Fix You ~ Coldplay
° ° ° °
We all watched Frozen ll in the living room before deciding that it was time to go to bed.
That was nearly three hours ago, I haven't been able to sleep since.
Normally I sleep rather fast, but today the voices are overwhelmingly loud.
I grab my phone from my nightstand and turn on my sleep playlist maybe that'll help.
° ° ° °
I slowly open my eyes only to be blinded by the sunlight shining through my window, God how I hate the way the sun shines every morning.
I blow out a sigh and get up to close the curtains before crashing back into bed.
I check the digital clock on my wall, 8:46 am.
After a few minutes of battling my mind about how I have to get up because Ryder can be here any second, I finally manage to pull myself out of bed.
I stumble into the bathroom and shut the door before looking at myself in the mirror.
My hair is a mess, my eyes are red and swollen from crying myself to sleep last night, my clothes are all wrinkled and I practically look like something out of The Walking Dead.
This isn't the Laynie I knew, the girl standing in front of me right now is unrecognizable to me and I fucking hate it.
I look away from the mirror and start washing my face.
Once I'm done, I dry it with a fresh towel, brush my teeth, put some deodorant on and change out of my pajamas.
I pull out a fresh pair of underwear and a hoodie, black jeans and quickly change into them before brushing through my hair.
I haven't taken a proper shower in days now, as disgusting as it is, I can't seem to find it in me to stand for long or see my naked body, saying that I hate it would be an understatement.
Walking out of the bathroom, I grab my phone from my nightstand and check it.
From Alex:
Hey, are you okay? You haven't been active lately and you didn't seem fine when you left my house.
Yesterday at 7:36 pm
From Alex:
I'm starting to get worried, I called you multiple times but it went straight to voicemail. Text me back when you get this.
Today at 6:54 am
I ignore his texts and slip my phone into the pocket of my jeans before pulling on a pair of white socks and my black Doc Martins.
I place my suitcase next to the front door and sigh before pulling on my usual fake smile and walking into the living room.
"Good morning guys." I mumble as I walk in.
Everyone says it back and Ace just waves in response.
"Laynie!" Hunter immediately jumps in my arms.
"Hey buddy!" I chuckle and bend down to hug him before standing back up.
"You're leaving now?" he pouts.
"No, not yet. Don't worry bud." I smile.
"But you're still leaving soon." his chocolate brown eyes meet mine and I immediately feel guilty despite having no control over this situation whatsoever.
"You can call me anytime when you need me, okay?"
"Okay." he mutters and I wrap his small figure into a hug.
"Now come on, why don't you show me what you and Aella were playing?"
The mention of play cheers him up and he grabs my hand leading me to the back yard "This way!"
"So we're playing house, the back yard is our house." he walks over to where the lawnmower is "This is the kitchen."
Then he proceeds to show me their bathroom and bedrooms.
"Do you wanna play with us?" they both ask in unison.
"I would love to!" I sit down on the grass alongside them.
"Okay so I'm the mommy, she's the baby," Aella points at a doll laying on the ground "And hunter's the daddy."
"No. I can't be the daddy." Hunter tells Aella.
I lightly chuckle at his words, excepting his reason being he wants to be the mom so he could handle the doll. He always liked to play with dolls along with his other toys.
"You're the only boy here, why not?" she asks.
"I don't know how to be the daddy, I never had one." Hunter shrugs.
Oh.
His words hit me harder than I thought they could and I fight the urge to say something about it, I'm not sure anything I could say could really help that.
Aella and Hunter start arguing on who plays the father before I decide step in "Alright easy there you two, I'll be the dad."
Aella laughs "But you're a girl."
"Says who?" I take a strand of my hair and put it over my mouth pretending it's a mustache.
They both giggle and Aella exclaims "Okay you're the daddy! I'm the mommy, she's the baby and hunter is the big brother, like Ace!"
"Okay, I'll be the big brother." Hunter agrees and they start playing.
"You're the daddy, you'll be coming home from work and I'll give you dinner." Aella instructs.
"Will do." I stand up and walk out of the back yard before walking back in and saying "That was a long day at work!" in a fake male's voice.
Aella holds in a giggle and walks over to me with a tiny plate of plastic food "Thank you honey! Here's your plate." she exclaims.
"For what?" I ask.
"That's what my mommy says to my daddy when he comes home from work." she shrugs, handing me the plastic plate.
Wow, I don't recall my parents ever being nice to each other when they were together.
I brush away the thoughts and pretend to take a bite out of the plastic egg "Yum, that's delicious!"
"Now you're supposed to start tickling Hunter and me, daddy always tickles mommy and I when he gets home, Ace always says he doesn't want it but joins in either way." she mentions.
"Is that so?" I start tickling her and Hunter and they both erupt in little fits of giggles.
"No stop stop-!" Aella says between laughs.
"Did you guys hear that?" I stop and pretend to listen for a sound.
"What?" they both ask in unison.
"It's the sound of more tickles coming!" I continue tickling them and they both fall onto the ground from laughing.
"Hey uhh, sorry to interrupt." I stop and turn around to see Ace standing in the door way.
Aella and Hunter continue laughing as I stand up "Ace, what's up?"
"I just wanted to let you know that Ryd-... someone's here to pick you up." he points to the direction of the front door.
My stomach turns as I realize that I have to go.
I look at Aella and Hunter laughing and tickling each other, why do i always have to be the one to ruin their happiness?
Hunter stops once he notices that I stood up "Where are you going?"
"It's time for me to go bud." I give him an apologetic smile.
"But we didn't finish playing?" he stands up along with Aella.
"I'm sorry, I'll see you soon okay? Remember that." I bend down and hug him.
"I'm gonna miss you." he sniffles.
"Me too buddy, but I'll be back before you know it, I promise." I smile and wipe his tears away.
He nods and kisses my cheek.
I kiss him back in response, wondering when I'll get to see him again.
"Now go on, continue playing. Take care of the baby with Aella and you can tell me all about it when I get back."
I pat his back as Eella comes up to me and hugs me as far as her little figure can reach, which isn't further than my waist "I'm gonna miss you."
"I'm gonna miss you too Aella. But you have fun alright? Ace will take care of you."
She smiles and nods.
I pat her head and watch her continue playing with Hunter but I can tell that Hunter is visibly sad which breaks my heart.
I look away and follow Ace into the living room where I say goodbye to everyone before heading for the door.
"Take care of Hunter and Aella while I'm gone will you?"
"Of course." he replies.
"Thanks Ace." I smile.
He nods in response.
I grab the handle of my suitcase and reach for the door.
"If you need anything, call me." he hands me a folded piece of paper.
"Yeah.. I will." I stuff it into my pocket and shoot him one last smile before taking my suitcase and stepping out of the door.
I walk up to the shiny black car waiting for me that I recognize as a Chevrolet Tahoe.
A man dressed in a black suit takes my suitcase from me before placing it in the truck.
I open the back seat and step inside only to be greeted by Ryder dressed in a black suit as well.
I don't say anything as I shut the door and lean against it, avoiding being any closer to him than I already am. Both physically and emotionally.
The guy closes the trunk and settles into the passenger seat as the driver starts driving away.
"We're gonna pick up Alex first, then Eli." Ryder speaks.
I nod in acknowledgement.
The car starts to move but my eyes are still glued on the house I once called my home as I watch it grow smaller and smaller in the distance, soon becoming invisible.
I look behind me to find yet another row of seats "Can I sit back there?" I ask Ryder.
"Uhh, sure..." he mutters.
Ryder pushes the back of the seat down and I climb back, allowing him to push it upwards when I'm settled down.
I strap on the seat belt, pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them in a failed attempt to find comfort.
Almost a minute later Ryder turns around to face me and whispers "I know you hate me for everything I've done to you, but this is for your own good."
I lift my head up to look at him "Bold of you to expect me to believe that. We all know you don't give a single shit about me or my safety so where ever you're taking me and whatever mess you've landed me in, it's for your own good. Not mine."
"We'll talk about this when we arrive there." he whispers and turns back around.
I hate him so much right now. So fucking much. I know he's somehow the reason I'm in this mess and I hate him with passion for it.