Ok, I am probably the most disorganized person on earth right now. I was supposed to update last night, but as you can see... I got distracted.
Last night was the Independence Day celebration at Allen, and it was crazy. It's a tradition, so of course I had to go and watch the magnificent fireworks show. And PTX was there, the YouTube singing group. There were over 90k people there and believe me, four years ago it was nowhere near as crowded as it was last night.
Well, I am sorry for the late update and for boring you, I'd like to thank XGummyBear_WarriorsX for reminding me of the update!!
Thanks so much <3
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I parked and walked to the front with Macy at my side. Before I knocked on the door it was swung open by Andrea and she smiled gratefully. "Good you're here!" She looked at Macy. "Hi, I'm Andrea."
"Macy." She said with her typical sweetness.
"Come in, come in." She said and I remembered to let Macy step in before me.
"What was so important-"
"Conrad! Come in here, Loverboy!" I heard Aaron call.
I looked at Andrea and she widened her eyes nervously. She was realizing she forgot to tell Aaron I had Macy with me. "Uh, babe?" Andrea yelled.
"What babe," Aaron asked lovingly from the other room.
"Conrad has a friend with him."
Aaron's voice rounded the corner as he said, "Friend? Conrad has friends? Maybe lovers but that's just-" He shut up just before he said her name and I was so annoyed yet so thankful. "Macy! Hello!" He smiled and gave her a friendly hug.
"So, Con. You gotta promise me you won't be mad about this..." Aaron said after he and Macy greeted eachother. He was facing me and talked in all seriousness.
"Well, first of all, I don't even know what you're talking about so I'm not promising shit." I said, nodding for Macy to follow and she did, giving me a short glare saying she wasn't a dog. I rolled my eyes at her and let her know I knew exactly what she was trying to say.
We neared into the living room and Aaron took a deep and shaky breath. On one side sat Jole, in his big chair. On the couch, layed a sad man who was no older than 50, my dad. "What the hell is he doing here?" I snapped at Aaron and he shushed me.
"Conrad, you gotta listen, okay? He's upset, and unhealthy. He tried to overdose last night." Aaron said to me slowly and I recalled the previous day. I had gone over there and slammed the door in his face.
Was I supposed to be upset? Was I supposed to feel bad? Because I didn't know what to feel at all. I was in shock.
Jole called Macy over to sit next to him and she sat in the big chair beside him and he began talking to her nicely. Son of a bitch was never that nice to me. "Conrad!" Aaron whisper-shouted to me trying to get me to pay attention.
"Why? What made him do that?"
"I don't know, he said he's let us down."
"He has."
"Shut up for a second, he wanted to talk to you."
I groaned, but sat on the couch that was next to Macy and Jole, across from my quiet and weak-looking dad. "Conrad..." He began but I cut him off before he could begin the sob story.
"Is this because I stopped by yesterday?"
"You did what?" Aaron butted in.
I shushed him and went on, "I knew I shouldn't've gone over there..." I groaned, rubbing my jaw in frustration.
"No, I'm sorry." My dad said, trying to sit up. It was painful to see him struggle like he was. Aaron went over to help him but he shook his stubborn head and sat up on his own. "I'm tired of living in the same shit." He said.
Jole was trying to make things less awkward for Macy and I appreciated him for that. They got along really well, I could tell by the way he talked to her and he got excited like an old man would.
"And I'm tired of being reminded... of how I lost everyone." I heard my dad, and thought how stupid it sounded, but as he elaborated I realized that I knew how he felt at some point. "I lost my wife. I lost my oldest son. Then Aaron, then you. When you left I realized how much help I needed." I knew how he felt with that too. When Macy left, things got hella worse before hey got better. "I never got that help and I'm so unhappy." He said tiredly.
"I know you hated me growing up. I know you hate me because I lost you Cory. I can't go a day now without sitting in your room and remembering how many times I've screwed up."
I should've told him I didn't give a shit. I should've told him he did it to himself, but I knew exactly how he felt. Only I couldn't bring myself to go into her room. "I know how that feels." I ended up saying outloud and felt it get hot after they all looked at me. My dad was confused, and so was Macy. Jole and Aaron had shocked looks on their faces, surprised at what I said and they looked at eachother.
"You do...?" My dad looked over to Aaron and saw his line of sight and his eyes drifted to Macy. He looked back at me in understanding, knowing not to say anything.
"Dad," I breathed. "I know you hate rehabs-"
"Stop," My father shook his head stubbornly. "No, no rehabs."
"But dad, Conrad hated them just as much as you, and he's been clean for, what three years? Three years."
I felt uncomfortable talking about it. I knew they were all so proud and shit but it made me so uncomfortable.
"I refuse to go to a rehab..."
"You're never gonna get better. You're life with stay like shit if you don't choose to get better." I told him angrily, hating that I had to go over there just to preach to my hopeless father.
Andrea came in and set down some cookies then nodded Macy over. I looked at Andrea thankfully and she gave me a smile, taking Macy into the kitchen.
"So..." My dad began.
"Dad no."
"She's very pretty,"
"Isn't she? She's a sweetheart too." Aaron jumped in and I gave him a smack on the head. "You look hung over." Aaron told me, rubbing his head.
I rolled my eyes. "I am."
"What's holding you back, Conrad?" Dad asked, talking about Macy.
I groaned and heard Jole and Aaron's laughter. "First of all," Aaron lowered his voice, "She's engaged."
My dad turned to me with widened eyes. "You're just gonna let her marry someone else?"
"Alright," I said, standing up and ready to leave.
"No, son, I'm sorry. I'm sure you've gotten a lot of talk like that from your brother." He said.
I sighed, and nodded. Then glared at Jole. "I like her." Jole smiled, admiring her in his mind as if she were his daughter.
"How old is she?"
"Twenty-two."
His eyes went wider. "Since when do you like younger women?" He said in surprise.
"This conversation is all over the place right now... So I'll just be going."
"No, we're sorry, sit down." Aaron told me. "We're done talking about you-know-who for now." Aaron said, then looked back at my dad.
"I've said all I had to say." He said.
"Then we're done here." I stood up and Aaron sighed with a shake of his head, following me into the kitchen. Macy was leaning forward on the counter, drinking wine and chatting with Andrea. I've never thought she looked any classier than she did then.
They were laughing together and it made me relax seeing her smile. She was upset earlier and it was stressing me out. Unfortunately we weren't able to have that talk about her art issue and my... well my awkward encounters. "Hello, boys." Andrea greeted, sharing a kiss with Aaron.
"She means men." He told Macy. I came up and stood next to her, making sure to touch her back in a greeting before I did. I had to touch her, she was just so nice.
"How are things, Conrad?" Andrea asked me, talking about my dad.
I rubbed my jaw. "Typical." Was all I said. Aaron and I agreed that we'd figure it out. For the time being he'd stay over at their house. "Sucks, two old men in one house. Both are assholes." I said loudly as Jole came in, shooting me a glare.
"Macy, sweetheart, will you smack him for me?" Jole asked lovingly and she did to me like she does to Xavier.
"Dammit, Macy..." I muttered, rubbing my head, the same spot Xavier hit me in the same morning.
"Do you guys want to stay for lunch? I'm cooking that lobster mac n' cheese that you told me about, Conrad." Andrea said, and for some reason it embarrassed me.
"Oh, right... But no sorry, I think she needs to-"
"Yeah sure, we'll stay!" Macy perked up beside me, giving me a look.
I loved her eyes, but they were still so walled up. I began to believe they were getting more and more thin, the closer we got.
"Great, I'll just need to put it in the oven." She said, going around and doing her cooking thing.
We stood around and Aaron poured us wine while my dad was in the other room sleeping off his drowsiness. "Wow look at that ring..." Andrea commented, seeing Macy's rock. Aaron's eye twitched, trying not to shoot her an obvious look for me. I tried to ignore it and shook my head at Aaron. "It's huge! Who's the lucky man?" She asked suddenly interested, as if she had no idea. I was beginning to believe she forgot or something, but then she looked at Aaron and they shared a look that said she knew what she was doing.
"His name is Jared."
"Last name?"
Macy blushed, "Andrews."
"Macy Andrews? I like it." Andrea cooed.
Aaron mouthed "What the hell is she doing?" To Jole and he shook his head and shrugged, surprised by Andrea too.
"Is he good with his hands?" Andrea jokingly asked in a lower hushed tone and Macy blushed even harder.
Jole coughed up some wine and Aaron just stared at her. "Andrea, you're gonna scare the poor girl away."
"It's alright, would you like to talk somewhere else?" She asked Macy.
"Oh, it's fine, I don't really feel like talking about him right now..."
I relaxed a bit and I moved to the dinner table with Aaron.
Macy sat next to me and Andrea was in the kitchen humming. Jole came over, switching spots with Aaron and I watched Aaron argue with Andrea but she looked so calm.
I saw her mouth something and it made Aaron relax in understanding. I had no idea what she was saying so I ignored it and trusted Andrea at the time. "My daughter can get a bit graphic." Jole said.
"Shut up, please." I told him, cringing at the thought of Andrea explaining anything else.
Macy just laughed quietly and sat back calmly. She looked so comfortable around them, I liked it. I liked that they could get along with her even if that meant pissing me off. It got really annoying, but it was okay in the long run.
If there was a long run.
"So Conrad, how hard did you party last night?" Jole asked, taking a large gulp from his wine.
"Not hard." I said.
"Why'd you get drunk, Conrad?" Aaron leaning in, turning the conversation serious. Jole didn't like it and pouted a bit.
"I went to dad's and he said I was always welcome. He was sitting in my room when I walked in, and he was crying." I never thought it'd hurt me so much to think of my own dad upset... It wasn't a good feeling.
"Crying?" Aaron repeated.
"Yeah, he was really happy that I came over. It was weird so I left as soon as I saw him."
"Why'd you go there in the first place?"
I opened my mouth to speak but froze, taking a drink of the wine to let them know I couldn't talk about it at the time.
"Well... Okay then." Aaron looked over Macy and grinned. "Was he good after we left?"
Oh no. I wasn't. I made her angry, I scared her away. That's why I went to my dad's house. Macy only smiled casually and nodded. "Sure."
"Be nice to girls, Conrad." Aaron said.
"You're one to talk."
"I learned quicker than you."
"Shut up, Aaron."
Jole chuckled, "That's Con's only comeback. Shut up."
Andrea began making unintended noise with dish plates and Aaron turned to Macy. "Macy, do you cook?"
I tried to hold in my laugh but I couldn't and began cracking up, trying to cover it up but they were already staring at me. Macy gave me a glare. I held my breath and tried to calm, "Yeah, yeah she cooks..." My voice getting quietter as I laughed more and Macy looked at me again.
"What does that mean?"
I shook my head. "Rude-ass bastard." Jole scolded. "Basics! Like cookies and pancakes, right?"
Macy nodded but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "If by baking cookies you mean breaking apart the refridgerated cookie dough then yeah, she can make cookies."
Aaron laughed loudly, "You can say that because you cook better than any other woman I've met."
"Hey!" Andrea shouted.
"Oh, except you, baby!" He said, winking at us. "Mr. Macho King Conrad can cook so well. It's quite funny actually."
Macy's eyebrows furrowed at the name King Conrad and I could tell it bothered her. I knew she'd ask about it soon, and I dreaded it because it wasn't a fun story.
While Jole and Aaron began to bicker back and forth about something I didn't know or care about, Andrea finished up the mac n'cheese and set it out for us.
"Nice job, sweets." Jole told Andrea and she gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks daddy. You like it babe?"
Aaron was already stuffing his face so she got her answer. "Don't give me your opinion," She told me, making them laugh, then she looked at Macy. "Do you like it?"
Macy nodded with a smile and I held my own smile in. It cute how food always made her comfortable.
After we ate, Andrea went to take a plate to my dad.
Soon I knew I had to go in there and talk to him before we left, so with Macy behind me I told him I was leaving. "Not too fast. I didn't even say hello to your friend yet."
"Dad." I groaned.
Macy nudged me out of the way softly and I moved, reluctantly. "We've met before." He smiled at her and I couldn't take the sudden tension and just muttered 'oh my god' and ran my hands through my hair, turning around to pretend like they weren't having that conversation.
"We have," She nodded casually and they shook hands.
"I've never gone by my first name, so you can just call me Grim." He said.
"I'm Macy."
"Why haven't you ever brought her over before, Conrad? She's nice."
I rolled my eyes in embarassment. "Who would want to visit that nasty white-trash apartment?" I spat out in frustration and watched his head lower a bit in shame. He should be ashamed.
"If Conrad's being an asshole it's because he hasn't learned to love himself yet. He has to love himself before he loves anyone else."
I wasn't sure where that was coming from, I was too confused to give him a bitchy comeback. He didn't even love himself, so it was stupid for him to say, it was hypocritical.
Macy agreed calmly, and I was so surprised that he liked her so easily.My dad hated women, other than Andrea. But he had just met Macy.
"It's nice talking to you." He told Macy. "Bye Con." He said to me, the sad look in his eyes. I was going to just walk away and ignore him, I was so awkward with goodbyes, but Macy came up behind me and squeezed my arm, telling me to say something.
"Take care of yourself." I pushed out, and I saw his eyes light up.
That was all it took, someone to care. I guess that's why he liked Macy. She just had that kind of vibe.
"Thanks for everything guys." I told them, and pointed to Andrea, "Lunch was delicious, great job."
Andrea rolled her eyes and smiled modestly.
"Be nice to Macy, and stop getting drunk." Aaron told me.
"If he's being himself, pop em' upside that big head of his." Jole told Macy and she laughed.
We walked out to the truck. I wasn't expecting to stay over there for so long, but Macy enjoyed herself. They liked her.
In the truck she was quiet, and I was waiting for her to bring up the bar incidents. Maybe she was mad too. Her phone rang and I was positive it was Jared.
"Hey," she said.
I heard his stupid accent on the other line.
"Oh we just stopped by to eat at his brother's house."
"Aw I was going to ask you to pick something up for me."
"I could do that." She told him.
He told her what he wanted and she agreed, hanging up.
Fiona's was even further away since we were coming from Aaron's. And there was traffic.
"You're quiet." I told her.
"I'm holding back on my questions." She admitted.
"Why?"
"I don't want to annoy you, you seem like you're in a good mood."
I looked at her and felt bad I was so snappy to her. "Sorry I was freaking out at the bar, I just didn't want something bad to happen."
"What would've happened?"
"I could make a hundred-paged book with possibilities."
Macy only nodded. "What are you thinking about?" I asked her.
"What that whole King Conrad shit was about." She admitted. "It just sounds so sketchy."
I groaned, but knew I'd have to tell her. "I'm not in a gang or anything. But there are a lot of them who seem to like me. Or, are afraid of me. Somehow they ended up calling me King because I could do whatever I wanted."
"Why are they so afraid of you?"
I laughed bitterly, and in embarrassment. "It's stupid, and I don't know how any of it started, but rumours like 'he's killed a guy before' 'he's a druglord' or my favorite, 'he broke out of jail seven times and beat the shit out of a police man.' And so on."
Macy gasped dramatically. "Conrad who did you kill?"
"The president."
"And you're a druglord?"
"At the top of the Cartel."
"Why were you in jail?"
"Got caught smugglin' some goods."
"And you hurt an innocent police man?"
"He suffered."
Macy laughed at my sarcasm and I took in the sound. We sat in traffic while she thought of another question.
"Who was that girl?" She asked. "The one you scared off?"
"Casey... I don't know her last name, but she's a white-trash whore."
Macy seemed uncomfortable at my sudden profanity but adjusted herself quickly. "What did you tell her, to scare her away?"
I sighed deeply, pressing on the gas and passing the lights. "If I tell you, will you be scared away?"
"Well I don't know, tell me."
"I threatened her. She's been harrassing me for too long, I needed to lay down the law." Thinking about her with Macy around on made me even more disgusted. The contrast was just a huge difference between self respect and throwing yourself at any asshole you can find.
"What she said... Was it true?"
I had to think hard to know what she was talking about. "When she said I slept with every girl twice? That was bullshit, I haven't even slept with her." It was so awkward talking about it, especially remembering when I did with Macy.
"Okay." Was all she said.
The silence that blanketed over us began to thicken with tension, and as I turned onto 75 I attempted to break it. "I don't plan on it either." I muttered to her.
"Why?"
I gave her a look telling her she was being crazy, "What kind of question is that?"
"You brought it up."
I sighed, knowing the subject was awkward and better left untouched, but I knew I had to say something sooner or later. Something other than an apology. "I don't sleep around anymore." It was the truth.
I looked at her and saw she gave me a disbelieving look, "I'm not going to judge you, Conrad."
She pissed me off, saying she didn't believe me when it was her doing in the first place. "Your opinion of me doesn't matter." I snapped quietly, seeing it was the wrong thing to say. "I'm not lying."
"When did you stop then?" She asked, making me clench my jaw with my nerves swimming around nervously.
What was I supposed to tell her? Maybe if I acted like I didn't hear what she said...-
"Conrad?"
"What,"
"I know you heard me."
I sighed, knowing the truth told was going to give me so many problems in the future. "I stopped four years ago." That's all I said, and she didn't seem to understand exactly. I didn't know how to explain exactly either.
"Well are you happy?"
Did she care? "It doesn't matter." I turned into Fiona's parking lot sooner than I expected and parked next to her car. She didn't get out, and I didn't want her to.
"Why are you so sad, Conrad?" She looked so concerned at the time, like she really wanted to know and figure it out. There were a lot of reasons why I wasn't happy. She was one of them, but I couldn't just pin everything on her.
"I don't know." I sighed. I was unraveling in front of her, taking off the protective wall that hid my emotions because it hurt even more just hiding them from her. I turned my head out to look at the window, avoiding her knowing eyes. She'd detect everything I felt within miliseconds and I knew it was still too soon for that.
I felt her hands reach to my face and pull me to her. I had to close my eyes tight because she couldn't see them, I couldn't overwhelm her with my own feelings. "Conrad, open your eyes."
I've heard that line before. I was being brought back to four years ago, when she told me the same thing and held my face in her gentle hands. I didn't, and she had kissed me. But I knew she wouldn't do that now, so I opened them and looked down, avoiding her mystery.
Her hands were so warm, and there was nothing I wanted more than for her to have her arms around me again. She tapped the bottom of my chin and I looked at her. My eyes on hers.
She widened at the sight of mine and I reached my arms out to her, bringing her close in a hug. Her body felt familiar being that close. It was a heated kind of familiar and I felt her stiffen. I wanted her to hug me back, even if she didn't feel it like I did.
Eventually she did, and I stayed there breathing into her warm neck and sweet scented hair. It felt right, and that's why I was afraid, but I refused to pull away. It was her. She slipped her warm hands to my chest and it felt so good. She pushed me back gently.
"I'm sorry about your dad." Macy told me shyly.
"It's fine." I replied quickly, not letting go of her just yet.
Her eyes lingered to her own hands where they warmed my body, then looked back up at me. "Is it?"
I didn't want to talk about it, I shook my head and wanted to tell her it wasn't important but she knew it was. Her eyes told me she wanted to know, I read them, barely. I did for a second, her closeness was helpful with that.
But her face flushed from my stare and she pulled away, forcing my arms back to myself. I watched her eyes build up with protection and she was gone. The possibility was gone and so was my Macy.
"Thanks for the ride, Conrad. I had fun at your brother's house too." She smiled at me but I ran numb again. Was this how I made her feel when I didn't want her to see behind my eyes? "No problem."
She left the car and got in hers. I left as soon as she did, and I drove around all night. I wasn't able to go home because I knew they'd be there together, in love like they were. I guess I went site-seeing, driving all the way to Dallas to clear my mind. My music was way up and I smoked a pack.
I was weaving around the highway, I sang loudly to whatever came on. The heavymetal I had plugged in from my phone made my car shake.It'd randomly change every few songs to something that reminded me of Macy. That only bothered me more, and I knew I had to stop getting drunk when something upset me. I wanted to, though. Mostly I wanted to get high again.
One last time.
I told myself, but I couldn't let that happen. Even since I was trying to prove to Macy that I was different, and I wasn't into that shit anymore. Although it didn't help at all that at the fucked up bar Casey had to come in and piss me off. Macy knew I wasn't like that, but I could tell she was still afraid.
Xavier called me when I lingered around the outskirts of downtown. "Dude where are you?"
"Just drivin." I told him tiredly.
"Conrad, you need to come home before you fall asleep behind the wheel and get yourself killed."
"That wouldn't be so bad."
"Get home now, asshole."
He didn't want to hang up on me because he wanted to make sure I got home safely. I wanted to be alone, so I turned my phone off.
When I got there Xavier was the only one up. "It's about time." He told me, taking a drink of his beer.
"Yeah."
"How was it?" He meant Macy.
I sat next to him and sat back. "It's hard. It's hard being around her."