I've stayed with Tasha and Lucas for two days now and I have nothing heard from Marshall. I miss him and it hurts so much because I can't get the puzzle to fit. I feel so stupid if I take him back after what he did but I also want him back so badly because it's what my heart wants. I hate him and love him at the same time and it's the most horrible feeling in the world. I've cried a lot and Tasha and Lucas have been trying to comfort me but it feels like an endless feeling going on inside, is it ever gonna stop?
Tasha sits down on the couch next to me as I just watch the news. I don't really watch it, I look at the screen but my mind is somewhere else. Lucas is at work so right now it's only me and Tasha.
"I hate to see you like this." Tasha sighs.
"Sorry." I say feeling bad for making her feel bad.
"Don't fucking apologize man. You have every right to feel the way you do." Tasha says.
"I miss him." I sigh in a slightly irritated tone because I don't wanna miss him.
"Your love doesn't change just because he was an asshole." Tasha says and she's so right. I wish it did though.
"Unfortunately not." I say and there's a moment of silence.
"I just wanna give you a heads up; Sharonda is gonna come by later." Tasha says and I just nod as I really don't have any feeling attached to it. "And no bitching."
"I already promised you that." I say.
"Good. Thank you." She says and we sit there again for a moment of silence.
"I need to know if you'll back me up if she's gonna put this shit on me?" I now ask her.
"For sure, I mean, seriously.. Marshall is a fucking douchebag and he really fucked up this time." Tasha says.
"Indeed he did." I just mumble and look down.
"Have you had any thoughts about what you're gonna do?" Tasha asks.
"Besides burry my sorrows by drinking up my whole nightclub?" I ask smiling trying to make a little joke about it to make it feel less painful.
"Yeah and when you get real drunk and more angry then you're gonna call him." She says followed with a laugh as she knows me so well.
"Probably something like that." I laugh.
"Nah.. I'm serious.. Have you thought about it?" She asks.
"Non stop." I sigh. "I just feel like.. If I take him back then I approve what he did."
"I feel you." She says. "So are you gonna go back to New York?"
"I finally found him again." I say and my voice breaks. "And I can't deal with the fact that it's already gonna be over." We just started seeing each other again and I'm not mentally prepared to end it.
"Love is a bitch." She says. I wonder now how her and Lucas ended up being together because I've never heard the story. I don't even know how long they've been together.
"Talking about love.. How did you and Lucas end up together?" I ask now.
"Girl you know I don't like those sappy love stories." She laughs. Tasha don't like to be all romantic and tell sweet love stories but I know she likes the sweet fairytales.
"Come on.. I could use a good love story." I beg.
"I met him at a club and we started talking." She says not giving me much.
"Really? Is that really what you got for me?" I give her an attitude but still holding my smile.
"I went home with him where we just sat on the couch talking about old times and smoked some blunts, you know? Then one thing lead to another and we fucked." She says.
"How long ago is that?" I ask curious.
"About 1 and a half year ago." She says.
"So you have been together for that long?"
"No man. We just fucked basically until I moved in with him. You know us, we ain't good with feelings and shit like that." She says.
"Fuck you.. I thought you were at least gonna give me something." I laugh.
"Yo, things started getting sappy when we realized that we were in love." Tasha laughs.
"What's the sweetest thing he's ever done?" I ask.
"You're just a fucking hopeless romantic, ain't you?" Tasha now laughs at how pushy I am. I know that Lucas can be romantic if he wants and I know that Tasha likes getting treated like a real queen so she can drop the act.
"You know me." I laugh. "Come on Tasha.. Give me something."
"He once picked me up from work and took me out for a ride, he took me out to the beach where we just watched the sunset and drank some cheap champagne. We sat there talking for hours about all kind of shit but I remember it was really the first time that he fully opened up to me, you know? We went back to the car and he had blankets in the trunk so we just spend the night in his car and it was just so nice." She explains. I can't help but smile because I think it's so sweet specially because they're both some of those people you would never predict that would do such thing.
"That's so sweet." I say.
"Tell me how you and Marshall reunited." Tasha says.
"He came to my club in New York and I had to serve him in the VIP." I say making a long story short.
"Did he know it was your club?" She asks.
"No." I say smiling.
"And then you just jump into each other's arms or what?" She asks curious.
"Hell no.. Marshall was so pissed off at me but he ended up inviting me to his studio the next day." I say.
"And you didn't think that was a bad idea when you were engaged?" Tasha asks suspicious.
"Of course but you know how manipulated Marshall can be so he began saying that I owed him and the guys to show up considering how I left them and shit like that."
"Yeah." She says showing me that she understands.
"I visited him twice in the studio that week and the second time I came home to Kevin late, he was all up in my ass about where I had been and told me I smelled of weed. He accused me of cheating on him which I hadn't done so I drove back to the studio in anger and kissed Marshall." I explain. "I quickly realized that it was really stupid what I had done so I asked Marshall to stay away from me."
"Which he doesn't underhand what means." Tasha says knowing how Marshall is.
"A month later or something he booked the VIP at the club here in Detroit and asked Kevin to get me and my friend Melissa to serve for him. I was so pissed and when I got here I tried to ignore him but I soon caught myself acting like his girlfriend all the time I was here." I explain.
"He really knows how to play his game." Tasha says and he really does which is why I'm afraid that he tricks me into taking him back.
"Exactly." I say.
Me and Tasha talk for hours before Sharonda comes and when she steps into the apartment, you can really cut the tension with a knife. She stops up and looks at me before she sits down on the opposite couch of me and Tasha sits down next to her.
Sharonda and Tasha just sit there and talk as I'm just sitting here being the outsider which I'm not used to.
Suddenly Sharonda looks over at me.
"Marshall came by yesterday." She says. I swear if she's gonna make a stupid fucking comment about all this right now then I'm not sure if I can keep it together.
"Okay." I just say not knowing what else to say.
"He told me what a fucking asshole he had been and I also told him that I don't feel sorry for him at all." She says. I have no idea what to say so I just look at her. Where is she even going with this? "I actually smacked him for doing some shit like that." She smacked him? I look at her in surprise and I know she can see that I'm surprised.
"You smacked him?" I ask.
"Yeah.. Even though we have our disagreements then I don't think it's okay what he did. He loves you, I can really tell so it just doesn't make sense why he would do some shit like that." She tells me. I don't understand it either, I can literally make no sense in all this mess. I just wish I could turn back time and make sure that night never happened so I could just be happy again.
"No." I say looking down.
"He's a fucking mess right now and he fucking deserves it. He should feel shitty." Sharonda says. It's so weird that she's on my side in this. It doesn't make it cool between us but it's heading in the right direction.
"Yeah." I just say and it's not to sound arrogant but simply because I don't know what to say.
"So what are you gonna do now?" Sharonda asks me and now I think she's too pushy. Does she expect me to talk to her about my problems with Marshall just because she's finally found out that she was wrong?
"I don't know." I sigh and it's actually also the truth.
"Man.. If I ever caught Deshaun doing some sneaky shit like that then I'd cut his motherfucking balls off." Sharonda says and from what Deshaun has told me then I don't doubt it.
"It doesn't really do me any good. It doesn't really make me feel better or delete it from my memory." I tell her.
"No.. I know." She sighs.
"I just.. I'm just gonna go to my room." I say awkwardly as I get up. I'm so devastated and I don't wanna ruin their mood just because I feel shitty so I go to my room.
I check my phone and I now see that Marshall has texted me.
Marshall (5:09pm)
Can we talk? This is tearing me apart
Respond to Marshall (5:32pm)
I'll call you tomorrow
I'm no near ready to have this conversation with him today, I'm not even sure if I'm ready tomorrow.