Grief- A profound mental anguish that one feels when one loses a loved one. Often accompanied with feelings of sorrow, regret, anger, guilt, and feeling very lonely.
6 Months later
"Honnneyyy..you said I could!" She tapped on my shoulder. I kept my eyes fixated on my phone and acted as if I couldn't hear her. "Then why did you say it if you not going to do it?" She stepped in front of me. I locked my phone and took a deep breathe, looking up at her. "I'm up next in a few. This is my last night so why would I let you have my set Niya. I didn't say you could have it, buck did and buck don't run a bitch ass thing but this club. You'll be taking my spot once I leave so just sit this one out." She just stared at me for a couple seconds before speaking. "I'll give you some head." She smirked. I was so taken aback by what she said I almost smacked her. I don't play that gay shit what the fuck. "Fuck out of here. No means no. Gone somewhere." I waved her off and turned my chair towards the mirror.
These past couple of months have been some of the most wish washy shit I've ever encountered. Whenever I was about to be fully happy with something, something bad was standing right behind it. My mom has gotten so much sicker than she has ever been, I started school, depression has been kicking my ass, and I had to balance working still. My mother isn't as mobile anymore so I have to do everything for her such as going to get her groceries, cleaning her house, cooking for her and everything else. I've recently decided that I have plenty of money saved up and I also have a constant income coming in between my rental property and others things so I'll be done stripping. I appreciate everything that this stripping shit has done for me. It has played apart of making me the woman I am today and I will always be grateful. I started school for the first time and I can say it hasn't been so bad really. I major in Administration Preparation, so I can someday work in a hospital. I want to get my masters but I may just go with an associates degree. As for Chris...we haven't spoken since that day and I'm not going to lie..I did miss him a lot in the beginning but I'm getting better now. I had fell into depression alot and I wouldn't eat so I lost so much weight. Never lost it in the right places tho. That was just a prime example as to why I never give niggas the time of day! Im not looking for anyone anytime soon neither.
"I'm about to bring out everyone favorite! We are also sad to say that this is her last performance so y'all better go crazy with them ones!! Everyone give it up for HONNENEYYYY!!" I took one last deep breath before slowly making my way onto the stage. 'Panty Droppa' boomed loudly throughout the club as I made my way up to the pole and grabbed onto it with both hands, climbed my way to the very top and slowly slid down it with my legs spread so when I got to the floor, I was in a split. The crowd was yelling and cheering as I proceeded with my routine. My eyes scanned the crowd and then they landed on a pair that was staring into my soul. Money was flying everywhere and the heat level started to rise. They belonged to him. It's been so long that I forgot what it felt like to be trapped in that enticing stare. Everything around me started to move in slow motion and my heart was racing. I could hear the music stop but time still felt like it was going slow. I finished off my routine as quick as I could before leaving the stage. Cherry ran up to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. "That's my bitch!!! Oh my god ima miss you!" She pulled away from me and made a pouty face. I blinked a couple times to before putting on a smile. "I'm going to miss you too!" I laid my hand in her shoulder and patted it before turning and walking away. I'm all discombobulated. I....I'm lost for words honestly.
As I was finishing up with getting my clothes folded up and put in my duffle, the door closed behind me and someone cleared their throat. I looked up in the mirror and there he stood with another duffel bag. "Senia! Long time no see baby." He raised his arms in the air, holding the bag still. I turned around towards him and almost choked on my spit. Everything that happened to me that night flashed back into my head. "Why you shaking? I don't bite." He gave this devious smirk and slowly walked towards me. His face kept flickering between his own and someone else's and I was on the verge of passing out.
I may be being a bit extra but I mean I'm really shook. I don't remember a lot from that night but I do know that he helped me. It's just when I see him, I see the other person and it immediately has me scared.
One night on my...nineteenth birthday I threw a birthday bash at some hotel and it was rocking. We almost got kicked out and everything. Don (the guy in front of me) was invited and he brung a lot of his niggas with him or whatever. Party was ending and Don was outside smoking with most of the people he came with.
Flashback
"Girl you fucked up sit down!" Tiara laughed and pushed me down on the bed. "Girl I'm not even drunk." I attempted to roll my eyes. Everything in the room was blurred and my head was spinning like crazy. "Yeah okay. I'm about to head out, get some rest and call me in the morning." She tapped my leg before leaving. I had finally had the hotel room to myself and everyone was gone. My stomach is starting to hurt and I'm trying to focus on everything but throwing up. I could hear someone talking but I didn't know which direction it was coming from. Fuck. I need to sit up before I throw up and choke on it. I struggled to sit up but eventually I got it. Wooo! I laughed to myself. "Senia girl wassup?" Someone appeared from the bathroom. "Nothing...wait..where did you come from?" I held my finger up. He chuckled and next thing I know he was standing in front of me and I was laying on my back on the bed. I couldn't really focus on one thing but I could see his silhouette. "I been wanting you for awhile now...you be trying to act all funny and shit." I could feel something rubbing against my thigh and with each stroke, it came closer to my vagina. I tried to sit up because I don't know who this man is and I don't want it. Each time I would sit up, he would push me back down and on the last time, he pushed me backwards hard before climbing himself on top of me. I squealed and tried to push him off of me while attempting to yell "stop!" But his hand was covering my mouth and with his other hand, he was pulling his pants down. Tears started to slip from my eyes and run down the sides of my face. I never felt this helpless in my life and I don't like it. "Aye bruh the fuck are you doing!?" I heard a manly voice yell and the dude was off of me in the matter of two seconds. "No-Nothing man! She wa-wanted to fuck! Ouch! Get off of me?" I could slaps and kicks but I couldn't really see nothing. "Come on Senia." I was being picked up and carried outside of the room. My eyes were watery and I couldn't focus already. My arms, thighs, and legs are hurting bad and I'm hot. I felt my butt hit the grounds softly and the person had their arm around my back to keep me sitting up straight. "You good Senia..stop crying." The familiar voice spoke quietly and wiped my tears. I closed my eyes and took a couple deep breathes so I could at least get myself to focus. I opened my eyes and Don sat beside me with a look of sorrow on his face. "Th-thank you." I barely spoke above a whisper and wrapped my arms around myself. "No problem. I'm right here with you ma." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.
"I kn-know I'm just..nevermind." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Relax Senia, relax. "I almost didn't realize you on stage. You've...matured a lot." He looked me up and down before looking me in the eyes and smiling. I mentally rolled my eyes but put on a small smile. "Thanks. I guess I can say you changed as well." I looked between him and his waistline. I could see a gun handle sticking up threw his shirt. He chuckled and put the bag out towards me. "Ain't nothing change with me baby. Same ole Don from way back. Here's your money bag. You ran off stage quick like you seen a ghost or something." I Reached out for it but he yanked it back quick. "Aht. Not getting it until I get my hug." He smirked. I stared at him for a couple seconds. He has me fucked up but ima just comply so I don't get into deeper shit. I walked closer to him and opened my arms. He walked into my arms and hugged me tightly. "I missed you..alot...all the things we used to do..." He dropped the bag on the floor and slid his hands down to my ass, gripping it aggressively. I was frozen by his actions and I couldn't even think straight. "The way I had you bent over damn near everyday...mm. Everything was all good when it was on the low." He smacked it before letting go of me and stepping back. I folded my arms across my chest and looked away from him.
Yeah we used to mess around but I never looked at him like a boyfriend or relationship material because he was kinda....what's the word......arrogant. He just thought because we did what we did, he could just do what he wanted to do. So I fucked up the flow and told a mutual about us on purpose so he could leave me alone. I just wasn't feeling he after awhile.
"Good things never last for long." I mumbled and turned back to my station, tossing the last of my things into my bag. "Speak up since you got some much to say." I looked up at him through the mirror and cleared my throat before speaking. "I said good things don't last long. Leave that shit in the past." He chuckled and smiled, shaking his head before walking up to me and roughly grabbing my neck, pulling me towards him. "You don't want to fuck with me ma. I been trying to be cordial with you but you really yanking my shit." His grip got tighter. I started coughing and trying to pry his hands off of me but it just wasn't working. "Le-le-t me go!" I tried spitting out but I couldn't. He let go my neck and I fell to the floor, trying to catch my breath. He kicked me in my stomach and turned the other way. "Watch ya back. See you around ma." He left the room. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and took deep breathes to calm myself down. I wanted to cry so bad but I also wanted to shoot this nigga in his face. I have to be careful and watch what the fuck I'm doing or else I'm going to end up dead somewhere.
Lesson learned.