Effort At Its Finest (Brother's Bestfriend)

Recover After Recovery

The next day was a blur. It was a crash of low from the lack of Macy I had that day after the previous night. The night of her sweet voice and laughter, and childish behavior. Her free spirit. It was gone all too soon and she was back to the natural mask she wore around everyone.

I got a call at a bar. "So I'm confused, are you trying to get her back or what," Mary's nagging voice said, causing my ears to ache.

I took a swig, full aware of the ticking of the clock behind the bartender, the drum of the music and the clatter of the glasses. Coke can do that to a person. "Why?" Was all I bit out, sounding like the all too familiar Conrad. The drunk, the idiot addict. I pulled out my cigarettes.

"You can't smoke in here- O- oh, shit, sorry." The young tender came by, noticed me and froze.

I rolled my eyes at him, lighting one up. "Fuck off." I growled at him.

"She said you guys talked, what the hell?"

"So the fuck what? People talk." I said back, pushing for another drink and getting one quickly.

Casey was back.

"But she seemed so happy. She seemed..."

"Like the old Macy? I know." I was angry at myself for allowing the deep sorrow in my voice slip out, how it faltered at her name. How I crumbled at the thought of her.

Casey sat beside me.

Mary seemed a little quiet, a little understanding. I didn't care. "Yeah, like the old Macy." She sighed. "Look, if you're trying to get her back-"

"She was never mine in the first place." I growled in fury. "Why the fuck do people keep saying that."

Hesitation on the other end, but boldly, Mary spoke. "Conrad, you and I both know that's not true."

I twitched. "Stupid bitch, she was Mason's, not mine." It hurt to say, and I felt the cracking in my voice at admitting the painful truth.

"Shut up, don't talk to me like that. " She snapped. "Yes, she was always yours, Conrad. She'd never admit it back then and she'd never admit it now. I still remember the first time she said she felt something for you, the first time she realized she liked you and that same snowy night, you told her you hated her. So don't act like you made some innocent mistake, you knew what you were doing and you did it on purpose." Mary's voice rose loudly in my ear. She seemed livid, so angry. So... upset. "I just really wish you never met her, because maybe she would've stayed the same happy girl she was before." Now I saw it. I saw- or heard it... Mary's own pain. It was my fault, too, how Macy changed, and Mary just pointed that out. She missed her bestfriend, because I made her disappear.

"I made her disappear." I groaned quietly into the phone, knowing Casey was there, eyeing my words and conversation like a bat with expert ears.

"But Conrad, don't you see?" Her hopeful voice appeared once again. "You can bring her back."

"I don't even think she wants to be back."

Mary sniffled on the other line, probably knowing that it was true. I never thought about Mary as a person either- just a bitch. Like my mother. Well- not like my mother... But I listened to her cry on the phone. It was so obvious then how much of a fuck up I was to people. I ruined everything. So I hung up, turned around and grabbed Casey before she could speak and she took me to her place.

...

I settled for trash. I really wanted to leave that morning, I really wanted Desiree. And I forced myself to believe she was the one I wanted, when it was really because I couldn't have the one I wanted. Because she didn't want me.