Air: I cant breathe, I Can't Breathe, I cANt brEATHe, I CAN'T BREATHE, I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!!!
Rainkeeper: Scientifically speaking, if you can say the words "I can't breathe" you must be able to breathe. You can't speak if you can't breathe.
Air: I CANNOT BREATHE!!!!!!
Seashell: Nightflyer, explain
Nightflyer: Oh, she met Misha Collins
Joy: WHAT!
Air: *screaming*
Air: HE SIGNED MY BOOK WITH A HEART AND WINKED AT ME!!!!
Air: YES HE IS THAT BEAUTIFUL, EVEN MORE IN PERSON, HIS EYES ARE SO FUCKING BLUE AND THE. SEX. HAIR. IS. REAL.
Air: MY LIFE IS COMPLETE, OF MY FUCKING GOD, LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL SPECIMEN.
Air: I- I- *hyperventilating*
Nightflyer: Maybe you should lie down
Air: I NEED TO LIE DOWN. *Faceplants on the floor*
Joy:.....So, if we destroy that autograph while she sleeps, do you think she'll be-
Air: *fuckin TELEPORTS to Joy, grabs her by the throat and slams her against the wall hard enough to break stone*
Joy: *squeaks* mad?
Kelp: *squeak of fear*
Air: You fuck with my Misha autograph of love, I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING SPINE OUT THROUGH YOUR THROAT.
Rainkeeper: Is that even possible-
Air: I WILL MAKE IT POSSIBLE.
Nightflyer: Air look! *holds up Misha picture*
Air: *fangirl screams, drops Joy, and starts skipping around happily*
Joy: I didn't need your help with that
Nightflyer: Yes you did.
*players appear*
Air: *screams*
Players: *screams louder*
Qibli: I'M INNOCENT, I SWEAR!
Moon: AAAHHHHH, IT WAS ALL WINTER'S IDEA!
Winter: How DARE you.
Moon:.....I don't dare to o anything, I'm always forced to y this dumb game!!!
Rainkeeper: Rude.
Seashell: We don't call you dumb.
Joy: To your face.
Carnelian: What are we doing?
Air: Slowly dying.
Turtle: Well-
Nightflyer: Everybody take a deep breath.
Players: *inhales*
Nightflyer: Yesssss, fill your lungs with the stuff that will slowly oxidize your blood and kill you...
Joy:....WHY ARE YOU NOT IN MY SQUAD?
Nightflyer: Because you have Kelp, and my loyalty is to the Air Force.
Air: Even though....It's kinda dead....
Rainkeeper: Like all our books....
Kelp: EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE!
Seashell: So anyway, we need you guys to be a family.
Players:.....
Kinkajou: Aren't we already a kind of family.... *reaches for group hug*
Winter: *jumps back* Oh hell no.
Carnelian: Fat chance!
Umber: *slowly lowers Kinkajou's arms* No, honey, no...
Qibli:.....
Turtle:.......
Moon:.....
Moon: OF COURSE WE ARE!!!!
Qibli: FAMILY GROUP HUG! *tackles Winter*
Turtle: I always wanted a family....
Kinkajou: *hugs Turtle*
Kinkajou: Well good, because you're mine now, and you can never leave.
Moon: *dragging Carnelian back*
Moon: So how exactly does this family work?
Air: Moon is the mom.
Umber: DUH.
Air: Winter is the dad.
Umber: *gasps* HOT DAD BOD!
Qibli: *grins smugly*
Winter: Don't you dare-
Qibli: Hi Daddy.
Carnelian: *smashes Qibli over the head with a guitar*
Carnelian: nO.
Joy: Qibli is the eldest son.
Winter: Then he's the child we use as sacrifice, wonderful!
Moon: Why can't you be more of a Patton dad instead of a 'I hate my children and my life' dad?
Winter: BECAUSE I DON'T CARE. AND ALSO I HATE MY LIFE.
Kinkajou: *tying a cardigan around Winter's shoulders*
Kinkajou: Too late, Mr. Patton.
Joy: And Umber is the youngest baby.
Carnelian: HA!
Umber: Qibli! I'm your hot younger sister, how do you feel?
Qibli:......Awkward.
Umber: Good!
Kinkajou: What about the rest of us!?!?
Rainkeeper: You weren't given roles, soooooo
Kelp: Carnelian and Kinkajou are twins, Turtle is the homeless man that lives with you.
Kinkajou: YAY!
Carnelian: NO.
Turtle: I thought this was supposed to be a game, not my life.
Moon: So how do we be a family?
Hosts:......
Joy: I have no idea.
Air: Just do normal family.....stuff?
Winter: Sooooo fight?
Air: NO!
Nightflyer: Play board games, go for a drive-
Players: NO MORE ROAD TRIPS.
Moon: The first one was a disaster enough, seeing as SOMEONE can't ask for directions.
Winter: WE DIDN'T NEED DIRECTIONS! I knew exactly where we were going!
Moon: THEN HOW COME WE PASSED THE SAME GAS STATION NINETEEN TIMES?
Winter: BECAUSE IT WAS A POPULAR GAS STATION CHAIN, IT WASN'T THE SAME ONE EVERY TIME, THREE MOONS!
Moon/Winter: *keep arguing*
Umber: Well, if I have to be the baby, then I have to be the baby.
Umber: *sits down, tilts head back, and wails*
Umber: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Moon: Great, now you woke the baby!
Winter: I didn't do that! You woke him up!
Moon: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS BLAME ME?
Qibli: stop fighting!!
Winter/Moon: GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Turtle: Hey Kinkajou, if I'm the homeless man living with you, can I still date you?
Kinkajou: Yes. Yes you can.
Carnelian: Oh, that is SO like you, to date every homeless guy that comes along.
Kinkajou: YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE YOU CAN'T GET A GIRLFRIEND.
Carnelian: That- That THAT IS NOT TRUE!
Kinkajou: Yes it is.
Turtle: Yes it is.
Qibli: Yes it is!
Carnelian: STAY OUT OF THIS, QIBLI!
Turtle/Kinkajou: *go to kiss each other*
Winter: Oh, HELL NO. *grabs Kinkajou and pulls her away*
Kinkajou: But DAAAADDDD!!!
Winter: No daughter of mine is going to date a homeless person! Just look at him! He's filthy!
Kinkajou: That's only because you won't let him use the shower!
Winter: NO HOMELESS PERSON IS GOING TO USE OUR BATHROOM!
Kinkajou: But he's not homeless, HE'S LIVING HERE!
Winter: THAT DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
Turtle: That's LITERALLY THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOMELESS AND HAVING A HOME.
Winter: And YOU! Stop trying to kiss my daughter!
Turtle: I can't help it if she's beautiful!
Winter: Alright, that's it, your time is up- GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!
Kinkajou: Dad no!
Winter: DAD YES.
Moon: Winter, you can't! We love Homeless Joe!
Hosts: *eating popcorn and watching like this is their favorite soap opera*
Winter: NO. HOMELESS JOE NEEDS TO GO.
Umber: I'm hungrrryyyyy
Winter: HI HUNGRY, I'M DAD!
All: *gasps*
Carnelian: Awwww, his first dad joke!!
Players: *hugs Winter*
Winter: Wait, no. GET OFF.
Moon: Never.
Umber: We wuv you, Daddy.
Winter: OKAY, NO, GO AWAY. *shoves them off*
Turtle: So.... Can I stay?
Kinkajou: YES!
Winter: NO.
Moon: Don't listen to him, Joe. You can stay in the basement. Winter will never know.
Winter: I'm literally RIGHT HERE-
Moon: AND WHOSE OPINION MATTERS MORE IN THIS HOUSE, YOU OR ME?
Winter:......You.....
Moon: Exactly. KINKAJOU'S HOMELESS BOYFRIEND STAYS!
Players: YAY!!!!
Rainkeeper: We....we need to do this more often.
Nightflyer: And next time, we bring more popcorn.