Harry
I can't stop thinking about her. Right when I've started to accept the fact Elena is gone, Louis comes and tells me she's been so near me this whole time. The thought is exciting and terrifying at the same time. It's been hours since I received the news, hours since I told them I won't do anything about it.
But it was a lie and I know that now.
I wouldn't be pacing back and forth across my- well, Niall's living room at five am if it wasn't. I wouldn't be dressed in my uniform and heavily armed if I wasn't ready to act. I'm not planning to sit back and do nothing while my dad and my friends are doing everything they can to win this war. I suddenly stop pacing, my hands fisting tightly at my sides as I storm into the bathroom, the door slamming against the wall from the sheer force I used to open it.
For the first time in years, I stand in front of a mirror and just look at myself, look at the person I've become. Dull green eyes stare at me, dark circles resting underneath them, pale skin of my face only accentuating them. My pierced lips are dry and parted, messy, shoulder length curls framing my face, my eyebrows pulled in a slight frown. This is what I've become, this fucking shell of a man I used to be.
It's time for a change.
I'm done with crying, with self-pity, with constantly punishing myself. I'm done with letting my guilt destroy me piece by piece every single day, I'm done with letting the pain control me and change who I am. If it's going to change me, then I'll make sure it changes me for the better.
I watch as my features contort in pure anger and determination, my hand taking a knife from my belt as I grab a lock of my hair, raising the knife blade toward it and cutting it in half. It falls into the sink and I immediately feel something shift inside me, something new and powerful pushing me to go further. I grab another lock and cut it, repeating the process over and over again, locks of my hair filling the sink.
I suddenly drop the knife, letting it clatter in the sink as I grip the edges of the sink, staring in what seems to be another person in the mirror. His green eyes are no longer dull, there's some kind of fire in them, making them seem brighter and more lively. His hair is shorter and slightly tousled, its strands not curly anymore, bringing more focus to his determined expression. This is not H, I'm no longer H.
This strong person willing to fight and make a change is the same one who disappeared and sealed himself away from the world when he was nineteen. That person is back, I'm back.
. . . .
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, releasing some of my anxiety. I haven't talked to Tommy since the day Alice died, leaving my dad to take care of telling him about it and comfort him. I can only imagine how losing his best friend affected the young boy, the thought bringing me a strong sense of pain.
Since he's coping with her death pretty hard, we allowed him to stay in the base for the time being, but I'll make sure he gets to safety and joins the others before starting a war. I'm not planning on losing him too, I won't allow it, even if my choice makes him hate me.
I've been standing in front of the room he was sharing with her for a few minutes, trying to come up with a way to talk to him, to explain to him how sorry I am for leaving him to deal with it on his own when I told him I won't leave him. I wasn't there to comfort him, to tell him it's going to be okay. I prepare myself for the worst before reaching out and opening the door, peeking into the room, finding him sitting on Alice's bed, flipping the pages of some notebook.
He seems to be engrossed in reading its contents so he doesn't notice my presence, giving me a chance to silently walk in and close the door. His eyes finally snap up, deep brown irises looking into mine, matching the colour of his skin. There is no reaction when he sees me, his expression completely blank, it certainly not being the reaction I expected.
"Hi there, junior," I say with a small smile, but he only keeps looking at me silently. "I- uh. . . I know it's been a while since- since we last saw each other and talked properly, but I've missed you. I want to tell you how sorry I am for abandoning you, Thomas, I truly am. I should've been there for you, but I was in no condition to comfort you because I was inconsolable myself, which made me make some wrong choices. It's not an excuse, but it's all I've got."
He looks down at the open notebook, making my chest ache. I close my eyes briefly and take a few more steps toward him. "I know you miss her, I miss her too. She would be so angry at me right now- no. . . no, she wouldn't. She was never angry at me." I smile sadly. "She would probably scold me for being away for so long then hug me and the world would be a better place for a few moments. But you. . . you have every right to be angry at me-"
I don't get to finish my sentence because Thomas stands up and runs toward me, throwing his arms around my waist tightly. I respond instantly, wrapping my arms around his shorter frame, feeling my heart sink into my chest when I realise he's crying. He buries his face into my shirt and cries silently, making me cover my mouth for a moment as I try to hold back my emotions.
"I'm sorry, Tommy, I'm so sorry," I tell him quietly, my hand stroking the back of his head as his hands clutch my jacket.
"I didn't say goodbye," Tommy mumbles and sniffles, looking up at me with his teary eyes. "I didn't get to say goodbye and I- I broke my promise. I promised her we'll live together in a house away from here."
"Sometimes, some promises never get a chance to be fulfilled and it's not our fault, they are simply too good, they're the result of our hopes and dreams, the result of the moment we believe we can do anything. Good things rarely last for too long in this desolate world," I say. "Alice was one of those good things."
He wipes away his tears and looks at the bed before walking toward it and sitting down, taking the notebook in his hands. "This was hers. . . she drew some pictures and wrote some stories. You and I are in most of them, Elena and Alex are in the most recent ones. I read them every day."
I take a deep shaky breath as I sit down beside him, watching as he places the notebook on my lap. My eyes scan the colourful drawings and neatly written text, a small smile making its way to my lips. The last drawing is of Alice in a white dress, a pair of wings behind her. There's a year or her birth and death beneath the drawing, a dull pain coursing through me. My fingertips brush over the paper as I sadly inspect the picture.
She was supposed to turn twelve in a few days.
"I drew it," Tommy says. "It's how I imagine she looks now, it makes me feel better to think she's an angel."
"She is," I tell him quietly. "She always was."
"You cut your hair," he states after a few moments of silence. "I like it."
I smile. "Had to do that famous 'new hair new me' thing before going to war again."
"I'll have to leave, right?" He asks and I look at him anxiously. "Don't worry, I get it. You don't want me to end up like Alice." He wipes away another tear.
"I'll come back for you," I say. "You know I will."
"She trusted you and so do I," he says, looking down at the notebook. "There's a story where Elena has a pet dragon, it's hilarious." He manages a smile. "I. . . I wish she was here, do you think she'll come back? David told me Alex and she had to leave and they didn't say goodbye, either. . . so I think this is temporary, isn't it? They would say goodbye if they were leaving for good, right?"
I stay silent for a few moments, observing his sad expression before I manage a small nod. "I'll make sure they come back. I'll try." I put my arm around his shoulders, pulling him to me. "That's a promise, kid."
. . . .
"Oh my God, everyone stay calm," Liam says as I walk into the conference room, grabbing Louis' and Niall's shoulders, his eyes widening. "Stay calm, stay calm!" He shouts. "His hair, oh my God!"
Everyone stares at me with shocked expressions, taking in my slightly changed appearance, their eyes widened and jaws dropped. Since I did a sloppy job in cutting my hair, I let my dad fix it for me properly, trimming it on the sides while leaving the hair on the top of my head how it was, cut a few centimetres from the scalp.
I stand at the centre of the table in silence, mentally counting the seconds while they keep staring. I clear my throat, but none of them even blinks. "Alright people, I know I'm a beautiful sight but snap out of it!" I snap my fingers a few times, waking them up from their daze. "Time to do real business."
"He's back, all trimmed and pretty for us, that's what I'm talking about!" Niall says with a smirk, leaning back in his seat and raising his leg, resting his ankle on top of the knee of his other leg.
"You can't just- you- you should've told us before appearing like this," Liam says, motioning at me. "As if you actually calling a meeting wasn't a surprise already, you come in here bald."
"Liam I'm not bald, the fuck." I scoff and frown at him, ruffling my short hair to prove a point.
"Personally, I love the hair," Tori says, nodding in approval. "It suits you even though the curls will be missed, aw."
"People I get it, this is all very nice, but it's barely seven am and I haven't had my cup of coffee yet so let's get to the point," Jess says flatly, her eyelids half opened, her chin resting in her palm.
"This is how it's going to be," I start, using hand gestures while walking back and forth slowly. "I'll swallow my pride and go to Wildfire with David, sit Anne and Isaac down, tell them all about my plan of action and end this war with Vortex once and for all."
"That sounds great and I hate to be that guy, but how exactly are you planning to do that? It's not like we have a magic wand or something that would stop the war," Louis says sceptically.
"You can't tell me there's not a Harry Potter joke in there somewhere," Tori states.
"Ah, we don't have a magic wand, but we have my magic brain." I tap my head.
"You're a wizard, Harry," Tori says dramatically, making Louis raise his palm for a high five and she slaps her palm against his while Niall laughs.
"Can I touch it?" Liam asks, staring at my hair. "I bet it feels different. . ."
"Liam, can you focus for a second?" Niall tells him flatly.
"No."
"So, what's your plan of action, boss?" Niall asks with a sigh, now very interested as he leans forward, resting his elbows on the table.
"Seth is probably planning to bring Americans here and finally win this war, and I can't let that happen, especially with their advanced military equipment and large army," I say. "Hazard will join forces with Wildfire and we'll send a message to Ace and ask him to join in one last time, but what I really want to do is include those who want revenge the most and pretty much are little army themselves." My lips pull in a smirk. "Deserters."
"Ooh, I love it when he smirks," Niall says, wagging a finger at me cheerfully. "It means shit is going down and that's what I'm here for. Time for the real war, with blood and bombs and all. Fuck. Yes." He bites his lower lip, releasing a low groan.
"If you look really closely, you can see a fire in Niall's eyes," I say flatly. "Like real fire from the depths of hell."
"Psycho," we all mutter at the same time as Niall smirks devilishly, winking at us.
"I'm in," Louis says. "You'll create an army too big for Vortex to fight off and our victory is guaranteed. But we have to be quick before Americans send their troops here, we won't stand a chance then. We could ask some of our strongest allies for help, but I'm pretty sure Russia wants to stay out of this war, they're still recovering from what happened with China."
"Fucking Americans," Niall mumbles.
"What about Germany, Spain, France, Italy?" Tori suggests as she looks on a map on the table, her finger trailing over the surface. "Oh right, they all signed that peace contract. Finland, Sweden, no." She moves her finger lower on the map. "Austria, Hungary, Croatia- oh wait they're all a part of the peace contract. . . Oh oh, I know, Turkey! No wait, they hate us since our suppliers used to go through their country to get to us."
"Are you quite done, I think you've run out of European countries," Niall says sarcastically. "Let's just face it, we're on our own."
"I have a question, is Scotland still pissed at us?" Louis asks.
"I know Ireland is," Niall comments. "But yeah, pretty sure Scotland wants nothing to do with us. Wales signed the peace contract so they're out of the question too."
"So basically everyone hates us or doesn't want anything to do with us, ha their loss we're amazing," Tori says.
"I had a talk with the Egyptian president since he's one of our best weaponry suppliers and he's willing to help, but of course he expects something in return," I say. "This is our country, we can't depend on anyone else to defend it but us. This is our territory, our homeland, both Vortex and Rogue want to sell it and give it up to the opportunists such as the USA or China for money and political positions, and we can't let that happen. This is our war to finish, our war to win."
"Okay, this speech was better than any coffee, I'm honestly so awake and have goosebumps, look," Jess says as she pulls up her sleeve, showing us her forearm.
"I agree and I think what you said is amazing, but what about Alex and Elena? They're at Vortex and we're planning on attacking it. . ." Louis says, a worried expression on his face as if he's afraid I don't care about them.
I stay silent for a few moments for dramatic effect, knowing all of them are anxiously waiting for me to reply. I look at my nails and purse my lips, making them groan.
"H, I swear to God-" Tori starts.
"We'll help them," I say. "I'll personally make sure Elena and Alex are free. No men are left behind, they belong here with us."
"Man, I was about to go batshit crazy on you, thinking you'd just leave them to die there, phew." Tori leans back in her seat, pressing her palm on her chest.
I don't like thinking about the fact Elena is over there, in that horrid base. I remember her telling me that going back there is worse than death for her, which makes my chest tighten painfully, my desire to help her, help them both only growing. Elena may have lied to me, but she did so much to help Hazard, to help me and that's something I shouldn't have forgotten. She did what she had to do in order to help her brother and I can't possibly judge her for that.
One of the things that pains me the most is the memory of the bruise on her neck, my stomach twisting at the thought of what she had to do in order to set us free from the cells in Vortex. And when I think about how I treated her after she did something like that, I'm disgusted. I was in pain because of Alice's death, but so was she and I lashed out in the worst way possible. But I have a chance to fix the damage I caused and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
I'll get her out of there. I will.
"What do you want us to do now?" Louis asks.
"I can't believe he cut his hair," Liam mumbles, clearly not paying attention to anything we're saying.
"I'll go to Wildfire with David right now, the vehicle and everything is already waiting for me," I announce and head toward the exit, glancing at my friends' elated faces as I pass by, watching as they all high five each other, making me smile to myself.
"You go!" Niall claps and everyone joins him. "Fuck it up, H!"
I open the door and stop, looking at them over my shoulder while the corners of my lips pull in a smirk. "It's Harry."
. . . .
a/n: Harry is Harry again, his curls are gone and it's time for some extra drama and action in the next few chapters :)))