"l don't quite know how to say how l feel."
Chasing Cars ~ Sleeping At Last (cover).
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We pull away from the kiss and rest our foreheads against each other, both breathless from it.
Before l could even open my eyes, once again, he shortens the distances between our lips until there's none.
This time it's not just a simple kiss, it's not something l could describe either.
It's almost as if all of the thousands of unspoken words and feelings buried deep inside both of us come spilling out in the form of a kiss.
Anger, agony, sadness, joy, anxitey, fear, distress, all revealed without saying a single word.
Jesus christ now l sound like one of those naïve girls in the clichè love stories we all read about.
The adrenaline pumping through my veins makes it a feel like a weird mixture of excitement and fear.
Excited to see what happens next and craving more of him but scared of the same reasons.
As we continue kissing his hand travels up and grips the side of my face while the other one let's go of the crutches and rests on the small of my back.
The crutches hit the floor with a loud thud and l chuckle against his lips, wondering how he's managing to kiss me and stand on one leg at the same time. I don't know why that's funny to me, maybe it's just the mix of emotions coming out in the form of a nervous laugh.
His lips curve into a smile as he pulls away from the kiss and asks "what are you laughing at?"
"you're standing on one leg and making out with me at the same time." l chuckle and point at his leg.
He laughs and looks down at his leg before looking back up at me "why is that funny to you?"
"l don't know." l laugh and cover my face with my hands in embarrassment.
He chuckles and pulls my hands away from my face as l continue laughing, causing him to start laughing too and drop back down on his bed.
I lose my balance and fall straight on my butt, causing the both of us to laugh even further.
He lays on his bed, his face growing red from laughing so much yet he doesn't stop "why is that so funny to you?"
"l don't know, my ass hurts though." l say in between laughs, causing him to laugh even harder, harder than I've ever seen him laugh before.
A few tears roll down my cheeks in the process, not only from laughing too much but also from feeling so many emotions at once that can't be put into words so they choose to come out in the form of tears.
"what are you laughing at?" l ask in between laughs
"you laughing and falling straight on your ass." he laughs "you're impossible laynie."
"and you're an idiot." l sit up straight, sobering up from the laughing fit as he does the same.
"you're crying." l point out, noticing the tears in his eyes
"so are you."
"l know." l chuckle and wipe my tears away.
Once we both sober up from the laughing fit he reaches his hand out for me, l take it and pull myself upwards.
"Did you really just start randomly laughing at something that's not even funny in the middle our moment?" he looks at me in disbelief as l take a seat next to him.
Our moment.
I don't know why but something about hearing that come out of his mouth is so satisfying to me.
"Yes, apparently l did." l chuckle lightly
He shakes his head and stares off into nothing for a moment, as if gathering up his own thoughts before turning to me and saying "you know that's actually the first time I've laughed that hard since everything that happened, and over what? You laughing."
I look into his eyes, searching for any kind of emotion that l could read "Is that a good thing?"
He chuckles in disbelief "Good? It's been over seven years since I've laughed like that laynie, no one was able to make me laugh like that for over seven years and you somehow managed to do it without even trying."
I smile in realization "Well, I'm happy to take you out of this cruel world even if it's for a split second by making you laugh your ass off."
He pulls me into his chest and l wrap my arms around him in response, inhaling the strong smell of his cologne once again.
"l don't know if l can really say l love you at this point because I'm sure we both have a lot to learn about each other and l don't fully know you just yet so l guess l like you will do for now and l want you to know that I like you ryder." l mumble, burying my face in the crook of his neck.
He pulls away from the hug and gives me a small kiss on the cheek.
I smile and blush in response "I'll consider that your way of saying l like you as well."
He smiles in agreement, as if he can't find a way to put his feelings into words like most people do so instead he puts them into actions and that's what's so fascinating about him, he's different and you can never really expect a certain reaction to come from him.
It's like he's a walking surprise, you never know what to expect. It's exciting, fascinating, annoying, and terrifying all at once, but that's what makes it so special.
While that can get really annoying after a while, who said it was all going to be sunshine and rainbows? I'm willing to give whatever we have going on all l have, perhaps this time it'll work out.
I realize that for the first time, l didn't think 'it's going to hurt when he leaves' but instead l thought 'I'm willing to give it all l have' for once.
God he's really doing something to me.
Is this what it feels like to like someone? Because l sure am enjoying it.
There's really no way to say this without being clichè but he genuinely makes me feel like a better person, l know I've blamed him for most of the problems going on at the moment but as the time passes and we get closer l continue to get more reasons why it's not and never was his fault. He was just an innocent child that got caught up in a huge mess that l doubt he even understands fully till now.
"what are you thinking about?" he asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
Then a sudden thought pops up, l never asked him, what information do l have that is so important that they almost killed him for it?
"l never asked you, what information do they want from me?" l ask
His smile fades into a blank expression almost immediately, as if he crashed back into reality "well, apparently, you were close friends with a really important one of theirs before and and they don't want us to find out whatever information you have about him so we could take him down."
Close friends? I've never been friends with anyone before eli and alex. Oh wait.. Maybe l have...
"what's their name? The person l was friends with?" l ask
"He goes by the nickname Ash but his real name is..." he stops to think for a moment then remembers "Devin Michaels."
Devin Michaels.
It's funny how a single name can bring back memories you didn't even know existed in your mind.
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I hope you guys liked this one!
(also the quote on top is written by yo gurl hehe)
What do you guys think of laynie and ryder's relationship so far?
Ps if l write a sequel to this book, would you guys be interested in reading it? Please let me know in the comments so l know what to do next.
Thank you guys so much for still reading my work! I love you all.
Lots of love to all you beautiful souls, your irresponsible author, Sera xxx 🖤 🖤 🖤