Shayba's P.O.V.
He left me.
Abir really left me.
At our wedding stage.
The thought took several minutes to proceed in my head. Everyone from both of our families and friends and colleagues is here and all of them just witnessed how the groom abandoned me on the freaking wedding stage!
I was still standing, I felt like I would faint. Is this really happening with me? Someone please tell me it's a dream. Annaba was the first person to catch my hold before my knees could break down. I don't have a single ounce of energy left in me now. There is a lot of chaos going around me but I couldn't even hear what they are saying.
Abir's mom was there standing in the middle of the hall, constantly calling someone, maybe his son, but he most probably didn't pick up. She looked utmost frustrated too, but obviously not as bad as me.
Next, I didn't know what was happening. All I remember is that I was pulled down from the stage by my mom as she made me stand before Abir's mom and shouted whatever that came to her mouth. She humiliated her, pulled the ring out of my finger and threw it at her. I saw his mom pleading and trying to tell me how she had no idea at all about her son's behavior and then again my mom screaming. Then my brother guarded me to our car, let me in, my family got in too and we headed to our home. This is not happening. It's all just a dream and I am going to wake up from it very soon. Abir can't abandon me on our wedding stage, he can't. He was looking forward to our marriage even more than me. It can't be true!
But the nightmare never ended. I reached home, my sister and cousins were there to help me get out of my wedding attire. I don't know when my eyes got clouded and tears started rolling down my cheeks. Annaba hugged me tight and I let out everything that was clouded inside my chest choking me up. It can't be. It doesn't feel right at all. I need to call him. Right now. He definitely owes me an explanation. Who is the person he left me for? I obviously have the rights to know.
I brushed up the tears and took up my phone and called him. But he seemed out of network. Is his phone switched off? I never felt so hopeless and rejected before. I went inside my washroom and cried. Then I performed ablution, fell in sujood and cried again. I was at the first stage of grief. Denial. It can't be. Abir can't do that to me.
Abir's mom called my mom when she was standing beside me. I heard mom shouting in anger, "What sorry?! What kind of behavior is this?! If you didn't want this relation from the beginning, you could have just told us! Why would you embarrass us in this manner?!......." and she went on and on. She screamed at the phone and blurted out everything that came to her mouth. If this happened anytime except now, I would have stopped her. But now? I don't even have the urge to. I feel numb.
My head started to ache as I forced everyone except Annaba out of the room. I just can't handle human beings right now. And for some weird reasons, those tears never seem to stop. I sat by the window trying to think again where everything went wrong, but couldn't find one single loophole where I could blame myself. Where did I fail him? He knows how I am. He most definitely does not have any problems with my perspective or religious views. Then why would he humiliate me in the nastiest way possible? My eyes didn't stop flooding with tears for the whole night. Annaba also stayed awake with me, sitting in another corner of the room leaving me to grieve alone as she knows I wouldn't like company right now. She cried too.
Sleep was long gone. I replayed the video in my head again and again. How everything was going on. How he rushed to me to utter some words I never even once in my dream thought of hearing.
"Annanba?"
"Hmm?"
"The guests couldn't eat, could they?"
"Sis, stop thinking about that!"
"They came and left without eating." I sniffed. How can I stop thinking about that? It's my own marriage that broke. I spoke again ater a while.
"My classmates would be happy at least."I sneered as I recalled how vicious they became when I broke the news.
"Ignore them. Ignore what they may think. They never wished wellness for you anyway."
I kept quiet.
Then after few minutes I asked again, "When you girls went to meet Abir, did he seem unhappy or sad or worried?"
She kept quiet for some moments. "He did."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I think so. He is always so jovial and full of energy and fun. But he wasn't at that time. I thought he was nervous like you too. I thought it was wedding jitters. I couldn't understand sis! I really couldn't! I'm so sorry!" she broke down in tears. Why is she feeling guilty for no reason? It's not her fault.
I sighed and said nothing. Whose fault is it then? Why did this wedding break? Maybe he has a past? Maybe he loved someone and all of a sudden she came back. Maybe that's why he called me last night. Was he hoping me to say NO? So that he could call off the marriage? Yes. Yes this makes sense, he definitely was expecting me to say no. Why else would a groom ask his bride this question a night before their wedding?
Again, tears slipped from my eyes. Annaba wiped them off trying to console me. But no comforting words were enough for me. I need him. I want to see him. Even if he wants to call off the marriage, I want an explanation directly from him. He has to tell me the exact reasons. How could he do that to me?! For the first time in my life I wanted to look beautiful for someone else and that person left me at the last moment at the wedding stage.
When I heard the azan of Fazar, I got up from my position. In this meantime, I have tried calling Abir a hundred times but he was out of reach. And at last I ended up deciding to leave him a text. But I couldn't write properly. I have so much grudge against him I can't even utter. I have so many things to ask him but I couldn't write anything perfectly. My mind is totally messed up. After writing an extremely long message, I erased everything and at last only wrote, "Why Abir?" Then I threw my phone and went to the washroom to perform ablution.
While looking at the washroom mirror, I still couldn't believe this happened to me. I was supposed to be married by now. What I was doing yesterday, all dolled up for one person, thinking about him constantly, thinking what I would first say to him after our marriage, wondering what sort of funny flirting remarks he would utter, and wondering if I would blush hearing him. All the guests were there. They saw what happened. Some of them laughed as if it was a drama show. How am I going to show my face to them again?
I looked at my hands intricately designed with henna. My hand felt empty for the ring I was wearing all these days. The ring my mom threw at his mom's face. The ring that reminded me of him. The ring that made me feel like I belonged to that person already. I hid my face with my palm and my cheeks were flooded again with hot tears.
Allah told me to stay away from Haram relationship, yet I got mentally attached to that guy. This is my fault, isn't it? But how can it be? I stayed away from him as much as I could. I wore hijab and niqab to hide my beauty as much as possible. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? Why exactly did Abir fail to see through my heart? I thought he understood me well. Did he think I wasn't willing enough for this marriage? My chest wrang for the blood it shed inside. The bleeding no one could see.
I splashed water to my face and cooled down. The most horrible thing has happened to me. I have been humiliated in front of everyone in the worst way possible. I don't know what to do now. I don't think I will ever have that trust in guys to agree to get married again. I can't do this. I wish I could run away from everything right now so that I don't have to encounter anyone anymore. I wish I could die!
I prayed salat and sat in the balcony. Annaba brought a cup of raw tea for me and I took it. Now what?
As daylight approached, I shrunk in my bed. My family came to my room to see how I was doing. They kept saying condoling words to soothe my pain but I kept quiet. These words never work at all, still they try. I sighed and turned around to the window as nothing seemed to reach my ears. I am a girl whose marriage broke. That is the fact. No soothing words can change the fact.
"Don't worry, my baby girl. Mom will find a nice guy for you this time. Don't even think of that scoundrel anymore. You deserve so much better! We will prove that to him. What does he think of himself?! And his mom is a pure evil too. I guarantee she is behind all these plans!...." mom continued blabbering, so I shouted at one point, "Mom, will you shut it?!"
She got startled and started crying, "I am telling you, sweetheart, we will surely find a nice guy for you, don't worry at all! I can't see this look on your face, my poor child!"
"Mom, can you please leave me alone?!" The last thing I want in the world right now is sympathy.
She understood my mood this time and left with my father and brother. This is just the beginning. What would I do when I go to my class? How will I show my face? What will I tell my friends? And what if I have to see that face again? I won't be able to tolerate him. I may murder him if I see his 'happily married to someone else' face once.
My relatives started to come from noon and those who couldn't come cared enough to video call me to uplift my mood, push motivational talks into my brain to get my heart over that scoundrel, bastard and some more names they called Abir that I can't even utter. I choked back my tears and tried my best not to cry and break down in front of them. Why does it still hurt to see him humiliated by my whole family like this? I wish I could hate him enough to support their words now, I wish this never happened at all, I wish they never knew Abir at all, I wish...oh there are so many things I wish for right now!
I spent 3 horrifying days sobbing and fighting back tears and then being infuriated and throwing my phone on the wall and then again trying to get my heart over him and falling in sujood. He was still out of reach, as I heard from Annaba, I never called him back again. I focused on studying and designing instead only to stay away from people. My friends contacted me but I only talked to Nadia and said I was doing fine. I don't even want to think about how other girls are celebrating right now, but I wish I could chain my mind in some shackles and restrictions not to wonder about those topics.
I badly need some warmth. I wish someone was there to squeeze me in a tight hug and say everything is okay. My family is trying to support me with terrible condolences like how they are going to find someone perfect for me but this is definitely not what I want. I needed space. I needed time. I needed someone just listening to me, let me cry my heart out, hug me tight and give me a shoulder to lean on. How badly I wished it was Abir.
My mood changed on the fourth day as I was boosted with my self-motivation.
I am done with crying. I am not going to make myself look a pitiful pathetic creature anymore.
I said to myself looking at the mirror. Abir's chapter is finished in my life. I am not going to ponder about him anymore. Yes, people will talk about me. Yes, they will laugh at my situation. But this is not the end of my life, right?
I came out of the washroom wiping off my face with a towel and suddenly Annaba ran to me, "Sis!"
"What?"
"Abir Bhaiya is waiting downstairs!"
WHAT?!