~ Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainity. Enjoy the period of becoming. Because when nothing is certain, anything is possible.~
Neil was sitting in his cabin going through some files when the door barged open, revealing Nandini, who stood fidgeting with her fingers in front of him. Neil smiled, he had been expecting her.
"Nandini? Hey. Come in, sit", Neil welcomed her warmly and Nandini forced a smile.
" It might sound cliche, but I was expecting you, infact just thinking about you", Neil laughed and Nandini initially furrowed her eyebrows before finally bursting into laughter.
"Why the hell do I forget that my friend is now an astrologer too, and can read me like anything?", Nandini mumbled, sacrsatically and Neil gave her a proud expression, unbothered.
" So?", Neil questioned, as he didn't like beating around the bush.
Nandini sighed, her fingers playing with the end of her dupatta and her eyes filling with tears slowly.
"Neil, I am confused.", Nandini spoke, waiting for him to ask something but Neil didn't speak, instead gestured her to continue speaking whatever was in her mind.
" Neil, Manik is a gem, more than a gem basically. He is so different from any of them men I have known, he is so different from him. Though I loved him too, he was my f-father, but still, Manik", all her nervousness disappeared and a smile adorned her face, " he is so good to me Neil. He cares for me like anything and loves me so much that I forget everything else in his embrace. I love him too, I love him like anything. Before him, I never understood why people said they couldn't breath without their beloved, but now, even I can't stand the thought of him being away from me, even for a day. He is my life, no much more than that, he is everything to me. God! I can't believe I am talking like a teenage girl but this is what he has done to me", Nandini blabbered initially, and later cursed herself as she realized she was making no sense whatsoever. She looked up to find Neil smiling at her, his eyes twinkling.
"What?", She snapped and he raised his hands in surrender.
" Yaar Nandini, I love this Manik's beloved version of yours more than this snappy one.", Neil whispered tongue in check, all ready to face her anger, but instead, found her blushing.
Love and it's weird ways!
"Okay, but I don't think you come to me to confess your undying love for your own husband?", Neil raised an eyebrow and the question brought her back to earth. Right, she had not come here for that.
" Yeah, I c-came f-for", she fumbled as Neil looked up at her concerned. Nandini didn't fumble ever.
" What's wrong Nandini?", Neil asked, concerned and Nandini took a deep breath, before looking back at him, with eyes glistening.
"I love him Neil, and that's the reason I don't want to hurt him anymore. I never knew that my emotional incapabilities are that disturbing, otherwise I would not have married him. He deserves someone who would cherish him, who would treat him the way he deserves. I-i don't know if I can love someone that way, the way he deserves to be loved....", Nandini trailed off, her voice now betraying her, and tears that she tried so hard to hold back, rolled down her chubby cheeks. Neil shook his head, both of them were crazy. He knew he had to play the wrong way now, only that would put some sense in her head.
" You are right Nandu. Manik does deserve someone who would love him unconditionally. But What are you implying Nandini? What do you wanna do? You want to leave him? Divorce him?", Neil asked with a straight face, only to meet horror in her eyes.
Nandini flinched on hearing Neil.
Divorce?
Would she be able to do that? But wasn't that the same thing she was talking about? If she wasn't the one whom he deserves, she definately would have to leave him.
But why did the thought pained her this way?
What was this sudden ache in her chest, suffocating her?
Nandini got up from the chair and stood up, taking deep breaths now.
" D-divorce?", She whispered to herself, a sob escaped her lips, and she took two steps back hurriedly, stumbling and collided with the couch kept on the side. Like a hurricane it hit her, the feeling of emptiness, what will she do without him?
A series of flashes crossed her mind, the white shirt cladded Manik she had met in the library, the cheesy grin when he met her at his house, the book discussions they have had, the way he proposed her, their marriage days, the beach nights, the silent suport he lended her endlessly, how was she going to survive without him?
Neil watched her face, the various emotions etched there so clearly. It hurt him to pain her this way, but it was important he knew. Every five seconds though, he turned to watch the curtain behind her, how much more would that curtain will be able to resist?
With trembling hands, Nandini clutched her handbag tightly, for a second it seemed to her that holding it tight will keep Manik bound to her too. And with that the realization dawned on her. No matter how flawed she was, there was no survival without Manik. If Nandini had to live, Manik had to be with her. No other way existed.
"No! Nooo!", A shrill screamed escaped her lips, as she felt weak on her knees. Her mind was playing games with her, subconsciously she saw Manik walking away from her and hence she screamed, to stop him, she would even beg him if needed, but she couldn't let him go, ever.
But before she could fall down, a pair of arms grabbed her, and held her steadily, her head now resting on his chest. A very familiar pair of arms, the touch she could recognize in a billion people.
"I am here love, I am with you", his soothing wishpers calmed her down, all her mental images flew out of the window. She turned to look at him, at her Manik, who was smiling with tears in his eyes.
" Manik!", A sob escaped her frail lips as she hugged him tightly, both falling down on the ground, but Manik held her, mumbling something incoherant to her, but kissing her hairs repeatedly.
A few minutes later, both of them calmed down, and Manik wiped off her tears, while she simultaneously dried his face. A small yet content smile broke on his face, bringing a reflex one on hers.
"Uhhhh", Neil fake coughed, to grab their attention. He didn't want to witness a steamy make out scene in his cabin. Manik laughed at his acting, and Nandini went red, before standing up. Neil walked towards them, and held Nandini's hand in his.
"Nandini, maybe you did not realize but you are already over that phase of your life girl. Or why else would you sit here, telling me how different Manik was? You have understood deep in your heart, that your appa and Manik are two different people, two different personalities. You say he deserves someone better, but you yourself know that you love him more than anything. Otherwise, even after knowing that you love him that mad way, you won't come to me for him, for his better life. Everything in life has its own importance Nandu. Maybe appa was necessary for you to know how different he is from him and adore him life long. Maybe amma's struggle was necessary for you to see that life can be both ways, hell and heaven on this same earth. And now, your hell is gone, replaced by heaven. There is nothing beautiful than this, isn't it?", Neil spoke and Nandini looked at him in awe. No wonder he was so successful as a psychiatrist. With this came the understanding that all this was planned by Neil and he deliberately said everything.
So before he could react, Nandini took her handbag and hit him on his head.
"Ouch!", Neil shouted, "mad women!", He rubbed his head to soothe the pain.
"Why the hell you did that to me?", Neil witnessed the return of snappy Nandini and flinched in fear.
"Now it is not my fault that I know you so well, nor that you are so predictable", Neil answered dotching another handbag attack from her and ran out of his own cabin, leaving a furious Nandini and giggling Manik behind.
In the calm of the cabin, when Nandini turned, she found him already staring at her. He turned and brought a covered jar from behind the sofa.
"Someone had once told me nandini that fireflies represent hope. And this is a jar of fireflies I am gifting you today, just to let you know that, however and whatever the circumstances might be there always will be a hope for us. Always", he smiled as he gave her the jar.
Nandini had a dreamy smile on her face as she took it with her. Finally today, she had faith in hope, something that she had been avoiding all her life. And with that jar she kissed, she knew that all the darker grey in her life had been lightened. It might not be completely white, and it might never be, but it was lightest grey now, maybe close enough to off white and that was enough for her to live and love.
She stood on her toes as she kissed the forehead of the man who ruled her heart, as a silent promise of being for him, forever while the way he gripped her waist tightly, as he pulled her closer told her that he too, promised the same to her.
___________________________________
So finally, she is free of her boundaries. Maybe not entirely, but most of it.
Phew! How was it?🙈🙈
One more chapter to go. Till then enjoy!