Italic - inner monologue
bold - past
bold italic - dream
Chapter thirty-five - URBANISM
March 29, 2016
Justin ran off the elevator and straight for the waiting room. He was still in a blue gown the hospital provided with a blue cap over his head. A few relatives were waiting for him to appear with the news. His eyes focused in on Solange, Lynn, Paul, Tina, Matthew and Daniel who were talking with each other. They all slowly looked in his direction; their expressions changing immediately.
"You're bleeding!" Daniel shouted.
"It's not..." He paused, shaking his head. He was so overwhelmed and could hardly talk.
"Is everything okay, Justin?" Solange asked while approaching him. She was too afraid to ask from the look on his face. He even had tears in his eyes. "Oh my god." She covered her mouth in distraught. "Is she okay?" He shook his head no, a tear falling down his cheek. "No. Nooooo." Solange broke down; her crying echoing throughout the room.
They were the only people in the waiting room since it was four in the morning. Beyoncé had been in labor for fifteen hours and finally gave birth to their son. But she immediately went into cardiac arrest on the operating table during the caesarean procedure. "I don't know what happened." He spoke hoarsely. "I can't...I can't believe it."
Tina was the second to cry out. "My baby..." She ran straight for the elevators.
Justin shot up, breathing heavily. He looked around the dimmed room; his heart pounding erratically.
A dream. A horrible dream. "Fuck." He ran his hand over his face. It felt so real. So devastating.
He slowly looked to his left to see his wife laying beside him sleeping peacefully. Just the site of her brought tears to his eyes. The dream felt so real that it made him realize how fortunate he was to have her. "Bee..." He slid closer, wrapping his arm around her. "I love you." She fluttered her eyes open the second she felt his lips on her forehead. "I love you so much."
"Justin?" He pulled back to peer in her eyes. She observed his expression, finally noticing the tears in his eyes. "Hey." She reached out to touch his face. "Baby, you okay?" He shook his head no.
"I just had a bad dream. A really bad one." She could hear the hurt in his voice. "I dreamt that you died. During birth." She carefully sat up, reaching over to turn on the lamp. He rolled over on his back, looking directly up at the ceiling. "It seemed so real. I...I was at the hospital. We all were. Your sister. Our parents...Daniel. I came out still in the scrubs they give you to wear. I was covered in your blood and..." He shut his eyes, forcing the tears back. He hadn't gotten this emotional in a very long time. "Your heart stopped and the doctors kicked me out of the room. They wouldn't let me stay." She sat there nearly in tears. "So I went down to the waiting room to tell your...to tell our family." He paused, sighing heavily. "It was just...it was horrible. It felt so real." He looked up to his left to stare at her. "You're due any day now. It scares the shit out of me. What if that dream is trying to tell me something?"
"Nothing's gonna happen to me." She watched him place his hand on her big belly. "I promise. I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't wanna lose you. I wouldn't know what to do. I'd be lost without you. We've known each other since we were teenagers. We basically grew up together. You're my best friend. I'm nothing without you. Losing you would be like..." She reached out, running her hand over his messy hair.
"Baby, I will be fine. I promise."
"Anything can happen though. You have no control of that. Even the doctor said you've gained a lot of weight. Your pregnancy is a high risk...whatever that means."
"I'm being induced the ending of this week if he doesn't come on his own. Everything will be fine. You won't be able to get rid of me that easily." He sat up, propping himself up on his elbow and leaned over, planting a kiss on her belly. "You should go back to sleep. Don't let some dream get you so worked up. It's just a dream."
"Sometimes dreams are like...premonitions. I've had a few of them and then years or even less than that...it happens. It's like deja vu."
"Sure." She spoke teasingly.
"I'm serious. I dreamt when I was...sixteen that I would meet a very pretty black woman while I was ON TOUR one day." She broke out laughing. "Ahaha. I'm serious. That black woman was you. We met and I fell hard."
"Your dick got hard. That's all." She laid back as he carefully climbed on top of her, making sure not to rub up against her belly.
"It did get hard. It's even hard now but that doesn't matter, now does it? It's not like I can use it."
"You sure?" She bit her lip teasingly. "Can I suck it? I miss that." He shook his head no. "Why not?"
"You know why not." He leaned in, pecking her on the lips. "You make me cum so hard and then I want more. But I can't have more." She moaned softly between his lips.
"Just let me make you feel good. Just this once." She kissed his neck, biting the area gently. "Please." He could feel her hand in his boxers, groping his manhood which happened to be semi-hard. "Look at that."
"Okay." He couldn't fight it. He laid back on the bed, yanking his boxers down.
"Yay!" She loved making him feel good in this way. She even got excited right before she gave him a blow job which he thought was hilarious.
He propped his hands behind his head for support as she went down on him, not wasting any time. "Oh my god." He shut his eyes, moaning softly. Why was she so damn good at this? And it felt extremely better after a hiatus for some reason.
"Poor baby. You're backed up, aren't you?"
"Extremely." He groaned deeply. "Fuck." He reached down, resting his hand on the back of her head as she picked up her speed.
___________
"Shit." Less than five minutes later, he was releasing his seed all over the bed. Whenever he was backed up, his semen seemed to shoot out like a water gun. "Fuck." It felt like heaven. His body was tingly all over and he felt so relieved. "Thank you. Fuck, that was great." He was grinning from ear to ear now.
"I can tell." She felt a sudden sharp pain in her lower abdomen. "Shit." She hunched over, holding the area in awe. She had no idea where it came from. "Whoa."
"You okay?" He quickly sat up, examining her closely.
"Yes. I...I think so. I just felt a pain." She scooted up, resting her back against the mountain of pillows. "I'm sure it's nothing."
"See. THIS is what I'm talking about. Whenever we engaged in any type of sexual activity, you're getting labor contractions. That's it. No more blow jobs until after you have the baby." She flashed him an hilarious look.
"You really think it was the blow job? That's ridiculous." She laid back more comfortably. "I'm going to bed." She shut her eyes but then immediately opened them when she realized something. "Shit. We have to change the sheets."
"No duh." He spoke teasingly. "You made me cum all over the bed."
Hours later (March 29, 2016) - 9:33am
"Oh my god." Beyoncé chewed on a mini cinnamon roll. She got this big rush of flavor in her mouth. The taste of cinnamon and butter. This was what she loved about her mother. She was always baking and cooking hearty meals.
Tina, Matthew, Solange and Daniel were living with them temporarily until she gave birth. Which was any day now. "You better stop that." Tina grabbed the tray of rolls from out of her reach. "This is dessert. Breakfast is done. Why don't you help me make the plates."
"Okay. I'm starving though. Can I have one more?" She shook her head no.
"Breakfast first. THEN dessert."
"But I'm pregnant. You should make an exception. Your grandson wants another one. Are you gonna say no to him?"
"Bee, you know better than that." Solange spoke from the table. She sat next to Daniel drawing on a big paper with him. "Momma made no exceptions when I was pregnant with Daniel. Even with the second pregnancy. So nice try."
"But that's so wrong."
"No it's not. I gotta make sure you feed that baby the right way. No junk all the time. You eat breakfast and then you can have another roll."
Justin stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel from off the wall and wrapping it around his waist. He stood in front of the foggy mirror, using his hand to wipe at it. It was nothing better than waking up with the help of a nice hot shower.
As he stood there brushing his teeth, he couldn't help but think about the two dreams he had last night. The first one was about his wife and her dying during birth. Then the second one was the most uncomfortable dream he had in a very long time. He dreamt that he was in the middle of having sex with Beyoncé but when he pulled back to gaze at her, it was Solange.
When he made it downstairs and to the kitchen, he immediately noticed Solange and Daniel sitting at the table drawing. He quickly stepped back, concealing himself behind the wall. This was going to be very awkward. His dreams always felt so real so being in her presence would feel so weird.
He had to get a grip of himself. It was only a dream.
He forced a smile on his face as he entered the spacious kitchen. "Good morning. Morning, everyone." They all responded in unison. "Something smells so delicious."
"That's my momma's food." Solange spoke proudly. "Bee is making the plates now." He didn't even look in her direction. And this was intentional. Until he was over this immature faze, he was going to behave that way.
"I love you." Beyoncé spoke softly in Justin's ear. His thrusts slowly came to a halt as he pulled back to gaze into her brown eyes.
"I love..." He paused, his heart skipping a beat. This wasn't his wife. But he knew her very well. "So...Solange?"
"Have a seat. I'll bring your plate." He hesitated. All he wanted was to be next to her and far away from Solange. He told himself to act normal but this wasn't acting normal.
"Okay." He turned, making his way towards the table. "Danny!!!" He pulled out a chair next to him, taking a seat. "What are you drawing?"
"My family." He looked down to gaze at the colorful drawing. "This is you, me, mommy and auntie. And this is OUR house." He pointed to a two-story looking house on green grass with a big sun in the back drawn with a happy face.
"That looks nice, Danny. But tell me something. Why is the sun smiling?" He spoke humorously. "I've NEVER seen a sun smile before."
"Because...um..." He paused, thinking really hard. Solange reached over to hit him on the arm.
"Stop teasing him."
"What?" He asked, meeting her gaze. This was the first time he gave her eye contact since he showed up. "I'm just curious. Geez." He laughed faintly. "I'm joking with you, Daniel. Just ignore me. I like the drawing, personally. It's nice."
"Thank you. I'm gonna put it on my wall in my room."
"Here you go." Beyoncé sat a plate of food in front of Justin and Daniel.
"Wow." He observed the plate of food. "Mama dukes hooked this up? Dayum!" He felt someone slap him on the back of his head. "Ow!!" He looked back to see Beyoncé standing behind him with two other plates in her hands. "Jesus Christ. What the hell was that for?"
"Language!" Solange pointed out. "And yes." She raised her hand up, smacking palms with Beyoncé. "Thank you SO much for that. It was well over due." He flashed the two a confused look.
"What the hell. You're thanking her for hitting me?"
"Yes. Apparently, you've lost your mind. You should know better than to call MY momma that."
"What?" Beyoncé finished sitting the plates of food on the table, finally taking her seat across from him next to Solange. "What am I missing?"
"Do you even know what mama dukes mean?" He sat there still dumb founded.
"Uhhh not really. I've heard it before but..."
"You are..." She looked over at Beyoncé. "Please hit him again. If you don't, I will. And I'm gonna make sure he feels it."
"Solo..." She couldn't help but laugh at her. "Justin, you need to know the meaning of words before you use them. That's like calling me a nigga and acting ignorant about it."
"Well please, school me. What does it mean? Is it something derogatory? Because if it is, I apologize." He stood up, placing his hands together while bowing down to Tina. "I'm so sorry, Tina."
"You better be. My momma ain't no ghetto mom, okay?" Solange replied. "Now sit your white ass down and eat your food." He raised his eyebrows at her. For some reason, he wasn't too surprised to hear something like this from her. She had no filter whatsoever.
"I will, your majesty. Just please don't hit me." He teased while sitting down. "Jesus." He grabbed his empty glass, realizing nothing was in it. "Uhhh what are we drinking? Air?" The look Beyoncé gave him made him cringe. "Sorry. I'll grab some orange juice. Just...chillax."
Later on
Justin pulled up in front of a building, shutting off his car. "Uncle J. What's this?" Daniel sat in the front passenger's side pointing to a rolled up blunt sitting in the ash tray compartment.
"That's uhhh herbal medicine. Come on. Don't forget the bag." The little boy got out of the car with a GO GREEN shopping bag full of items. "I'll carry that. You can carry this." He handed him a notebook.
"What's in this? Is it drawings too?"
"No. It's actually lyrics. Songs. I'm gonna introduce you to a very intelligent man. He's waiting for us in there." He pointed to the studio building. "This is where we make magic."
"Magic? Like a magician?" He laughed in response.
"Sorta. But in a different way."
The two entered the building, proceeding pass the lobby desk and down the hall towards the elevators. "Hi." A woman walking in their direction greeted him with a smile.
"How are you?" He walked pass her, proceeding towards the elevators.
"That lady looks just like my auntie." He halted in front of the elevators, reaching out to press the third floor button.
"You think so?" He happened to look away to notice the same woman hawking him down. She stood at the lobby desk talking with the receptionist with this grin on her face. He watched her wave once more at him. "I think she likes you, uncle J." The double doors finally slid open and the two stepped inside.
"Daniel, you're gonna probably learn this the hard way because come that time...you'll forget what I tell you. There's A LOT of beautiful women in this world. Some of them are angels and some aren't. You need to stay away from the bad girls. They're only here to cause trouble. That woman you just saw KNOWS I'm married to your aunt. This ring here represents my commitment to her." He pointed to his wedding band. "She saw it but did she care? If I was stupid, all I have to do is go out there and ask her out. Let's remember I'm married. I can ruin everything within the blink of an eye." The doors slid open. "We're here."
"So you can't be married to another woman at the same time?"
"Hell no. Your aunt would kill me. I'm not saying that it's not possible. Some religions, one guy IS married to more than one woman at the same time. But being that I'm a Christian, I don't practice that. Although, it would be nice. BUT don't tell your aunt I said that."
"Ha-haha. I won't tell her. Promise."
"Honestly, your aunt is more than I can handle. Especially since she's..." He gestured a pregnant sign. "Beware."
"I can't wait to see my cousin. We can play together."
"That's gonna be a lot of fun, huh?" He stopped in front of a door and knocked.
__________
10:43pm
Justin finally made it back home. He carried the sleeping Daniel inside and upstairs to his room but the door was locked. "Solange?" He knocked three times.
Moments later, the door crept open and Solange peered out. "Hey." She looked back as if she was staring at someone.
"Sorry I'm late. I know I promised to be back by ten but we were into this track and..."
"It's okay." She cut him off. "Um, I need a favor. You think Daniel can sleep with you and Bee tonight?" He returned a questioning look. That was when his curiosity started to kick in. She only had the door cracked so he could ONLY see a partial amount of her face and body. Was there someone else in the room with her?
"Where is he supposed to sleep?"
"With you and Bee. I would tell you to put him in one of the guest rooms but he won't sleep by himself. He has nightmares. Justin, please. I just need this one favor. I won't ask you again. Please." He tried looking over her shoulder and inside the dimmed room.
"Who's in there with you?" He asked, meeting her gaze. "Is it a guy in there?"
"Justin..." A smile slowly formed upon his lips.
"Ah sookie sookie now. Somebody's finally gonna get laid." He whispered. "Okay. I'll watch Daniel tonight but you owe me."
"Thank you." He turned, carrying him down the hall to his room. When he made it to the room, he saw his wife laying in bed eating from a carton of ice cream.
"Hey."
"Hey." She watched him carefully lay Daniel on his side of the bed. "What's going on?"
"Looks like your sister is finally gonna get dicked down tonight. So I offered to watch Daniel." He lied. "I'll sleep on the sofa." He removed his sneakers, covering him with the blanket. "I'm gonna hop in the shower."
"Justin..." She covered her mouth, trying so hard not to laugh. "I swear, you've been hearing these phrases from your homeboys and now you are using them but in the wrong way. Sweetie, dicked down means someone who is sprung. Someone who knows how to use his..." She paused, cupping her mouth with her hands. "...penis well." She whispered.
"Ohhhh. Someone like me?"
"You are very conceited too. Wow."
"I am. I agree but I can back my words up. You, sexy lady will be getting dicked down after you have this baby."
"Still using it in the wrong way."
"I don't care. That's my definition of it." He winked on his way to the bathroom.
Six months later (June 19, 2013)
After Solange left six months ago, she would only call every few months to check up on Daniel. They hadn't seen her since that night she left in December days after Christmas.
But everything was going to change within minutes.
"You done?" Daniel stood on a step stool in front of the sink helping Justin wash dishes. "My dad taught me that the little things matter. Since your aunt cooked, WE can clean up. That's the least we can do, right?"
"Yes sir." He rinsed the plate, sitting it in the dish container. "Am I gonna see my mom again?"
"I'm sure you will. She just...she needs time to get herself together. It has nothing to do with you." They had no idea Solange admitted herself into rehab and that was where she was living for six months until she went into labor that night.
"Justin?" He looked back to gaze at Beyoncé who stood in the kitchen with the phone in her hand. Her expression made his heart flutter. She didn't seem a happy camper. "It's Solange."
"Mommy?" Daniel hopped off the stool and ran towards her. "Mommy!!!" He tried reaching up for the phone.
"No sweetie. She's not on the phone. You want to go see her?" He nodded quickly.
"Yes! Where's my mommy?"
The three hopped in the car and took a trip to the general hospital where Solange was in recovery after giving birth.
Justin, Beyoncé and Daniel entered the room with flowers and a teddy bear. Solange was laying in bed watching television when they appeared. Beyoncé was in tears immediately. She hadn't seen her sister in MONTHS. She had no idea where she was. There were so many emotions flowing throughout her body at the time. Anger. Sorrow.
She didn't know if she could ever forgive her for what she did. "Mommy!!!!" Daniel ran towards her.
"Hey, baby." He desperately climbed in bed with her.
"Danny, no." Justin attempted to grab him but Solange gestured him to stop.
"It's okay." He laid in her arms with his head on her chest. He was crying so loud. They were sure everyone could hear.
Seeing this made him a bit emotional. It actually made him even more angry.
"I miss you so much." She wept.
"He asked about you every day." Justin spoke up. She slowly lifted her head to meet his glossy gaze. "He cried every night. He kept asking where you were and I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want him to know the truth. How you left him. How you ABANDONED him."
"Justin..." Beyoncé grabbed his arm. She could tell he was getting angry from the tone in his voice.
"Please don't tell me to calm down. You were there. You know what he went through. Let's not pretend."
"I don't want you to." Solange joined the discussion. "I don't expect for you to forgive me. I don't expect for ANY of your forgiveness but I did what I had to do. I was going through a lot. You wouldn't have understood..."
"How the hell can you say that?!" He raised his voice. "You refused to tell us what was wrong. How were we supposed to help if we didn't know? You shut us out. ALL of us!"
"Stop yelling at my mommy!" Daniel screamed at him.
"Daniel..." She skimmed his back soothingly. "Don't talk to him like that, okay?" She peered in his eyes; a smile forming upon her lips. "You got big."
"Mommy, why are you in here? Are you sick?"
"Mentally...yes. Physically..." She shook her head no.
"What does that mean?"
"You're gonna really sit there and talk to him about that? That's just great. Tell him how you couldn't stop snorting cocaine. How it meant more to you than your own son. Tell him why you abandoned him." Beyoncé grabbed his arm, yanking him towards the door.
"Are you out of your mind? How dare you say something like that in front of him?" She pushed him outside and in the hall. "Justin, you're not the only person upset about this. I know what she did was wrong but she had her reasons. It's not like Daniel wasn't in good hands with us. We took care of him."
"Yeah? Well maybe it should stay that way. If she's not fit to be his mother, I WILL adopt him. I won't let her put him down anymore. He deserves better." She crossed her arms over her chest; her eyes building up with tears. "Bee, you were angry with her too. You couldn't stop talking about how you were gonna strangle her when you saw her. Now you're acting as if she didn't leave her son to fend for himself."
"She wouldn't have left him by himself. He WASN'T by himself. He was with us. Did you forget that, asshole?" He sighed heavily. "You need to relax. She just gave birth and if I can remember, she put the baby up for adoption. I can't even imagine what she's going through right now."
"Maybe it's for the best." She watched in shock as he turned and headed down the hall. "I'll be waiting in the car."
"Justin?" He ignored her as he proceeded down the hall. When she entered the room she saw Solange holding Daniel in tears. Sounds of distress escaped her lips as the two sat there reuniting after what seemed like an eternity.
She was so confused and didn't know what to do at this point. All she could do was stand there and watch them. But eventually, she was going to have to have a talk with her sister about what happened.
About what she did. About where she went. They had so much catching up to do.