Air: *on a phone*
Seashell: Has anyone seen my OH MY MOONS AIR WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE MY PHONE GET IT OFF IT NOW.
Air: Shhhhhh, I'm stalking Misha's Twitter.
Seashell:.....Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seashell: *tackles Air, grabs th ephone and smashes it*
Air: WHY-
Seashell: NO ONE CAN KNOW.
Air: What, the pages that are lurking in your internet search history? Mine are worse.
Nightflyer: And Joy's is just plain terrifying.
Air: Well Joy has the dark web in her search history.
Joy: Air, I run the dark web.
Kelp:.....Who are you, and what have you done with Joy?
Joy: Who am I?
Rainkeeper: Oh no.
Joy: WHO am I?
Rainkeeper: Here comes the speech.
Joy: I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been up linked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
Joy: I'm new wave, but I'm old school and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive.
Joy: Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I'm on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I've got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!
Joy: I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up. You can't dumb me down because I'm tireless and I'm wireless, I'm an alpha male on beta-blockers.
Joy: I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I've got a love-child that sends me hate mail.
Joy: But, I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.
Joy: I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the "F" word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.
Joy: I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I've got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hangin in, there ain't no doubt and I'm hangin tough, over and out!
Hosts:.........
Kelp: Wow.
Joy: All hail the great George Carlin.
Nightflyer: Dear moons, that's a lot of words to memorize.
Joy: I know.
*players appear*
Rainkeeper: Starflight, time for your cocaine!
Starflight: I like cocaine.
Air: Woah, let's go back to nougat there, Jack.
Starflight: *takes cocaine*
Sunny: How do you feel?
Starflight: I FEEL TREMENDOUS! ACES! ADEPT! DOWNRIGHT CONSUMMATE, UNMITIGATED AND OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!
Kinkajou: I did not understand half of those words.
Umber: I wonder what would happen if I made Deathbringer gay.
Starflight: I know what would happen! He'd start rambling about citrus and try to lick me!
Deathbringer: What-
Starflight: I DON'T KNOW, IT HAPPENED IN A FANFIC ONCE.
Air: That phrase relates to too much of my vocabulary.
Nightflyer: I know.
Umber: Qibli, you're gay now, okay?
Qibli: Okay.
Sunny: Wait what?
Joy: Umber has the power to make anyone gay.
D.O.D.:...........
Tsunami: RUN BITCH RUN!!!
Deathbringer: Shit.
Umber: *laughs evilly*
Glory: So THAT'S why the entire Rainwing tribe went gay yesterday....
Umber: They are LITERALLY a tribe of RAINBOWS. They HAD to be gay.
Kinkajou: You didn't make me gay.
Umber: Aren't you already?
Kinkajou: No, I'm dating Turtle....
Umber: Oh.... Well..... You're gay now.
Kinkajou:.....Crap.
Carnelian: Does the gayness fade away after awhile, or am I permanently a lesbian now?
Seashell: You're whatever you want to be, Carnelian.
Umber: She was so gay before this dare; I don't know what she's talking about.
Carnelian: I am NOT-
Winter: *chewing gum*
Carnelian: He's CHEWING GUM!
Winter: It helps me think!
Carnelian: Sweetie, you're wasting your gum.
Rainkeeper: If you can name the movie that's from, you're my favorite person.
Umber: Ohhhhh, I love that movie.
Rainkeeper:......Why does that not surprise me?
Starflight: YOU KNOW WHAT'S A GREAT MOVIE?
Nightflyer: Oh no.
Starflight: HARRY POTTER. GREAT FUCKING MOVIE, BUT they left out Peeves, those BASTARDS.
Fatespeaker: Oh honey, no.
Starflight: AND J.K.! GOOD OLD J.K.
Starflight: MURDERED EVERYONE I CARED ABOUT.
Kelp: Did we have a dare, or.....
Starflight: AND THE MOVIES FREAKING FUDGED UP VOLDEMORT'S DEATH. HE SHOULD'VE HAD A CORPSE, DAMMIT, NOT BEEN DISSOLVED INTO LITTLE PAPER ASHY BITS THAT YOU COULD INHALE AND THEN, OH LOOK! VOLDY'S IN MY LUNGS! TOO BAD HE CAN'T BREATHE THE AIR IN THERE BECAUSE HE STILL DOESN'T HAVE A FREAKING NOSE!
Joy: Yeah, I'll go do the dare.
Seashell: *snaps talons*
*Macaw appears*
Umber: Oh my gosh Yes.
Starflight: Not dis bitch again.
Glory: *bursts out laughing*
Macaw: He broooooooooooke my heart,
Starflight: MOFO NOBODY LIKES YOU!
Macaw: He doesn't want meeeeeeee but fiiiiinally I'll set my love freeeeeeee
Starflight: BOO, YOU WHORE.
Macaw: Yes, I'll change myself so you can love meeeeee. I'm so sexy!!!!!!!
Joy: No you're not.
Glory: Nope.
Fatespeaker: Not even a little bit.
Tsunami: You're revolting, actually.
Peril: It's gross to look at.
Kinkajou: Even your inner beauty is ugly.
Carnelian: Even when I was straight, I still would've kissed every girl in Pyrrhia over you.
Moon: I don't think plastic surgery could even help you at this point.
Air: Cas saw your true form, and he still thinks you're hideous.
Seashell: You need to start over with a new face.
Macaw:......You've closed your heart no worries, I have the keeeeeyyyyyyy
Macaw: For you I cross the seas. Cause I'll change myself so you can love meeeeeeeeee! I'm so sexy!
Macaw: You've closed your heart for you I'll eat eleven beeeeeeeees! Now ready to purse your love!
Joy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
All: aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Joy: MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER!!!!
Joy: *smashes him in the face with a frying pan*
Starflight: Damn right, monster.
Fatespeaker: Starflight, you should ease off the cocaine.
Starflight: NO, I LIKE THE COCAINE!
Umber: And, Joy, you'll thank me later, kay?
Joy: For wha-
Umber: Macaw! You're gay now!
Macaw:........
Macaw: Hi Rainkeeper.
Rainkeeper:......Oh fuck no.
Macaw: Oh yessss. *waggles eyebrows*
Air: *clicks on the music*
Rainkeeper: Fuck this shit, I'm out.
Joy: Mmmmm hmmmmm
Rainkeeper: Fuck this shit I'm out, NO THANKS!
Rainkeeper: Don't mind me, Imma just grab my stuff and leave, excuse me please, fuck this shit I'm out!
Nightflyer: Nope!
Rainkeeper: Fuck this shit I'm out, alright then, I don't know what the fuck just happened, but I don't really care, I'mm get the fuck up out here
Rainkeeper: FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT!
Rainkeeper: *leaves*