Art by: https://fris-sucks.tumblr.com
"Y/n! Y/N!" My body shook violently, and my breath came out in heavy bursts. Tears poured from my eyes and my mind ran wild. When I came to I found myself in a fetal position, with my shield around me. Mr. Aizawa, All Might, Ectoplasm, Midnight, Cementoss, and even Katsuki all surrounded me, trying to break through to get to me. Something new was happening to me...bits of my shield started to grow on my skin, it was out of my control. I looked at everyone, their mouths moving but nothing coming out, no sound. Except for Katsuki's, who seemed to echo. "Y/n! Lower your shield now you bastard!" He looked worried, but his words didn't register in my mind.
'Failure.'
That's what he's saying...right?
'Useless.'
That's what they're all saying. That's what she thinks of me now...a failure...it's my fault. It's my fault she's gone. It's my fault he got hurt, kidnapped, it's all my fault.
"I SAID." Katsuki's voice cut through my thoughts, making me look at him. "LET ME IN!" He blasted through my shield, my body staying in place as I watched pieces of it scatter around me. He huffed angrily, stomping over to me and grabbing me my the collar of my shirt, and pulling me close to his face. "When I say let me in, you fucking let me in. UNDERSTAND? What the hell are you doing, EH!? Shriveling here on the floor, by yourself!? WHEN I'M RIGHT HERE?" I stayed silent, his anger came from a place of worry. I could see it in his eyes.
"Bakugo, be gentle with her, she's in a panic attack state, her quirk is unsta-"
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!" Katsuki cut off Aizawa.
"Young man, that isn't how you talk to your teacher!" Cementoss began, but Aizawa stopped him.
"Now you listen to me Y/n, whatever the fuck you're going through, you will fucking get through it. You will get through it because you're like me! NOTHING BEATS YOU, YOU BEAT IT! I will fucking blast through whatever is making you like this if I have to. GOT IT!?" He huffed slightly, waiting for my answer. I shakily grabbed his forearm and stood up, nodding. My chest hurting, and my legs shaking.
"y-yes..." I said softly. Katsuki released my shirt and grabbed my hand.
"Now I have to take you to the fucking nurse! So keep up!"
"Bakugo." Aizawa said stopping us. Katsuki looked over his shoulder, allowing Aizawa to nod in approval before continuing to take me to the nurse. I stumbled slightly behind him as he kept a grip on my hand.
"Katsuki..." I said softly, my head feeling light. The lights in the halls seemed to be brighter then usual. I ended up falling to my knee's half way down the street towards the school, instead of stopping for a moment, and letting me catch my breath, Katsuki whipped around and picked me up bridal style.
"Come on, no stopping now you bastard." He sprinted into a jog, holding me close as he jogged towards the school. I wrapped my arms around his neck and nuzzled my face into his neck, small tears rolling down as guilt washed over me. Not only could I not keep up with him, he was not carrying my useless ass to the nurses, because what? I was too weak to keep my shit together? "Oi, you better not be crying on me!"
"Sorry..." I sniffled, wiping my face with my sleeve as Katsuki picked up his pace. Once we arrived at the nurses office, Recovery girl began to look me over. Katsuki paced around the room, he seemed stressed out, and nervous. After checking me through various tests, Recovery girl sat down in her chair and rolled up next to me.
"I want you to take me through the events from earlier if that is okay. Tell me every detail you can." Katsuki now looked at me, also wanting to know. "Do you want him to leave? Would that make you more comfortable?"
"No." I said quickly. "I...I need him here."
"Alright, if you don't mind I want to record this, for medical purposes."
"That is fine." I nodded. I watched her press record, then took a deep breath. "I was training with Ectoplasm...I was having a difficult time keeping my shield strong. It kept shattering no matter how hard I was focusing. Ever since I came back from the hospital...my quirk has just been different. Like there are things about it I can't really control. So...not being able to control the shield stressed me out I guess." I said explaining the events.
"Your medical records say you had a concussion from that night, and that you had exerted yourself in a tantrum, causing lots of damage to the area you were in. Do you think that has something to do with your Quirk now?"
"Maybe...? I think it was when I hit my head while fighting the villains."
"Your injuries were severe when the doctors looked at you. Said you may simulate Mental Confusion, Illusions both Visual and Auditory, difficulty concentrating, and difficulty thinking and understanding. Your father also informed the doctor that in the past you have suffered from Panic Attacks, and Depression. Have you experienced any of that?"
"..." I looked over at Katsuki, his eyes filled with worry and I knew lying now would only make things worse. "Yes." I said softly.
"Please describe to me, what you experienced in the past 24 hours."
"While training with Ectoplasm I experienced visual illusions and auditory illusions. This led to me having a panic attack..."
"What did you see and hear?" I bit my bottom lip, scared to describe what I saw and hear...would Katsuki see me as being weak? Does he see me being weak now? Why was I so broken...when did I become so useless...so pathetic. I then felt something grab my hand. Katsuki now sat next to me and held my hand tightly. My heart calmed down a bit, and I was able to refocus again.
"I..at first...only saw Ectoplasm kind of...shift?"
"Shift?"
"Yea like...one minute he was him..the next he would flash into that Nomu I encountered in the beginning of the year...when he charged at me its when it happened. I tried to ignore it, focusing harder on the training, but then...I blacked out I think...because then I was in a dark and cold room. I could see my breath, and there was no light anywhere. No one around...just me."
"Did anything happen in this room?" As she asked that, I began to tear up.
"I heard my Mother." Katsuki tensed up as I said that. Tears now flowed down my cheeks. "She was calling out to me...and I ran towards her voice. I saw her...standing there with her back turned towards me." My heart began to race. "then she turned, and I saw a huge hole in her chest, and her eyes were black. She began to tell me how she needed me...That I was suppose to protect her. Saying she would be alive if-" I covered my mouth as more tears came trickling down. Recovery girl rubbed my arm as I took deep breaths. "And then Katsuki was there." I sniffled. Katsuki now looked at me confused. "He was dressed in the same clothes he was in when he was kidnapped..."
"Before you continue..." Recovery girl said cutting me off. "These versions of Bakugo and your mom...would you say they are accurate to the originals. Do you think your mother would really say those things to you?" I looked at her for a moment, thinking about it before answering.
"No...she would never say those things to me."
"And this Bakugo, did he say things that you know he would say, or things you would say to yourself." I now looked at Katsuki. His face filled with curiosity and worry.
"No. He wouldn't." I wiped my face with my sleeve.
"Did anyone else show up?"
"My father...he showed up at the very end."
"And what did he say?"
"...." I clenched my jaw, my grip on Katsuki's hand also becoming tighter. "You should have died instead of her." The room was quiet, Recovery Girl and Katsuki both in shock from my words.
"He wouldn't say that now would he?"
"He would think it..."
"How do you know?"
"I just do..."
"I'm sure he doe-"
"I know he does." I said now raising his voice. "Because that day he wanted me to go with my mom to the store, he asked me to not go with Katsuki but that day my mom told me to go with Katsuki. So I know he blames me for her death. I know it, I feel it, the burning feeling I get when he looks at me, is the same look he gives criminals when he's watching the news. In the end HE LOOKS AT ME AS IF I KILLED HER MYSELF!"
"AH!" Katsuki yelled, I looked at him and released his hand was bleeding...and it was because spikes have appeared out of my hand, bits of what looked like my shield.
"KATSUKI! I-I'm so sorry, I-I didn't even-" Both my hands now began to form these small spikes, and I began to panic more. "w-what's going on!? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?"
"Y/n, you need to take deep breaths. You Quirk is responding to your anxiety."
"I WANT IT TO STOP! I hurt Katsuki!" I cried trying to break off the spikes but having no luck."
"Breath. Y/n, look at me." I looked at Recovery Girl, panting heavily, then began to follow her lead. She made me take a few breaths with her, before leaving me to do it on my own while she wrapped up Katsuki's hand. It took me a good 10 minutes to get back to my original semi-relaxed state. The spikes on my arms had vanished now, leaving me with pink stains all across my arms. Katsuki went to grab my hand again but I flinched away, pulling away from him. "It's best if you don't touch her right now dear, her quirk seems to be unstable right now."
"Tch." Katsuki grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly. "This is nothing." I smiled softly, always enjoying this tough guy cover he puts on. I watched as Recovery Girl stopped the recording and took out the tape.
"I think it would be best if you took the rest of the day off while the results come in. I'm putting you on a two day leave, and I am assigning you a watcher."
"A watcher?" I asked nervously. "What does that mean?"
"One of your classmates will keep an eye on you. It's temporary, just until we know what is going on, and how to help you properly. I say it'll last a few weeks at most."
"Do I get to pick who it is...?"
"Dear...it cannot be Bakug-"
"Actually..." I said stopping her. "I had someone else in mind. Two, actually."
"Oh?"
"Kyoka Jiro and Momo Yaoyorozu, they are close friends of mine who are very honest and would know what is best for me."
"I will discuss it with Aizawa. Bakugo." She said now turning to him. "You have missed class for this, just this once I will allow you to go back to the dorms with Y/n, and watch over her until we assign a proper watcher to her." Katsuki stayed silent as he helped me up. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to contact me." She took out her business card and handed to me, then lead us out of the room. On the walk back to the dorms I kept my grip light on Katsuki, watching my hand as we walked. He noticed and let out an aggravated sigh before gripping my hand tighter.
"I'm not weak, don't treat me like I am."
"I'm not..." I mumbled. "I just don't like hurting you."
"I'll take on a million damn spikes! I'm stronger then you think I am."
"That doesn't make it any better! I still don't like it! I want to protect you, not hurt you."
"Well think of this as a STEP to protecting me, you can do serious damage if you learn to control it."
"I don't know if I want to...I was happy with just being a shield."
"You're so much more then just a shield." He grumbled. We fell silent for the rest of the walk. After returning to the dorms we got dressed into some comfortable clothes, then went to my room to relax. Katsuki laid on my bed and scrolled through his phone, while I laid on his chest and thought about today's events...how it effected me. How it effected Katsuki. I looked at my hand, seeing the pink splotches all across my arm where the shards of my shield were.
"Hey Katsuki." I said softly.
"Hm." He grunted.
"...what if I've been using my quirk wrong this entire time?" I looked up at him and saw he was thinking.
"Means you'll have to work to understand it."
"I wasn't expecting you...to actually give me a good answer."
"Or you're an IDIOT for misusing it all this time."
"there it is." I giggled. I looked back at my hand and closed it into a fist. "the first step..."