Mary was just such a contrast to Macy when it came to feelings. That bitch didn't care about throwing them around freely, but Macy cherished them. I wondered if Jared knew that.
I wondered if she was aware of how much I knew about her. She probably didn't even know how I felt about her four years ago, and thought I was just using her. That's what I was mostly afraid of.
I got really bored and didn't know how long I would be out there, so I pulled out my phone and called Aaron's place.
"Hey Conrad, how are you doing?" Andrea answered. I heard Mr. Jole's coughing in the background.
"Hey, I'm good. How about you?"
"Good! Daddy's good. Aaron isn't home right now, he's working." She said in a sorry voice, and probably knew he was the reason I called. I just needed to talk to my brother, but Andrea would do.
"Oh."
"Is it about Macy?" She asked. I huffed out a quiet laugh and wondered how much she knew. "Aaron tells me everything, there's no need to hold back." Andrea was a really nice woman. She was a bit plain but she perfect for Aaron. I liked her, she was kind of like a cousin to me. Not a sister, but a cousin.
"Well, I had to take her so she could do her errands. I mean, that's what we're doing right now."
"Where is she?"
"In Sublime with her friend. She's being a bitch to me."
"Who, Macy?"
"No, her friend."
I heard Andrea sigh in thought. "Are you not with them?"
"No I left because I would've said something I'd regret if I was still around her friend."
Andrea chuckled quietly. "Oh, Con, how is Macy treating you?"
"The usual..."
"And how is that?"
"I don't know."
There was a bit of silence on the other end while she was thinking of what to say. Jole's voice spoke from a distance, "Baby, is that Conrad?"
"Yes, Daddy," She shouted back.
"Tell him to stop being a pussy and be a man and get his girl back!" He shouted loud enough for me to hear and I heard Andrea scold him, but when I couldn't contain the short laughter Jole brought me she giggled along.
"Well thanks." I said with a chuckle and Andrea was still laughing, and I heard Jole's deep chuckles too.
"Oh, I'm sorry Conrad." She spoke happily. "I'll tell Aaron you called?"
Her trace of laughter added on to mine, "Yeah thanks, Andrea."
"Bye! Good luck!"
"I'll try to come by soon." I told her, and we hung up. I was thankful for becoming close to my brother, and his kind wife. I knew how she sometimes hated it when I smoked in her house or banged in her door while they were sleeping and barged in drunk, but she was still nice to me.
But when I turned around, Macy was standing there and looking at me. "Sorry, were you on the phone?" She asked shyly.
"How long were you standing there?" I forgot hold back on narrowing my eyes and it was too late.
"Not long..." She stepped back and I stuffed my phone into my pocket.
"Well, where do you want to go now?" I asked her, now feeling shy myself and embarrassed, hoping she didn't get the wrong idea about Andrea.
"Do you know who still works at the Londoner?" She asked when we began walking.
I didn't really like the bar because the people there seemed to have some sort of liking to Macy. "I don't know." I said.
She nodded and kept walking anyway. It was a short and quiet walk, and I was having a battle in my mind when she looked up at me with her hypnotic eyes. "I'm sorry about Mary." She said.
I tried to keep everything normal but I feel like my tone slipped just a bit. "What do you mean?"
She sighed, "Don't act like you don't know, Conrad."
I felt myself stiffen the slightest. I wasn't sure if she meant the night we slept together, or her friend just being a bitch. Or both. "It's alright, to be honest I don't really like your friend either." I cursed in my mind at how asshole-ish that sounded, but she didn't seemed fazed.
"Yeah, I figured." She spoke with a smile.
I contemplated apologizing too. Finally, about abandoning her when I was confused and in love and afraid. I was going to say I was sorry, because I really was. But my mind was battling itself, and it took too long and we ended up at the bar.
"Is that-"
"Macy!" It was a girl I remembered as Alise. She always eyed me when I saw her, but I never really like her. She was cute and all, but she was like a teenager. It was one time I flirted with her, when I came with Macy and that lunatic Daniel. With Macy the first thing I did was hit on someone else. I slept over with Alise before, but she was really annoying after that. It was stupid of me to think it wouldn't happen, but she didn't stop calling.
When she squeazed Macy tight she looked back and saw me, her face beginning to turn red. Macy noticed too and raised an eyebrow at me. My first reaction was to roll my eyes at her, and I was stupid enough to do that. Why was it so fucking hard to be nice? Or at least normal?
"Oh my god, everytime I see you..." Alise trailed off when an old friend of Macy's came up behind her and embraced Macy.
"Oxford woman!" He said. Woman. He saw it too. "You're past eighteen now, right?" He asked and I felt part of me jump and I started coughing uncontrollably, not yet realizing that he was just joking. Alise also stared at the guy in shock while he and Macy watched me choke.
"Are you okay?" Macy asked, reaching out to me cautiously.
I cleared my throat and nodded. Her hand was inches away from my shoulder, but before she touched me and sent her warmth to spread throughout my body, the man named Justin wrapped an arm around her and pulled her towards to bar.
"How long are you here?" He asked her.
A larger man came out from the kitchen door and grinned widely. "Ramirez!" MJ said, pulling her in a side huge and shoving Justin away. "How'ya doing kiddo?" Kiddo. He was older than Justin, obviously, so he saw Macy as a daughter. The pattern was, she always meant something to someone.
While she was in Oxford and me and Xavier would go by, he'd always talk about her like she was a baby and that's what made me like him. He didn't see her the same way I did. "I'm good, I only came to say hello, I have stuff to take care of." She said cheerfully.
Someone who was eating stood up and approached her. Macy didn't see him until he spoke and when he did, she stepped away quickly, bumping into me and I took the oppurtunity to set my hand at her waist for a second.
"You're back." He said.
"Hi." She breathed out nervously.
"I... I heard you're getting married." He said, and took her left hand and his eyes widened at her rock. "That's big..."
She pulled away, "Who told you that?"
"It's been going around." He looked behind her and his eyes landed on me. "Is this him?" He asked.
"Oh n-"
"Yeah, who are you?" I found myself saying. It was stupid, but she made me stupid. Stupid bitch. Stupid me. Stupid stupid.
"I'm Bradley." He held out his hand and I took it. "You've got a nice girl." He told me, then he looked back at her. "Sorry for being so consistant in highschool." He spoke shyly.
Macy looked surprised at me but still found her politeness and smiled at him. "It's in the past."
"But it still bothers me." He said apologetically.
It still bothers me too.
"I forgive you."
"Yeah," He grinned. "You always do."
They shared a smile and she hit his arm in a friendly way. "Well, it was nice talking to you."
And they said their good-byes. He shook my hand once more and told me how lucky I was, then he walked away. Macy didn't have time to be angry or shocked or start to question me because Alise and Troy and MJ attacked her and I with questions. Luckily she got out of it saying she'd 'be back later.'
When we got out she looked at me incrediously. I looked back at her with nothing, because I didn't know what I wanted her to see from me.
Macy said nothing and when we got to my car I remembered something called chivalry(Jole told me it would be needed) and went to open the door for her. I saw the shock in her when she stopped and stared at me for a second, but she got in and I watched as her eyebrows cutely furrowed in confusion.
I started the truck and she bit on her thumb. "Where to?" I asked again.
"Hobby Lobby." She spoke quietly.
I took her there and it was a bit awkward. The tension between us thickened too, I tried to figure out what I should've done right because everything I thought was right, I ended screwing up. The only way to play it off was to act like I didn't care. And that's what I did.
When we got there she slipped out the truck with a hop, it made me remember there was still a cute kid I loved to tease in there. She looked up at the store and smiled, and when we walked into the store she stopped and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Mmm, I love the smell of this place."
It smelled like her, like cinnamon and warmth. Well, the warmth was mostly her, but I liked it because it was like her room for a split second.
She grabbed a cart and started off in the paint isle, only walking through it almost longingly. "I hope you know, I didn't come here with a plan on getting anything specific. I just knew I'd need something random pretty soon." She told me, like it was okay if I went somewhere else for a while. I wanted to be around her, though.
And watch how Macy's eyelashes hit her eyebrow when she stared at the top shelves. She wore makeup on them now, like a women would, only that was the only makeup she seemed to use. Macy tilted her head to read the description of student Sharpie's for work papers.mostly. I wondered why she would need all those professional things she bought. Her hair bounced because she was happy. It was shorter now, and it saddened me she cut it.
"Why did you cut your hair?" I blurted.
Her hand that was reaching for a packet of markers, the hand with the large diamond that sparkled at every angle, it froze for a second. Then she pulled back and looked at me. "I don't know," She shrugged, then took the markers and dropped them in the basket and looked at me again. "I needed a change, I guess."
"You have changed." I told her.
"I needed to. I can't be the same dramatic teenager I once was. I had to grow up, Jared made me realize that."
Jared was an idiot. Everything about her was already grown. She was perfectly mature. Now she was just distant. When I said nothing she acted like we hadn't just spoke. I didn't realize that was my fault, so I just followed her around while she dropped things into the basket. It didn't take too long and we were soon done, heading back into the truck once more.
"I'm hungry." I told her. She looked at me and I felt her tilting her head.
"It's still kinda early..."
"Where do you want to go?" I asked and turned my head. Her eyes were walled up like cement, and I had to guess what she was thinking, or feeling. It frustrated me further, being reminded that I could read her no longer.
"Uh, I don't know."
"Anywhere with a burger, right?" I tried to keep my eyes on the road but saw her smile.
"And not some girly salad."
I smiled back, but reminiscing together was just a surprisingly happy feeling I chuckled. I tried to keep it quiet and even stop but it felt good.
Soon I pulled up into Whataburger and she laughed a bit. "I know it's not a five star restaurant you're probably used to-"
"Oh I've been wanting to come here since I got back," She said giddily and got out of the truck quickly, running to the Ramirez's favorite fastfood restaurant.
I did something right.
Inside she ordered the same thing her brother would, an A1 Thick N' Hardy. I had to get the same. I looked around and realized the loud and obnoxious teenagers gawking at us, either her or me, I couldn't tell. "Do you wanna eat it in the truck..?" I asked her and she looked around also, then up at me and nodded.
Macy felt like my friend at the moment, it was a good feeling but with my insation I needed more, and I knew I didn't deserve that.
I'd never get far enough to deserve her.