My limbs felt numb and cold staying in this position for three hours straight. The darkness in the sky seem to fade as the sun began to rise and some how the sight of the sun began to create an ache in my chest because it's a new day. Morning came and I wish to god that it never came at all because a day without Michael doesn't seem right. Something feels wrong and out of place.
Tears rolled down my face and I found it tiring having to cry for so long. It feels like I have to turn myself into somebody else to get through this pain.
I began to hate myself with each ticking minute, I began to curse myself for letting this happen. The heavy ache that is twisting in my chest is something I don't want to feel. The lost of Michael is a heavy burden in all of us. The place seemed quieter, the type of silence that can drive you crazy.
I sat frozen staring at the same tree for the past three hours. I can feel my eyes swollen red from all the crying but I can't seem to stop it just keeps pouring down like a broken tap. All those words that is left in my throat is heavy pain I wish I could get rid of and I'm so scared that it will always be there. I will never get closure.
I wanted to march back to that mountain and rip him a part the way he did with Michael. I wanted him to watch me as I rip his heart out but I stopped. I clamed myself down because that is what he wants, for me to end it quick instead of him suffering for enternity.
I hear rustling on the right infront of me, my eyes lazily follow the sound. Niki came out to my surprise out of all people to follow me she came. Her eyes is glassy with red rims around her eyes. She looks over at me and sighed deeply sitting down at me.
For a minute we just sat there staring at the tree and the silence only left a longing for Michael.
"Did Michael ever tell you the story of how he met Kat?" Niki spoke clearing her throat.
She look at me waiting for a response I shook my head slowly staring down at my hands.
"It was World War II and she was 14 when the German soilders came to her home and murdered her mother gunning her right infront of her. They kidnapped her sister and her dragging them into this abandoned home. When they arrived there was about 8 other girls they took from their homes and they got told they have new life now and they have to follow rules and when those rules were broken something bad happens. The leader would demonstrated that if anyone ever rebel against him he would cut their throats. He grabbed Kat's sister and killed her just for an example. Kat cried hysterically and the boss didn't like that, he than realized that she was deaf. He took that to his advantage and made her the girl that would inject herione in the girls because they couldn't plead for help it's useless to try with Kat. She would get them high before the soliders came to pay for the night with them. It sickened her to have to look at their lifeless eyes and force herself to inject them and after the man were done with the girls she would come back to clean the girls up. She wasn't sold to any man as long as she did her job right and because the boss fell in love with her. She met a girl and soon became friends because she knew sign language and she was nicer and understanding then the other girls. They promise each other to get out of here and that they'll make it she just had to hold on.." Niki trail.
My eyes widen slightly at the horrible history Kat had and I found a new admirable part of her for creating a new life for her and for not letting her past ruin the person she is.
"What happened?" I finally spoke looking over at Niki.
She stared back a small sad smile place upon her lips.
"One night a man came and he was so rough on her and so brutal and left her bloody. Kat hid in that room when it happened in the vents. She came out with a small knife and stabbed the man so many times that the whole ground is filled with blood. Kat helped her friend and they were going to escape and have a plan but the girl was too weak and she was losing too many blood. She told Kat to go to be free for both of them. Kat did she fought all those men inside, she was wise and made them kill each other. She burned the place down and made it out escaping it all, she just kept running and running until she saw this barn and knocked on it. Michael answered she was scared of him at first and declined his help for anything because all the man she ever met never showed her kindness the way Michael did. Kat saved herself but Michael showed her kindess to help her love herself. When she was 19 Michael turned her because she wanted to be a vampire, she wanted to be strong and free and Michael gave her that." Niki smiled slightly. "Michael gave all of us a second chance in life."
I swallowed the lump in my throat wipping away my tears, my mind seemed troubled by the memories of him.
"It's my fault he's dead." I spoke emotionless.
"Don't listen to Kat she's just scared and angry and we say things we regret when we're angry." Niki comforted.
"It's my fault." I cried into my hand shaking my head.
"You know what Michael would say now?" She blink away her tears but a smile still found its way on her lips. "Don't cry sweet girl I'm right beside you." She spoke the nickname he had for me.
I look up at her my eyes softening tears rushing down hearing those words. Niki always know things not a lot of people would. I cried and lean onto her for the first time, leaning my head against her shoulder. I sob quietly finding a tiny bit of comfort with Niki beside me.
We stayed still for a little while until she spoke up again.
"Annabel found a way so we can say goodbye to him."
"What do you mean?"
"Annabel will send us one by one to see him one last time for a minute, to have a little closure."
The thought of seeing Michael created a big lump in my throat, I lift my head and looked over at Niki.
"What if he hates me?" I whispered fearing to have to face Michael and see him hate me for letting this happen to him.
"Don't you learn anything by now Jessy?" Niki chuckled softly. "We're family and we don't turn our backs on our family." Niki smiled and stood up offering her hand for me to take.
I look down on her hand and almost burst out crying at how lucky I am to have people that wouldn't dare betray you. I held her hand as she held me up walking through the forrest. The thought of being betrayed ran in my mind and Dominic's face popped up.
When Lincoln shoved it in my face that Dominic lied to me all of this time had me paralyzed in the pain that only he could give me. It was like a big slap in the face because after all this I wanted to finally tell him I love him. I want him to look at me in the eyes and say he had loved me too and the thought of him not loving me had me gasping for air because even after all the things he has done for me I'm afraid of not having him in my life. That's either stupid or just insane to even think that. The worst possible thing anybody could do to me is this and him out of all people stabbed me in the back for his father.
I opened up to him, he is the one I never doubted with loyalty because somehow I thought he would always stand by me. Lincoln's words feels like it's taring me a part and all I have to hold on and not break down is knowing I would see Michael. I would run to him and tell him I need him now more than ever. Only he could understand and it hurts so much to lose the only man that made me feel safe and lose the other man I love for making me love myself.
Everything is collapsing and my heart felt heavy with too much emotions.
"Did you know?" I spoke asking about Dominic.
She look at me and gave me a sad smile nodding.
"I've known Dominic for a long time and he has done a lot of stupid things in his life time. Yes lying to you for years about Lincoln is wrong and stupid and the most hurtful thing anybody could do to someone but a long the way his feelings are true. That's one thing that he never lied about-
"You're wrong." I interject. "Even if it's true I can't..." I struggle with words trying to control my emotions when it comes with Dominic. "I don't think I could let this go."
"That's okay and then maybe you can tell yourself to stop loving him."
My mouth fell open to decline her statement but something held me back as she stare at me knowingly smiling softly. Niki never once showed me pity and frown at me and say it's all going to be okay. She simply states facts and what she knows, she's the type of person that understand so many things, her mind is such an open mind that you learn to love the person she is. You can't be gaurded when she's around she may already know your secrets.
We arrived back home that doesn't seem like a home anymore.
Everybody is seated waiting for Annabel to start tears clearly left a mark on everybody's face. My eyes landed on Dominic who held my gaze guilt ran through his eyes and all I could do is turn away from him sensing the familiar pain erupt my chest.
The presence of everyone in the room had a comforting feeling. Annabel walked in slowly dread in her face.
"Okay let's get started." She took a big breath.
"Thank you." I spoke.
Her eyes snap towards me a sad smile is place upon her face shaking her head.
"Witches is about belonging in a coven and through the years we forget about that. We have been running from vampires, seperated from most of our families living in a old cottage home out in the forrest. I have forgotten what it feels like to belong in a family and for the first time in such a long time I feel like I belong some where. This family is no other family I have seen and Michael is the main foundation of this and even though he is gone this family will always stand together and I like to think I'm part of that." Her voice shook as she try to hold on to her tears but it continued to trail down her cheeks.
Kat stood up quickly and pulled her into a hug. Annabel let out a soft cry burying her face on her shoulder. Luke stood up and kiss her on the forehead comforting her. I blink away the tears her eyes snapping towards mine, I nodded at her showing her she was always part of this family.
Annabel continued with her spell and I felt anxious taking over making me my stomach twist until I can't take it. I spin around and walk through the house up the stairs as I pass the hallway my feet stood still infront of Michael's office.
I raise my hands in the door knob my heart pounding as if expecting him to be on the other side sitting on his chair reading but as I open it all I am face with is the emptiness of the chair and I broke down. I cried finding it hard to process anything that is going through my head. I cried and walk into this room that is overwhelming with all his presence. I cried as I hear his voice in this room. I cried feeling his hand landing on my shoulder comforting me.
I imagine him up in heaven wearing a very expensive suit with a gold watch and gold champagne with a big smile on his face. The thought of him like that had me sighing in comfort but this aching hole in my chest cannot leave me alone.
I never thought in my life I would ending feeling this sort of pain that would leave me wanting to crumble into pieces. People go through shit times for most of their lives, they learn to deal with it and move on but somehow I like to see how people could move on from this. From all the hatered, lost, beteryal and pain.
I want Michael to tell me what to do from here because I have no idea.
I hear footsteps behind me and as I close my eyes I knew who it is making me lose control.
"Jessy please talk to me." Dominic spoke slowly.
The sudden dread of having to look at him in the eyes hand me clenching my fist tightly. All of these years of trying to control my feels only left me breaking down infront of him.
"I would have understood." I spoke trail facing away from him. "I would have understood that you wanted to bring your mother back why couldn't you just tell me? You lied to me all those years."
"It was hard, I was selfish and I-
"It was hard?" I chuckled bitterly shaking my head.
I turn around finally facing him, he looked at me sadly his eyes trail my face worriedly.
"How can it be hard when you planned this all along? You used me, you made me trust you and you say it's hard when all of this was suppose to happen. It was planned step by step to make me care about you, to make me open up to you so how can be god dammn hard for you?" I cried frustrated with him.
He took a step towards me his eyes turning glassy red.
"I was sick of it, I ended the deal with Lincoln a long time ago I told him I could never do that to you. I never told him anything that would hurt you-
"Do you hear what you are saying to me right now?" I yelled angerly. "You frustrate me to the point all I want to do is punch you."
"I hate myself for doing this to you Jessy." His voice crack.
I bite my lip trying not to let him affect me, trying not to let those eyes I fell in love with fade my anger away. As I look at him all my will to hate him vanished away and I can't help but hate myself instead.
"I couldn't bare the thought of losing you so l lied and I had planned to tell you all about it after everything ends. I didn't want you to hate me." He took another step towards me.
"Answer me this," I took a step back from him his eyes dropping slightly. "The first time we met you told me I could be anything I wanted to be, that I was stronger and you would be by my side when the time comes. Did Lincoln tell you to say that to me?" I held my breath for his answering.
"Yes." He narrow his eyes on the floor ashamed.
I let a shakey breath in my mouth tears rolling down my face looking away from him. He was the first vampire to give me that confidence that yes I could do anything and I am strong. He gave me this sort of motivation to be that person he described. From that moment there I was a scared girl who knew nothing about vampire but yet he gave me comfort in being one like he knew I would be a great vampire.
I let out a small cry letting myself break down infront of him for being a fool just like what Lincoln said. A new type of pain rush through me overwhelming me, all these emotions is too hard to take and it's taking it's toll on me.
"I'm sorry." He spoke. "Forgive me I'm sorry." He walk towards me his hand is placed on my shoulder making me jump at the burning sensation my body reacting to his touch.
He wrapped his arms around me pulling me into a tight embrace, I struggle getting out because as much as I try to deny his touch, to feel disgusted by him I couldn't. I sob loudly hearing him cry against my ear, my legs giving in as he held me against him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He cried.
My hands pry his arms away from me pushing him off, he stumbled back his head hanging low defeated. I look at him both our face drenched in tears my body shaking.
"Forgive me Jessy-
"I can't do it Dominic, I can't." I cried turning away from him hating myself because all I want to do is stand infront of him and wipe away those tears.
"I love you okay! I love you so much Jessy it hurts me to know that I cause you to feel like this. I love you, I have loved you for a long time now." He spoke desperately.
My throat tightened hearing those words, I can feel my body shake as I try hold in my sob. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly feeling the tears rush down my face. I clenched my fist, forcing myself to face him and made sure my words would sting.
"I don't care." I spoke slowly never letting my voice shake and not a single tear fell.
I watch as his lips trembled, stumbling back like I physically slap him. His eyes dropped to the ground his face twisted in pain I rush out of there before I took it all back and say I love him too. I ran to my room tears blinding me. Once I entered my room I shut my door and gasp loudly turning into a sob my feet giving out underneath me.
I place my hands on the floor tears splashing on the ground my heart twisting in pain. The burning fire of his touch still lingered on my skin and all I could do is cry some more finding it hard to breathe. Every part of me feels torn broken and torn apart.
I sat there on the ground letting my tears fall with every painful air in my lungs. I sat against the bed feeling weak and light headed and some how I welcomed this new pain in my head instead. I would rather feel physical pain then this.
My door slowly opened Annabel stepping in her eyes shinning with sadness as her eyes dropped on me. I must look pathetic and weak.
She sat infront of me staring at my face.
"Are you ready?" She spoke softly a frown placing on her lips.
I nodded unable to speak my eyes feeling sore from all the crying. Slowly she place her hands over mine and closed her eyes saying a spell under her breath. I felt a heavy sleepiness wash over me making me close my eyes only to be greeted with a bright shinning light instead of the darkness.
I stood in a forrest, a bright white sky is displayed, I can feel the warm breeze hitting my skin and the birds singing. My eyes snap towards a figure sitting on a bench and I knew that he is there waiting for me. I can't help but cry out in happiness as he slowly turn his head to face me. That smile I will miss slowly stretches, his eyes never looked so blue.
I ran to him and jumped on his arms gasping as I felt his touch. His arms wrapped tightly around me erasing the pain away.