TWENTIETH CHAPTER WOOHOO LETS CELEBRATE AND 100 reads? That's amazing may not be a lot but I feel like this is coming along and I can't thank you enough if you read this! I love youu.
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Ashton-
She just kept smiling at me even when she saw me just break down.
I felt pathetic sitting there being upset the whole day when it was my fault that I didn't get to go.
I mean I always had next Saturday to go and the one after that but I feel like my time is running out and what if next time I go she doesn't remember me not even the slightest chance.
After making her breakfast I drove her to her car and she went home.
While I sat the entire day going through her stuff in my spare bedroom.
Picking up old jewelry of hers she left.
I felt like I was invading in her personal space for her to catch me going through it and yell at me for it.
But that wasn't going to happen and she wasn't going to come home I already accepted the fact.
I mean technically I'm a grown man so I need my own house but she's not home even if she didn't have Alzheimer's and lived in a different house she would at least technically be home but now she was stuck in another state with other old people in an old mansion surrounded by woods.
I would definitley not call that home but she is going through stuff and I am too and she needs to be where she is now I know that.
But when my dad hasn't called or anything considering the way he's left things at heart with me.
That's not something I want to look up to if I ever have a son I'll be proud to have a son and hopefully I'll make him proud of me in every way and be a role model.
But with my father it was the exact opposite I don't want to be the kind of man to sleep with different women every night at strip clubs while my wife stays at home all night crying.
That's not who I want to be at all not even close.
Ms.Lancaster though had her mind set on putting the good on me.
She was gonna crack open my head and examine everything I know it and I'm just going to let her do it.
She had me wrapped around her finger and had me in control.
When that usually isn't the scenario but I'm gonna let whatever she's doing play out and see how it goes.
I've never really had someone be there for a while in my life and actually make me happy.
Everyone that has done that has either left or I've left them behind that's the way things are.
I always wondered what's happened to the rest of the 5 seconds of summer group.
No one bothered to call me when I left or anything I guess things got good for them I don't know.
Why am I complaining so much?
I have some good things going for me.
I had a beautiful incredible girl who is fixing me in ways I can't put into words making me a better man.
I have this amazing job I've worked so hard to get to where I am today making it the only really good thing I've accomplished.
Oh wait by being with her means I could definitely lose my job in a second.
I mean the thought has come to my head a bunch of times.
Can't help but to think what exactly is this going to turn into or what if someone found out.
Both things are equally terrifying.
Making myself completley vulnerable to someone I only met must a few weeks ago.
I would be labeled as insane in an doctors eyes.
I wondered if she is thinking of what I am right now.
I hate that little voice in my head who keeps telling me how nothing good could come out of any of this when all that it's made me is smile and actually enjoy wherever my retched life is taking me.
Ms.Lancaster never was good at showing up on time she even made a point to it to show me up in front of my students knowing I won't embarrass her.
In class she was the one who made smart comments gaining the attention she apparently didn't want.
Just like I told her if she wanted it she could have it and that's what was happening.
I opened her up to new things and things she didn't know about life and she's come a long way.
Even if a long way basically means smarting off at every teacher and disrupting class every chance she gets .
It's still making up her time for her being in that little bubble of hers for all those years.
I looked up out of my thoughts staring at her while she worked in her group she was getting agitated with the guys in her group her left eye twitching a little before turning to me scowling at me.
I just shook my head a little laughing before turning my head back in my book.