Hey there everybody! I hope you are all well and I really hope that you're enjoying the new story so far. :D
I'm literally too excited to be publishing it, I can't believe I've gotten this far with it.
How do you all like it in Conrad's POV? I was so excited to be doing it I had no idea what to write. I could barely start because I had writers block, and I wanted to write and have him be a guy. Because it's hard to be a girl and try to sound like a guy when writing. You know, because guy's don't notice the things girls do, like what kind of pink someone's skirt is or what brand their shoes are.
Well forget my rambling and carry on reading my story.
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...
Why was Mason even here? It was probably one o'clock in the morning, did he not have better things to do than welcome some girl back to her town?
"I beat Mary!" He said triumphly, making Macy roll her eyes.
I looked around for Xavier and saw him bringing her things. He looked happy seeing Mason. He always did, and I hated Xavier so much for liking him. You can't have all the good things in one guy, it just was not fair. Respect, physical strength, mental strength, natural charm, humor, maturity, intellegance. Looking at Mr. Infinite lowered my self-esteem greatly. I was turning into a girl.
I didn't want to stick around and watch Macy look at him the way she was- with such admiration. She was asking him how he was and they spoke like old friends, because that's what they were.
Inside the house, I sat on the couch uncomfortably with her dog staring at me. "Hi." I said dumbly and I heard Xavier in the other room laugh at me.
"Hi? What, do you expect the dog to talk to you?" He shouted from the dining room.
"Fuck you, Xavier." I said back with pure annoyance and kicked off my shoes, layed back and fell asleep.
With every dream I had, I always heard her voice. It was when she wasn't home, it left me scared, sweaty, and in pain.
This time was no different, only when I woke up she was actually there. I looked into the kitchen and saw her hair and I heard sizzle and plop of her flipping pancakes. The aroma met my nose and I sunk back into the couch.
It killed me, and fuck, it annoyed me. I never wanted to be seduced, but that didn't stop her. Everything she did made me more and more helpless until I gave in and needed to be in control. The thing I feared in the end, I never was in control. She made me do everything I did that perfect night, and when we layed together I let things out when she asked me about the tattoo. I had no idea what was going on that last time I layed with her.
Reaching into my pocket I felt the soft velvet leather that I usually had around my wrist. It was the color of the deep lonesome ocean, and when she gave it to me I felt a little less lonely.
I remember getting to my truck and seeing it sitting there innocently. When I saw her name tons of emotions came to me and my self anger had left and I looked at her. She was looking at me for a second, but she turned away and I watched her walk up to her brother and I had no choice but to leave. I'll always be haunted by the memory of snow falling on her hair and her eyes so sad and embarassed.
On the couch I pushed myself up and walked into the kitchen. Macy's hair was wet as if just getting out of the shower and it almost felt like old times. I didn't know if I missed those times or not.
In the center of the entire kitchen was her monster dog just looking at me as if I was below him. I probably was.
"Hey," She said lightly and flipped another pancake.
"Why are you only doing one at a time?" My morning voice wasn't the nicest and I felt myself getting nervous again, so on instinct I was harsh to her. And it looked strange that she had a giant skillet on the counter where she only had one average sized pancake.
Macy sighed as if she heard that question a million times. "More than one overwhelmes me..." It was quiet but I heard her in this silent house.
I didn't laugh but I did think it was the funniest thing I ever heard. "Oh my god." I breathed out, hearing footsteps down the stairs. They were swift and bold- they weren't Xavier's, but he followed close behind.
Mason came down with a yawn and I felt anger pin me down. Had he slept with Macy? She was with him again all the sudden?
"I hope you don't mind, Conrad, Mason slept in your room." Xavier said casually but had a twinkle in his eye that was just mocking me. He must've known how I didn't like the perfect bastard.
"Yeah thank you very much." Mason looked me in the eyes and it was just so respectful. Sure, I was his elder, but did he have to be so formal to me?
"Welcome." Then I walked upstairs not wanting to see everyones happy faces.
I heard from upstairs, Mason cooing her dog and I assumed the dog liked him. Everyone liked him.
I hated Macy in these moments for making me feel like some lovestruck teenage boy. I hated her in that moment while I went to shower and pretend she still wasn't there, because it was too surreal. I prefered it when she had left my sight and left my mind- eventhough she didn't ever leave my mind. I only wished she did.
I ended up leaving to buy more cigarettes and no one noticed as I slipped out the door.
"Conrad!" Mr. Jole crinkled his old man eyes at me when I stepped into the garage of my brothers house.
"Hey," I'll admit I'm not the most respectful person, but with an old man like Mr. Jole who adviced me through so much, he was more than a close friend.
"How are you?" He asked, putting some tobacco into his pipe.
Mr. Jole was the oldest man I knew who didn't give a shit about himself for most of his life until he lost his wife. "Love changes the worst and the weakest." He had said when he told me the story.
Jole was my brother Aaron's father-in-law. When I met him, he was such an asshole, but when he talked to me we had this understanding going on, and we became close quickly.
When I left Macy that night I stayed in my room for a good period of time until I went to Jole and asked him what I needed to do. He smacked me upside the head and told me to go to her quickly before she's gone from me for good.
"Macy's back." Saying her name became unusual. It was like I had no right to speak it in the first place.
The old man let out a puff and raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
I stared at him.
"Well, what are you going to do?" He asked, handing me a pack of Marlboro's and a lighter.
I shrugged to him and had a cigarette lit. I sucked in with relief and Jole glared his old man eyes at me.
"Are you not going to do anything?"
"Why would I do something?" I blew out and he waved his hand, spreading the smoke around the air.
"You're a goddamn idiot." He muttered. "You're say-"
"Daddy, stop smoking with the garage shut!" My brother's wife, Andrea, said from the doorframe.
"Get your husband," He demanded, ignoring her plead. She got him and Aaron looked at me in shock.
We grew closer when Macy left. I knew I needed to see him, especially since I had struggled with drugs.
"Conrad!" He grinned and went in to hug me but looked at my cigarette with a look of uneasiness and settled for patting me on the back. "What's going on?"
"Macy's back." Mr. Jole answered for me and I stabbed him with a glare. He only chuckled.
"Is this true?" Aaron looked at me with a concerned expression and I shrugged again. It wasn't that big of a deal. It was only Macy. Only. Macy.
"What are you going to do?" Aaron asked the same question Jole had, and the old man chuckled again.
"I asked him the same thing."
"Why would I do something?" It was a low and mean question because I didn't ever know how to answer correctly with him. It was like I spoke with a girl. A girl who's thoughts were hidden from everyone else but me, and I was still left with no idea what to say around her.
It ended with both Aaron and Jole looking at me like I was stupid. "You're saying you have this perfect opportunity to fix things and you're just shrugging it off like you don't give have a fuck?" Mr. Jole's old man voice was hard and angry.
There was nothing for me to do, and I told him that. "She's over it. She's over me."
"How do you know?" Aaron asked me.
"She's friendly, she's happy. I can't tell what she's thinking anymore." It was a miserable confession but I said it in a quiet and angry manner.
"Well. Change that." Jole let out a long puff that blew into my face and I coughed, making him laugh.
"You're a sadist." Aaron said in disgust to Jole, but than looked to me. "And you're a masochist."
I laughed sadly but shook my head. "No Aaron."
"Conrad, you're being a pussy. I want to meet this girl who was so in love with you. You can't just be over someone that quickly."
"It's been four years, that's not quickly."
"Why aren't you there anyway?"
"Mason is there." I said lowly. There was no way for me to act like I didn't care at this point because I cared. I could act like I didn't when I was around her but when it came to being alone all I could think about was how I should have gotten there sooner.
Macy was stupid because she made me angry, she seduced me and she did it to herself, the reason I left was her fault.
Blaming her made me feel better- but of course I wasn't that stupid to think she did it. I was an idiot.
"Well go win her back, you dumb fuck." The old man said and I glared at him once more.
"Jo, please." Aaron said, shutting him up.
"How." I asked plainly- hopelessly.
Jole laughed again and his yellow teeth showed. He was a happy man now, but still had the pain of losing his wife. He leaned in and looked at me with glassy old man grey eyes and said, "Figure it out."
...
When I got back Mason was gone, but her friend Mary was there. Mary, I knew for a fact, hated me.
Walking in, her head snapped to me and I saw in her pretty hazel eyes as she tried to hold back a glare. It was alright though, because I hated her too. Just like I hate Macy.
"Good you're back. Now you can make dinner." Xavier smiled slyly. Something was up with him and confused me so much because I had no idea what it was.
Journey got up from laying in the kitchen floor and sat down to stare at me. I only stared at him back. Then he got up, on all fours, and took a step towards me. I instantly stepped back and Xavier laughed.
"Shut up," I snapped. "Don't act liked you weren't screaming for mercy when you saw him for the first time."
Journey turned his head to look at Xavier- who sat at the dinner table beside him- as if he knew what the two of us were bickering about, then looked at me and stepped forward once more. "I wasn't screaming for mercy. I was screaming for Macy." And Xavier chuckled at his own joke.
The dog was challenging me. The dog. So I stood my ground and he licked his lips like a lion, and began to circle me- like a lion. "What's he doing?" I heard Mary ask.
"He's just getting to know him." Macy said passively, not paying me much attention. She was too into some piece of important paper that sat in front of her to even look at me. I hated her.
"He's smelling him." Xavier said watching Journey watch me. He was a few feet away and had his wet, black nose in the air and sniffed. He didn't come too close though, like most dogs would.
"He's probably smelling the cigarettes, I can smell Conrad from here." Mary complained with a grumble. I shot her a glare too, but felt embarrassed at the same time. Macy probably hated that, she hated cigarettes. She hated my car, she must've hated the way I smoked too. But if she did, she'd turn around and look at me. If she really hated that I smoked wouldn't she glare at me?
She didn't, because she didn't care anymore.
"Glad y'all care." I muttered. But it was loud enough for Xavier to hear, because he looked at me a certain way, one I never could really comprehend.
Journey stopped circling me and sat in front of me. He looked at if he was finished studying his prey, a lion just waiting. "Are you gonna eat me yet, or what?" I snapped to the dog, and he looked like he would have rolled his eyes at me while he turned away and trotted back to his owner who planted a kiss right at his nose.
I wasn't sure if I was imagining it at the time, but I could of sworn she looked at me or a second, and smiled. An amused smile.