Sorry again this chapter is late. It's still crazy going back to work and I'm gonna have training for the next two weeks so just bare with me!
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It was around the late afternoon when Dana left. I didn't want her to, but she couldn't stay here forever with me.
After a lot of deep thinking and encouragement from Dana, I decided I'm going to talk to Jungkook today. He's at work right now, so it'll have to wait until he gets home, but I think it's better to just do it now and get it over with rather than wait. I'm not saying he's gonna give me a hard time, but if I let him stay and he continued to slack off like he's been doing, I can't handle that. And quite honestly, I shouldn't have to. I'm getting ready for school and I shouldn't have to babysit a grown man.
I'm a little nervous, but I have to do this. And I think I've been more than generous to him. If I ask him to leave, it's only fair that he actually does.
At least I have a few hours of alone time to relax so that I can get my thoughts together and lay down and not have to do anything until he gets home.
~
I was at full relaxation by the time Jungkook came back from work. I was sitting on the couch with a blanket and a cup of tea while watching Disney movies.
When he came home I greeted him, as per usual, and told him I wanted to talk to him when he was done getting changed and settled. He had just gotten back from work so I wasn't going to just attack him the second he walked into the door.
When he was done changing he came to sit next to me on the couch.
"What's up? Are you okay?" He asked concerned. I turned down the tv to a volume that wouldn't distract either one of us. I turn to look at him.
"Yeah I'm fine, but I did want to talk to you about something."
"What is it?"
"Jungkook." I start and put my tea down on the coffee table next to where I'm sitting on the couch. He looks at me and I can tell his full attention was on me. "I love having you here, trust me, I do. But I think it's time you either move back in with Jimin or start looking for your own place." I start by saying. There was no point in beating around the bush, I just had to say it.
"Okay, I think you're right."
"Really?" I question. I knew he wasn't going to give me a hard time about it, but I was still surprised he understood the reality of the situation right away.
"Yeah. I mean you let me stay here for months, asking for little to nothing in return. You helped me when I needed it and now I'm in a much better position than I am in now."
"I completely agree. And I'm so glad you understand that. I didn't mind letting you stay here, but things got really messy and too much for me to handle." My eyes start to gloss up. I know I'm not gonna full on cry like I did yesterday, but it's a bittersweet moment. I love him with all my heart. And I couldn't let anything jeopardize the amazing friendship we already had, although I was slightly scared that the miscarriage had already made an impact on that.
He puts his hand on my thigh to rub it.
"It did. I didn't anticipate anything like this to happen. I'm sorry, Maddy."
"Hey. I'm sorry, too. It wasn't anyone's fault, things happen. And speaking of, as much as it sucks to say this, I think we should stop... fooling around." It was harder than I thought to get the words out.
He sighs.
"Yeah, it does suck. But I agree. I love you so much, Maddy I don't want to lose you as a friend. Not over something like this or anything else. I don't know how I'm going to manage, but I'll try." He chuckles lightly.
"I know. I don't know how I'll manage either, to be honest. We've been doing this for three years, can you believe it?" I question reminiscing on the past. It's true. We've been having sex literally since the day he turned 18. I'm a couple months older than him and we've fooled around before that, but we wanted to wait until we were both 18 to have sex. We trusted each other, but we still wanted to wait. I'm 21 and he'll also be 21 in a few weeks. It's crazy to think that we've been doing this for that long. It was fine when we started. Just two stupid teenagers doing it for fun, but now it's a lot more complicated. I never in a million years thought something like this would happen.
"That's crazy. It's like the end of an era." He chuckles, but more of a sad chuckle.
We look at each other for a few seconds. I wanted to bust out and cry. I didn't, I managed to keep most of it in. But this is what we agreed on. If one of us met someone or it got too much, we would go back to being strictly platonic friends, no more sex. It sucks. Honestly it fucking sucks. But that's what we agreed on.
"And it's not even like we can do it one last time, like to go out with a bang, literally. The doctor says I can't." I look at him with a jokingly, but also pained expression.
He laughs and squeezes my thigh.
"That's okay. I don't want to hurt you. We've done it enough to last us for a while. I'll survive." He smiles.
He's being so mature about this whole thing. Not just the no more sex thing, but everything. I was relieved. I'm so glad he didn't act like a child or was oblivious to everything, that would have made it so much harder.
"I'll go make dinner. Just keep relaxing." He says and pats my thigh before getting off the couch. I nod. Boy, I'm sure going to miss this, him actually cooking.
~
I was laying down in my bed, trying to relax enough to go to sleep. It was a little late for me to be up usually, since I'm sleeping by myself and not with Jungkook. He volunteered to continue to sleep in the guest bedroom so I can have my space. I was a little hurt at first and was terrified that the miscarriage really made him not want to sleep in the same room as me, but then I realized he only did it for me and something like that would never happen. I'm sure he doesn't want to sleep alone in there, but it was nice of him to do so.
I was scrolling on my phone, but wasn't tired in the slightest, despite it being pretty late. Maybe some tea could help me relax.
I push the covers off of me and hop out of bed.
As I walk to the living room, I hear the noise of the tv in the background.
Is Jungkook up? It's late for the both of us to be up.
As I walk into the living room, I see Jungkook. His face is lightly illuminated by the tv and he's laying down with a blanket draped over him.
"Hey, what are you doing up?"
"I can't sleep." I sigh.
"Yeah, me neither. Come lay down with me?" He asks softly.
I smile and walk towards him. He lifts the blanket off of him, inviting me to lay down in front of him so that my back is up against his chest and his back is against the couch. Both of our heads are resting on the arm of the chair and his arm is draped around my waist.
I get comfortable immediately. His body heat is radiating off of his to mine and I just feel comforted by his embrace.
"How are you feeling?" He whispers in my ear.
"I'm okay. I still feel a little weird, but I'm fine."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"No, it's okay. Thank you though."
We lay there, just feeling each other's presence. I was starting to get a little upset. Because this can't be an every night thing anymore. I mean, it can. If he comes to my place or I go to his, but it won't be the same. And this won't follow sex anymore. It's stupid to be upset over something like not having sex, but I felt close to him that way. My deep, yet sad thoughts were interrupted when he talks into my ear.
"I'll talk to Jimin tomorrow, to see if I can move back in and I'll take it from there."
My heart sunk.
I knew he was going to move out. He has to and I know it. But now it's slowly becoming a reality.
"Okay, that sounds like a good idea." I say, half sleepy, half sadly.
At this point, I was tired. Tired enough to go to sleep but I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to leave his warm embrace. I couldn't be bothered to go to my bed. I could tell he was getting tired, too, but didn't make an effort to get up.
I could've sworn I heard him say something right before I fell asleep, but I was slipping into a such a deep sleep and I couldn't quite make out what he was saying.
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Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! I'll be adding another member of BTS in this story within the next few chapters, any guesses on who it could be and what role they'll play? (Given, there's only three more members left that haven't made an appearance in this story.) But I wanna know what everyone thinks!