~Sometimes you don't realize the true weight of something you are carrying until you find its release~
Not all scars show. Not all wounds heal. At times, it's more than difficult to understand the pain someone feels throughout the day and yet, makes through it. You won't even know and the person standing right next to you with a 32 inch wide smile would be crumbling inside, shattering little by little each moment. Everything is not about speaking, few things are about understanding too. Isn't it?
Nandini slumped on the couch beside Nyonika who was weeping with her face buried in her hands. The last few months that Nandini had spent here as the daughter-in-law, had been peaceful and comforting. She had not even once witnessed the side of the picture which Manik was so dreadful about. And call it her sheer luck or the games of destiny, even yesterday night she wasn't there to witness that awful side, it was him, alone, to again be a audience to that part of the drama which hated with all his might, and she felt terribly guilty about it.
Directly speaking, the night that had passed by had witnessed a terrible fight amidst Nyonika and Raj which had turned into more than a heated argument, a dirty fight to be exact since neither of them backed off and did their best effort into proving oneself right. Just that they went overboard with things, even forgetting the fact that Manik was home and he could hear every word of the shit they were screaming. And as expected, they had no idea that he was there outside their room, shivering and trembling trying to conceal the storm raising inside him, or that he had went to the terrace to escape those horrendous shouts and breaking glass sounds. Or that he was running on high fever. It was Nandini who went to greet her mother-in-law with a cup of tea in the morning, actually late morning since Nyonika didn't come down until 10 am and found her sitting on the couch, weeping. Raj was not around. And that was how Nyonika told her in bits and pieces what had happened and Nandini was smart enough to understand the rest.
It all made sense now.
His blank face.
The pillow in his hold in the morning.
The frowns on his forehead.
His reluctance to leave her.
His fever.
She thought about the night when Manik had opened up to her about his family after Kabir's breakdown.
How she wanted to wipe off everything from his mind and relieve him of this stress, but she knew somethings were not to be hoped for. So after consoling a terrified Nyonika who was guilty enough to not know about Manik's health she came back to her room, only to find him awake and staring at something in space. She went near him and sat beside him.
"Feeling better?", She asked leaning in and checking his temperature with the back of her hand pressed against his forehead.
" Better. You came na, that was all I needed...", He smiled at her and she smiled back, seeing how efficiently he was trying to hide everything that she was sure was killing him.
"Since you have no temperature now, I am bringing you lunch and then we are going somewhere. So get ready...", She spoke getting up from the bed and moving towards the door but before exiting she turned and smiled.
"Before you ask me where young man, just know its called a surprise because it intends to be one..",she spoke running out of the room and he chuckled at her baby behaviour.
Post lunch, Nandini rechecked Manik's temperature which was almost normal and even the paleness in his face had decreased. Hence, they left for the 'surprise' with Nandini driving and Manik sitting beside her. He was constantly nagging her to disclose atleast where they were going but she sat tight lipped. He made faces, cribbed and finally burst out laughing at the adorable faces she was making to keep from smiling. Finally she halted the car and the board outside read- 'Hope that heals'.
"Nandini?", He called her frowning at the building in front. She didn't reply but intertwined their hands before dragging him in. They entered and a 15 year old girl came running to Nandini and wrapped her hands around her. Nandini patted her head and had a few talks with her while Manik's eyes were glued to those weird yet deep marks on both her wrists. They were not hesitation cuts. They were clearly deeper than them. Nandini saw Manik looking at the girl's hands but didn't say anything. She took him inside and the whole way he passed certain rooms. The door to every room was open.
Somewhere an old lady was playing piano and a few people were sitting with her while in another room a twenty something boy was lying in a lady's lap and taking something. Manik was confused at the environment. It sounded gloomy to his ears but he could clearly see that people there were not melancholic. They were not the happiest people either but they were content and joyful.
Nandini stopped before another room the door to which was closed. She pushed it open and took him inside. It was a large room with a piano, a punching bag, a book shelf, few pens and copies etc. Any two objects kept there had no link with each other. Everything there was confusing him more. Finally Nandini turned and looked at him.
"Hope that heals, as you read outside, is a NGO that works as an independent medical unit. It's a kind of hospital, but the difference is, here medicine isn't used for the treatment. Alternative therapies are used. Music, talking, love, care....The emptiness and hollowness inside a person is filled with lots and lots of positivity and concern. No judgements for anyone. Just a few hopes. And few heals...", She answered his unasked questions and he looked at her still confused. How the hell did she know this place? Why had she brought him here? What was going on?
"I worked here, three days a week before I had the library job. That is how I know them and this place...", She spoke again.
"But I thought you don't believe in hopes?", He cross questioned and she smiled.
"I don't. They do...", She pointed towards the window and he looked outside. There were so many sessions going on.
"Why are we here Nandini?", He questioned what he wanted to ask since the moment he had stepped in.
She didn't answer him. She held his hand and made him sit on the couch. She herself moved towards the piano and played the cover of the following song alongside humming it.
Aankho k pani me, sapne toh nhi dubte!
Aandhi me, toofan me, taare toh nhi toote!
Dil pe jo kharashein hai, tujhko ye tarashein h!
Koi toh kahani h, jo waqt ko sunani h!
Zinda hoon abhi, baki hoon abhi!
Dekho iss raakh me, thodi si roshni h abhi!
Zinda hoon abhi, baki hoon abhi,
Meri har saans me, thodi si zindagi h abhi!!
Ziddi rasto se panv ye, aaj bhi, jhagadna toh bhule nhi!
Haare hai kai dafa toh kya, aaj bhi, hum ladna toh bhule nhi!
Aaj bhi dil baaghi h, bus yehi kafi h!
Zinda hoon abhi, baki hoon abhi!
Meri har saans me, thodi si zindagi h abhi!!!!
By the time, she finished it, manik was trembling with the intensity of it. Somewhere he was realizing what she was trying to do. Nandini came forward and held his hand, bringing him to the centre of the room. She held both his hands in hers and looked at his eyes which were glazing with an unknown emotion.
"Manik it's alright to have emotions, even extreme emotions. There is no justification of concealing them. The more you bottle them up, the more toxic they become for you. And it all ends with this thing here, shattered into million and trillions of such tiny fragements which are impossible to glue back. I can already feel the bigger pieces here Manik. Don't let them break you so badly that it become poisonous for you...", She spoke pointing her finger at his heart and he was not surprised, not after everything. But he stood silent looking down, not meeting her eyes. She turned him towards the punching bag.
"Take it all out Manik. Everything", she tried again and this time he looked up at her.
"I am alright Nandini. It's not needed...", He said after a pause and she shook her head.
"I never said you are not. I know you are alright. But I want you to be more than just alright. All those things that are hurting you...", She spoke again but this time was cut off by Manik's roar.
"Nothing is hurting me! Do you understand? I am okay", he shouted holding her shoulders in such a tight grip that it physically hurt her but she didn't flinch.
"It is! It is hurting right there", she again pointed to his heart and spoke in a louder tone.
"It's hurting you to see that your parents are not happy with each other. That they still fight like cats and dogs. That you don't have your happy family...", She shouted again and he held her shoulders again, digging his nails in her soft skin.
"It's not. Don't interfare in everything Nandini. Stop it...", He shouted again but she paid no heed to him and kept on reminding him every tiny detail he didn't want to recollect.
And finally it let to him throwing a big punch at the punching bag, so intense that the whole room shook under it's effect. He kept on punching it, his knuckles bleeding but he didn't stop. Nandini stood silent and let him do whatever he wanted. He punched and punched for a good twenty minutes before leaving it and falling down on his knees, panting hard. She didn't came to him to console him, rather she came with a notebook and a pen.
"Take this. And write everything you have ever wanted to tell to your parents or anyone for that matter. Things that you wanted someone to sit beside you and hear. Things you thought no one is going to ever understand. Everything. Every damn thing...", Nandini spoke again and this time he didn't protest. He took the notebook and started writing with bleeding hands. Nandini sat on the floor in the other corner, her knees drawn to her chest, not disturbing him but keeping an eye from the distance. Five minutes passed.
Then fifteen.
Thirty.
Fifty five.
Finally, an hour and twenty minutes later, he looked up at her. She stood up, came to him, held his hand and took the notebook from him. And then in front of his eyes, she took the notebook and burnt it down to ashes. He stood perplexed but as he saw everything burning, a deep sense of calm took over him. Looking at her, he smiled this time.
"How do you manage to do this? Looking for the depth in the smallest of things? It was just a fever?" He questioned and this time she smiled. Not her usual smile. But a wilted smile.
"It wasn't just the fever manik. It was years of anguish which had accumulated inside you. I could read it in the blankness of your eyes...", She answered and he stood numb to react.
She didn't say anything further but made him sit on the couch dressing his hand. After making sure it was all right, she stood up. He looked at her again but this time with watery eyes. He hugged her waist since she was standing and he was sitting. She rubbed his back and let him empty it all. She didn't cry with him but stood strong for him. Half an hour later, he stopped.
"Better?", She asked and he nodded.
"Better than I have felt in years...", He spoke with a genuine smile adorning his cute face and she smiled back at him, forwarding her hand for him to hold. After all, they needed to go back to their happy nest too, just this time sincerely happy!