June 1994
"I'm going to a barbeque at Ben's place," Jess explained to the person on the other end of the phone.
I watched my mother from across the kitchen, rolling back and forth on my red and blue plastic Tonka truck. The bumper made a thudding noise against the cupboard behind me. When the sound happened, my mother twitched.
"I'll be back before midnight. Ama is a well-behaved kid," she said with a smile. "Ben picked up Trevor earlier. One down, one to go." She laughed at her joke.
My truck hit the cupboard again.
She shot me an angry look.
"I'll drop her off tomorrow around four." She ended the conversation with the person, slamming the phone down. "Stop that. Go play in your room if you're going to be a pain in the ass." She waved away with her hand.
I dropped my knees to the kitchen floor, resting all of my weight on the toy, avoiding eye contact. "Who was that?"
"Rose and Parker, the new couple that moved in two houses down. You made an impression on them. The party at Ben's is for grown-ups only." She filled a pot with water, grabbing a box of Kraft Dinner from the cupboard.
"They offered to watch you if I ever needed it. She gave me their phone number. I thought I would see if they were serious about the offer." She picked up a half-smoke from the ashtray beside her, and leaning back against the counter, she lit it.
"Why can't I come? Please, Mommy." I wanted to be near her at all times, but she never seemed to feel the same.
She tapped the cigarette butt over the ashtray. "I already told you no!"
My mother took a step in my direction. I couldn't read her face - she could be hiding her anger. I needed to be prepared for anything.
Heart racing, hands trembling, I leaned back to get to my feet. With widened eyes, I backed against the wall.
"I told you, Pooh Bear, it's only for adults. Maybe next time." She turned toward the bathroom.
Chest muscles loosening, I kneeled to race my truck through the apartment into my room.
***
"Here, we got some toys for you to play with while you're here." Rose handed me a plastic bag filled with random Lego pieces.
"I'll be back around midnight." Jess looked over their living room quickly. She kissed my forehead, leaving the scent of tobacco on me before she patted my head, closing the door behind her.
"Do you like apple juice?" Rose asked. "I can get some. I think we have cookies, too."
"We could watch a movie? What do you think?" Parker suggested as he sat on the couch.
I paused in shock, trying to come up with an answer. "I would like a drink." I rose from the floor and wiped my outfit off.
"What movies do you have?" I joined Parker on the couch. He showed me the hidden cabinet in the coffee table where they kept their VHS tapes.
She grabbed juice for me and a bottle of water for her and Parker to share. "Here it is. I even gave you a straw."
When I raised my arm to grab the cup, my long sleeve slid down. She saw the blue and purple marks that were spotted up my arms.
Her face drained of colour. She placed the cup on the coffee table, turning back to face me. "What are these from?" She leaned in close. "I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. You can trust me."
I was petrified. Roses' low volume and intense tone suggested that something was wrong. But I couldn't figure out why she was so upset. Was I in trouble? What had I done? "I made my mom mad."
The answer left a look of utter disbelief on their faces.
"But it's okay because she is going to take my brother and me to the park on Saturday," I said. "We'll get ice cream and go swimming. I love my brother, but he's always at his dad's house."
For a while, the only noise came from the television. I could feel eyes on me, but I didn't care. The Legos made a high tower. The cars had no wheels, but they drove well over the carpeted floor and the bottom of the television stand.
I heard a noise. Almost like sobbing, but it was stifled so abruptly, I had no time to decipher it. I swivelled my head to face the couch where my babysitters had once sat - Parker had stood to follow rose. She was already turning into the hall by the time I cared to exit my fantasy world on the floor. A Lego-land where no one wanted to harm you, and everyone understood that people make mistakes, a place where no one got hurt or cried.
"No! This isn't right. We can't just send her back to her mother! What if she kills her? Huh, what if she does? That's on us! We could be sending her to her death, and you're just okay with that?" She screamed so loud that dogs in neighbouring yards began to bark and howl. Her whole face turned a deeper shade of red with each sentence.
Parker's response wasn't any quieter. "I never said I was okay with it! What I said was, we can't do anything, even if we don't send her home. What master plan do you have in mind? Is it to kidnap a four-year-old? And the worst part is, if she does this to her own child, I can't imagine what she would do to strangers."
He wrapped his arms around her. They absentmindedly cradled one another for a minute or two before realizing I had been standing in the doorway.
They pushed past it and led me to the living room, where we continued watching The Little Mermaid. I disappeared into a land of sea creatures and Lego blocks. The apple juice and chips that were provided made the night perfect.
Rose grunted and hopped up from the couch before she stomped into the kitchen. "We need to talk," she barked without looking to see if he had heard.
He chased after her into the kitchen.
I moved closer to the doorway and listened.
"We have to do something! Someone has to do something. Please, this is killing me. The only thing I can think to do is hide her in the closet when her mother comes back. We can bring her to the authorities tomorrow."
He sighed. "We have to call Franky and Greg. Just in case she starts something." He paused. "If this backfires, we are going to have to move. You know that, right?"
They made a phone call after their discussion. A few minutes later, two men showed up. One was bald with a chubby figure, and the other had short brown stubby hair and a short, tiny frame.
Knock-Knock
The room was silent. My babysitters and their friends had spent an hour waiting at the window for my mother's return. When she arrived, everyone froze. An atmosphere of trepidation smothered every sound, causing looks of certainty.
Knock-knock-knock
"Hell, it's Jess!" she hollered to gain someone's attention. "I'm here to pick up my daughter!"
Knock-knock-knock-knock
"I know you're in there." My mother walked down the stairs, peering through the living room window. "I can see the lights. Do you think I'm stupid?" I could hear the anger rising in her voice.
The room was dead silent, each person following Jess with their eyes. All were perched on the edge of their seats, uncomfortably awaiting her attack.
"If you don't open this goddamn door, I am going to break it down!" she threatened, kicking the door.
Rose got closer to the door. "No, we are keeping her here. She isn't safe with you."
Jessica must have been stunned because there were a few moments of absolute quiet.
They hurried me into the closet. The calm before the storm would clear soon, leaving only an angry momma-bear - one that fully intended to rip them limb from limb when she got a hold of them.
"Wait here. Everything is going to be fine," Parker whispered, closing the closet door.
Leaving me in a dark, unfamiliar space, my only entertainment was my mother's wild fit in the front yard. Closing my eyes, I imagined her bouncing like a baboon on the lawn. She would scream profanities, then throw herself at the door in hopes that they would give up and let her leave with her child. My mother's fit halted.
The room of four grown-ups was filled with misguided happiness that could be felt in the closet where I was. They would be whooping and hollering if they didn't have a sneaking suspicion that Jessica was not through with them.
This is your last warning. I know you can hear me. If you don't give me back my daughter, I am going to get my gun. I will kill all of you if that's what it takes to get my child back."
The door of the closet swung open. I was rushed from my seat in a pile of coats. I sleepily joined my mother on the front step, and the door was slammed behind me.