Joy: That moment when your dog looks like he's gonna drop the best damn rap album of the year.
Air: HIT IT DJ DOGGO
*players appear*
Kinkajou: Y'know, I think people really underestimate how painful it is to have sunburn on the back of your neck.
Joy: So painful....
Joy: Kelp, write that down, we might need sunburn as a torture device later.
Kelp: Got it *writes it down*
Carnelian: So what's going on today?
Air: Gay stuff.
Carnelian:.....CRAP *runs away*
Joy: Get her.
Rainkeeper/Kelp: *chases after Carnelian and drags her back*
Umber: Honey, we've talked about this, you've gotta-
Carnelian: Embrace the gay, yeah yeah, I'm here, I'm queer, get over it.
Moon: So you mentioned gay. Is Qinter involved?
Joy: Potentially.
Seashell: We're having a giant gay off between Carnelian, Umber, and everyone else's favorite gay characters.
Umber: *gasps*
Kinkajou: Oh, so Umber wins, got it.
Umber: Does- does that mean-
Air: Yep.
Umber: ALL OF THEM?
Air: Yep.
Umber: I'M DOOMED.
Turtle: How are you doomed, Skittles Queen?
Umber: I have to out-gay the Winchesters, their angelic boyfriends, AND the great Charlie Bradbury?
Nightflyer: And Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Dumbledore,
Joy: The great Morrigan, Deadpool, Spiderman,
Kelp: Number Nine, AKA Stanley,
Seashell: Cheryl, Toni, Kevin,
Kelp: Connor, Oliver, Annalise Keating,
Air: Jo Harvelle, Bobby Singer, Crowley, Qibli and Winter, Snowflake, Snowfox,
Kinkajou: Don't forget Anemone and Tamarin,
Joy: Okay, we should really stop there.
Air: If we need more, there's the whole Supernatural cast, but-
Seashell: We're up to over 30. It's already too many.
Umber: Well, it's a gay off. Maybe narrowing it down to just purely gay people would help? No pan or bi guys and gals?
Hosts:......
Nightflyer: That brings us down to Umber, Carnelian, Dumbledore, Charlie Bradbury, Seamus Finnigan, Mor, Kevin, Connor, Oliver, Snowflake, Snowfox, Tamarin, and Anemone.
Seashell: That's only 13. We can do that.
Air: And just like that, the Supernatural fandom is down to one gay.
Nightflyer: Well, are you sure that none of the angels are gay-
Air: Nope, I'm pretty sure angels classify as pansexual. Because Gabriel and Cas both like guys, girls, and other supernatural affiliated beings, and then there's Balthazar, who is a category in himself. Dean is bi, Sam is probably demi or something, Crowley has a son, so he can't be just gay, same with Bobby because he had a wife, Jo had a crush on Dean so she's probably bi, the list goes on.
Umber: Okay, I'm not against Dean Winchester. Maybe I can win this.
Nightflyer: Besides, Team Free Will's a little busy right now.
Moon: Busy with what?
Air:..........
Air: Let's just say Supernatural went Walking Dead on us, and I'M SIDING WITH LUCI FROM NOW ON, DAMN YOU CHUCK.
Carnelian: So how does the gay off work?
Kelp: I think you just have to walk up, and....be yourself, I guess.
Joy: And we'll vote on who's gayest.
Umber: Works for me.
Seashell: *snaps talons*
*Everybody appears on America'a Got Talent stage*
Hosts: *in the judge's chairs*
Straight players: *wave from the audience*
Joy: First up, Connor Walsh from How to get away with murder!
Joy: *fangirls*
Rainkeeper: Really?
Joy: Shut up, I just saw the episode where he and Oliver got married and I SHIP IT SO HARD.
Air: Welcome to the club.
Connor: *walks onstage*
Connor:....What now?
Kelp: Tell us about yourself.
Connor:...I'm a Law student who helps cover up murders on the side. I have an amazing boyfriend-
Joy: HE'S YOUR HUSBAND NOW!
Connor: -husband named Oliver. I'm like a womanizer, but gay.
Air: Hi Dean!
Connor: It's Connor-
Air: Nope!
Seashell: Next is Oliver, naturally.
Oliver: I'm a gay hacker. I've been planning my dream wedding since the sixth grade.
Nightflyer: And as of right now, you're in the lead.
Air: Next we have Kevin from Riverdale.
Kevin: Every boyfriend I have runs away or dies.
Air: SAMMY!
Kevin: I used to sneak out to a forest to make out with random guys.
Rainkeeper: Weird.
Seashell: GET AWAY FROM THE FARM, KEVIN.
Kevin: NO!
Seashell: GET OUT THEN.
Nightflyer: Seamus?
Seamus: Just because I'm secretly dating Dean Thomas DOESN'T MEAN I'M GAY.
Nightflyer: Shush, gay leprechaun.
Seamus: What did you just call me?
Nightflyer: The truth, buddy. The truth.
Joy: NEXT!
Carnelian: Ummmmm, you're all under the general impression that I'm a lesbian, so.... I'm married to Ruby still, I think. She's hot.
Umber: Nooooo, be GAYER!
Carnelian: HOW?
Rainkeeper: NEXT!
Dumbledore: *prances onstage singing and throwing flowers*
Dumbledore: Severus Snape is the most kindest, bravest, gentlest, SEXIEST mean I've ever met!
Rainkeeper: *slowly presses buzzer*
Snowflake: I have a girlfriend. That's as gay as icewings get.
Snowfox: True. You're all immature weirdos.
Snowflake: Agreed.
Joy: NEXT!
Mor: Hi.
Joy: YAS MOR!!!!
Mor: So, I'm still in the closet because Cassian and Azriel are hopelessly in love with me but I don't like them. I'm kinda dating the wife of one of the High Lords, ha.
Joy: AND YOU'RE A BADASS AND I LOVE YOU.
Mor: Thanks!
Tamarin: Um, I like Anemone and flowers? Does that count?
Kinkajou: YEP! GO TAMARIN!!!
Anemone: I helped co-found JMA's first ever GSA club, I have a rainbow colored girlfriend.... That's all I've got.
Kelp: Good enough.
Rainkeeper: and we're down to two left.
Air: This is the actual battle.
Nightflyer: why-
Air: CHARLIE BRADBURY, UNLEASE YOUR GAYNESS.
Charlie: *walks on stage in a rainbow dress and a crown*
Charlie: WAZZUP BITCHES?!?!
Air: All hail the Queen.
Charlie: I'm a renaissance fair queen, I have a tattoo of Princess Leia in a gold bikini, I've been working on shoving the Winchesters out of the closet for like a decade, I'm nudging Dean closer to Destiel, I need DEAN to help me figure out how to flirt with a guy, and I'm Castiel and Dean's registered gay best friend. Oh, and I may have dated Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.
Charlie: Peace out bitches *disappears in a cloud of rainbow glitter*
Air: *cheers*
Nightflyer: Umber, you're up!
Umber: *walks on stage*
Umber: I'm canonically gay, thought Qibli was hot, dragged Carnelian out of the closet, have dated dozens of gay dragons including Flame, oh, and did I mention the Skittles?
*skittles start raining down from the sky*
Umber: And I fart rainbows. HOT WHEELS, BEAT THAT.
Hosts:........
Seashell: He wins.
Joy: Well no shit Sherlock.
Seashell: Fuck you Watson.
Air: *gives Umber a Skittles encrusted crown and a rainbow flag cape*
Air: I PRONOUNCE THEE QUEEN OF THE DRAGON GAYS.
Umber: Just the dragons?
Air: Sorry dude, Charlie's still the queen of the scavengers.
Umber: Fair enough.
All: *cheers*
Kelp: Now what?
Rainkeeper: Well, everybody's got a jam, right?
Air: As in.....Strawberry jam....?
Rainkeeper: Air, no.... As in your song. Like, somebody plays this, and it just pumps you up or you have to dance. The song that can always make you happy and motivate you. What's your jam?
Rainkeeper: Mine is Pink Lemonade by the Wombats
Umber: Mine is the gay song from the Simpsons.