maybe you should try learning his language.
Tucker: Fuck that, we got here first, and that makes this a colony. Those're the rules, dude. Earth colony, Earth language.
Ghost: Tucker there's thousands of languages spoken on Earth.
Tucker: Hyeah, but only one that kicks ass. And that's the one we're teaching. English 101, remedial kick-ass.
Church: Alright, there is no way this is gonna work.
Tucker: Yeah it is, we got visual aids and everything.
Ghost: Where the hell'd you get those?
Tucker: We made 'em. Turns out Caboose's gun didn't have any bullets- it was loaded with crayons. I just need to cut one of these things, you have a pocket knife?
Ghost: Wait, why was his gun filled with crayons!?
Tucker: I don't know.
Church: Hey if you need to cut something, why don't you just use that big sword o' yours?
Tucker: Oh right. Duh.
Tucker draws the sword, though not with one of Caboose's crayons
Trut'aik: Whargh? (sees Tucker holding the sword) RHURRRRRRRGH!
Caption: <What? (sees Tucker holding the sword) HE TOOK THE SWORD!!>
Trut'aik jumps Tucker and beats the ever living shit out of him, and some shit that was never alive, and just keeps hitting him until further notice
Tucker: Ahh, what the fuck!?
Church: Whoa! Mahan, Tucker, that thing either really hates that sword, or really hates you.
Ghost: What is the sword meant for? It has to be important if Trut'aik is beating up Tucker for it.
Church: don't know, don't care. This is fun as hell.
They watch as Trut'aik beat the ever living shit out of Tucker... still
Tucker: Aaaaaaaah, get this fucking thing off me!
Church: Heh wait a second Tucker, this might be a good chance for us to evaluate how these things fight.
Tucker: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
Church: Now hold still. For science.
Tucker: Not the face, not the face!
Ghost: Oh this is too good.
Cut to Blue Base back in the Gulch, to the sound of the radio tuning in to something
Simmons: Sarge, can you hear me, Sarge, come in. Sarge, Sarge do you read me, this is Simmons, come in.
Donut: Hello, Red Army HQ. We don't stop until every blue is dead.
Simmons: Donut, let me talk to Sarge.
Donut: For help in English, press or say 1.
Simmons: One.
Donut: Para Español, marque número dos.
Simmons: One. Wuuunnnnah. Wu- God dammit. (presses one on the keypad)
Donut: For unconfirmed Dutch-Irish, press one two too, as in also.
Simmons: Donut!
Donut: Oh, hey Simmons, what's up?
Simmons: Donut, put Sarge on.
Donut: Oooh, yeah, Sarge is reeeally busy. Things have really picked up since you left, uhh...
Sarge: Donut, I'm not here.
Donut: Leh, luh, let me see, do you mind if I put you on hold?
Sarge: Just take a message.
Simmons: Donut stop screening my calls!
Donut: Sorry Simmons, Sarge isn't available at the moment. I'll tell you what I can ask him to call you back but, it's really better if you have an appointment.
Simmons: Oh for the love of God I can hear him, Donut. Would you just tell him that I've captured the Blue Base and- ...and taken possession of their tank.
Donut: Right right, Simmons...
Sarge: Tell him you've got call waiting.
Donut: Blue-
Sarge: No no-
Donut: Base-
Sarge: You're going through a tunnel!
Donut: Taaaaaaaaaaank. Tank.
Simmons: Are you really writing this down?
Donut: Look I have to go, we have a conference call with Grif in five minutes. He's pitching ideas for how to use your rations. Gotta run! If anything comes up, we'll call you. And Simmons?
Simmons: What...
Donut: This job is the best! I can't believe you quit! (turns off the radio)
Simmons: ... ... ... That's it, I'm gonna kill 'em all. Hey Sheila, lock and load! We got somewhere to go!
Cut back to the Blues' building, with the Alien still beating Tucker in the back of the head on the ground
Tucker: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Tex: Alright bomb, we need to talk.
Andy: Heh hehhh heh heh heh, talk about what, Butch? Workin' on cars, and pickin' up chicks?
Tex: Excuse me, is that any way to talk to a lady?
Andy: A lady, who're you kiddin'? I bet you got more balls than a roman candle.
Tex: Uhhh, I knew this was a bad idea.
Andy: Hey Tex, why you got black armor, couldn't find any in flannel?
Tex: Listen jackass-
Andy: Flannel!
Tex: I put you together, I can take you apart.
Andy: Hey whaddaya mean?
Tex: Bombs, come with remote detonators dumbass. And any time I want, I can just hit a button and you're just a memory. A very annoying, very insulting memory, but none-the-less, a memory.
Andy: I think you're bluffin'. ...Dike.
Tex: Okay, strike two.
Andy: Alright. Whaddaya want?
Tex: Well, when I built you, I used parts from an old protocol robot.
Andy: Yeah, sure, and you also used parts from some of your more personal devices.
Tex: Whoa- okay, can you use those protocol parts and translate what this alien thing is saying?
Andy: Of course! But what's in it for me? Also why not ask Ghost, he can speak alien pretty well?
Tex: I want another one but Let's put it this way. You don't push my buttons, and I, don't push yours.
Andy: Alright, fine. But I'm not translating any of that touchy-feely crap!
Tex: Deal. Come on. (starts walking, then turns around) Well are you coming?
Andy: What'm I gonna do, roll there? Pick me up ya dumb bitch!
Tex: Great, I can tell this is starting off well.
Andy: Hey, Tex. I bet you haven't had your hands on a ball this big since your morning scratch! Ahahahahaheh, ahehahe-
Tex drops Andy with a resounding thud
Andy: Heyy, aw come on, Tex, baby, where ya goin', it's just a joke between the two of us guys, come on! Laugh it off big guy, laugh it off! Haha, hey Tex, when you walk away I can see where ya tucked it! Haha!