Kelp: Joy's about to do that thing again where she quotes a George Carlin bit, so enjoy.
Joy: *inhales*
Joy: *says everything in this video*
Nightflyer: We....We need to stop quoting him.
Joy: NEVER.
Nightflyer: It's just so controversial...
Joy: I LIVE FOR CONTROVERSY! IF GEORGE CARLIN IS WRONG, I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT!
*players appear*
Air: Here, memorize these *passes out scripts*
Winter: Uh....Why?
Rainkeeper: It's for the next two dares, you'll see.
Deathbringer: *shrugs* Okay.
Peril: So, um, someone had to describe me and apparently, after firescales, the most notable thing I've ever done is yell at a bowl.
Turtle: That was hilarious-
Peril: I'VE DONE SO MANY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN THAT, THOUGH.
Clay: We know, Peril! It's just that people like to focus on funny stuff!
Kelp: Speaking of funny stuff, has anyone ever watched "The Men Who Stare at Goats?"
Players:.........
Glory: No.
Joy: Well it's a great movie, it's on Netflix, you should check it out, it's funnier then it looks.
Umber: What are we being forced into doing today?
Air: Besides mentally preparing to go back to school? Singing.
Seashell: Singing Candy Store from THE HEATHERS.
Joy: Love that movie.
Seashell: THE MUSICAL. AND I ONLY KNOW THE SONG BECAUSE OF THE RIVERDALE MUSICAL EPISODE, AND I REGRET NOTHING.
Seashell: Cheryl Blossom looks SO much like a Heather, it's ridiculous.
Rainkeeper: So Kinkajou, Moon, Sunny, and Carnelian get to sing.
Sunny: YES!
Carnelian: NO.
Kinkajou: YES YES YES!
Carnelian: Did you not hear me the first time? NO.
Moon: YESSSS!
Carnelian:.......DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT FOR YOU? N-O. NO. I'LL EVEN SAY IT IN SPANISH. NO. NUNCA. NOOOOOO.
Nightflyer: Oh a spanish side note, Don Quixote is a lot duller than I thought it'd be.
Joy: CARNELIAN, SHUSH, YOU ONLY HAVE LIKE ONE LINE.
Carnelian: Oh, okay, fine.
Air: You get to be Veronica, and the others get to be Heathers.
Seashell: You'll draw straws for which Heather is which.
Sunny/Kinkajou/Moon: *draws*
Seashell: And Heather Chandler will be played by Kinkajou.
Kinkajou:....Great.
Seashell: Heather Duke will be played by Moon.
Moon:....Which one is that?
Seashell: And Heather McNamara will be played by Sunny.
Sunny: Cool name!
Joy: *clicks on boombox and music starts*
Kinkajou: Are we gonna have a problem?
You got a bone to pick?
You've come so far,
Why now are you pulling on my dick?
Players: *spits out water and starts dying*
Kinkajou: I'd normally slap your face off,And everyone here could watch.But I'm feeling nice.Here's some advice.Listen up, biotch!
Glory: Out of everyone, Kinkajou is totally most likely to say biotch.
Sunny/Moon: I like!
Kinkajou: Lookin' hot
Buying stuff they cannot
Moon/Sunny: I like!
Kinkajou: Drinkin' hard
Maxin' Dad's credit card
Sunny/Moon: I like!
Kinkajou: Skippin' gym
Scaring her
Screwing him
Moon/Sunny: I like!
Kinkajou: Killer clothes
Sunny/Moon/Kinkajou: Kickin' nerds in the nose!
Kinkajou: If you lack the balls
You can go play dolls
Let your mommy fix you a snack
Sunny/Moon: Woah!
Kinkajou: Or you could come smoke
Pound some rum and coke
In my Porsha with the quarterback
Kinkajou/Moon/Sunny: Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin' for?
Welcome to my candy store
It's time for you to prove
You're not a loser anymore
Then step into my candy store
Kinkajou/Sunny: Guys fall
Moon: At your feet
Pay the check
Sunny: Help you cheat
Sunny/Kinkajou/Moon: All you
Moon: Have to do
Kinkajou: Say goodbye to Shamoo
Moon/Sunny/Kinkajou: That freak's
Sunny: Not your friend
I can tell in the end
Sunny/Kinkajou/Moon: If she
Sunny: Had your shot
Kinkajou/Moon/Sunny: She would leave you to rot
Sunny: 'Course if you don't care
Fine! Go braid her hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on
Moon/Kinkajou/Sunny: Woah!
Sunny: Or forget the creep
Moon: And get in my jeep
Kinkajou: Let's go tear up someone's lawn
Sunny/Moon/Kinkajou: Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin' for?
Welcome to my candy store
You just gotta prove
You're not a pussy anymore
Then step into my candy store
Kinkajou: You can join the team
Sunny/Moon: Or you can bitch and moan
Kinkajou: You can live the dream
Moon/Sunny: Or you can die alone
Kinkajou: You can fly with eagles
Kinkajou/Moon/Sunny: Or if you prefer
Kinkajou: Keep on testing me
Moon/Sunny: And end up like her!
Fatespeaker: Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party. This proves he's been thinking about me.
Carnelian: Color me stoked.
Fatespeaker: I'm so happy!
Sunny/Moon/Kinkajou: Woah!
Moon: Honey, whachu waiting fo—
Kinkajou/Sunny/Moon: Step into my candy store! Time for you to prove
Oooh woah! Woah oh oh! You're not a lame ass anymore
Then step into my candy store
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
All:........
Sunny: OH THREE MOONS, I FEEL LIKE A HORRIBLE PERSON.
Kinkajou: WHO SINGS THIS?!?!
Moon: Yep, we're awful.
Carnelian: WHY COULDN'T I SING THE MEAN SONG!?!!??!
Sunny: No wonder they kill Heather!
Moon: Which one?
Sunny:......
Sunny: I.....I don't know.
Kinkajou: TOO MANY HEATHERS!!! *screams*
*Winona Ryder appears*
Winona: Hi!
All:.....*screams bloody murder and tramples each other as they run away*