Mr.Irwin (a.i)

Twenty One

Layla-

It's been about a week since that Saturday at Ashton's.

I still don't know why he freaked out over something like that.

I wasn't going to push it though it really wasn't any of my business to begin with I know that.

If he wanted to come to me then he would but so far he hasn't.

Today was Saturday but I was in no shape to actually go to work.My mom had gotten to the point where she locks herself in her room downing pills with alcohol while she sleeps the whole day.

Danielle has been having to take care of Cameron.I don't even know how exactly that worked out, but I came home every afternoon with them in the living room surrounded by toys and chip bags thrown open.

I was not gonna leave them by themselves I just can't get it though my head how someone can just do that.

I went in front of her bedroom door standing outside of it knocking a few times.

I sighed before trying the knob twisting a few times.

Nothing.

Kicking the door shouting.

"I hope you know damn well once I turn 18 were leaving and you will be here to rot by yourself alone."

I groaned in frustration before hitting the door one more time.some of the things I said was harsh but she deserved it.i know that if I ever have children I will never shut them out to take care of themselves are you kidding me this wasn't some survival show of the fittest this was real life she needs to get over dad and get on with her life.

They didn't always act the best yes but that's cause they have no one to parent them for gods sake I feel at fault here because I am the one who's the closest to a motherly image and I've been a brat to them because I was selfish.

I walked downstairs before going into the living room collapsing on the couch watching them hit Eachother in the head with various toys.

I rubbed my head I had the worst absolute headache. Everything was getting too much.

I might be getting suspended thanks to my last period teacher with the argument we had on friday.

I sat three years knowing her and never stood up and voiced my opinion. When I finally did I was wrong of course me being always wrong seems to be a big trend for me.

She would simply pick on the kids in the class just because her life at home was proably shit.

I don't know if I'm going to get suspended but I don't really care I kinda need the days to take care of the kids.

If I don't then im gonna just have to take a few days off or something cause I don't know who else could watch them.

My grandparents who are my dads parents live a few towns over and it's not like we have actually really talked to them since he died. Except maybe two or three visits over the past years.

Past week has been horrible utterly horrible and I have no one else except myself to blame for that.

I haven't seen or heard of Colton since the dance which still leaves questions dancing in my mind.

Did he do something if he did why probably not and If he did I don't care I didn't have time to worry over something as petty as that.

I doubted it for sure but you can never be sure people will take your weaknesses and use them aganist you in an instant and there's nothing you can do about it but sit there and watch that person tear everything you love to shreds.

Life pretty much sucks doesn't it.

I don't think it's really life that sucks it's the people in your life that make it shit for you.

The only good thing I actually had in my life at the moment was ashton.

I had so many different emotions about him.

First he was just not going fully in and I'm not stupid I think I know why.

I'm not asking him to quit his job or anything close to that but if he's going to keep making plans with me making me feel things I've never felt before.

Then he needs to open up to me more.

I'm an open book he could read what he wants.

He just hasn't bothered to ask anything or really try to get behind my walls like I was desperately trying to do with him.

He just confuses the hell out of me.

My plan is still in contact as soon as I graduate I'm taking them from my mom and leaving.

I don't know if he was thinking the same as I was.

But maybe after I get out of that school maybe just maybe he'd be an open book to me.

He was obviously holding back because of something and that might be just it.

He was scared and I'm definitely scared too.

But what is going to happen after all this really.

All the questions clouding in my head pulled me into a deep concentration that I was seemingly stuck to be set in for the rest of my life if the things Didn't change.

I had to make a change for everyone for myself.