Harry's POV
It was about mid day when I decided I wanted to leave the house so I was on my way to our old house. I texted Niall and Samantha to see what they were up to and they said it was fine to stop by. Not wanting to cause any problems with Sara, I brought Addison with me. We have enough problems as it is.
It felt weird to knock on the door of the house. I used to live here, usually I would just unlock the door and let myself in. But it was different now, it wasn't my house anymore.
Samantha answered the door when I arrived. She immediately reached for Addison in her carrier, using a higher baby voice. She placed her carrier on the kitchen table and took her out.
"Oh my gosh! Look at you, your getting so big!" She exclaimed, fixing her outfit. "How old is she now?" Addison was smiling now looking at the faces Samantha was giving her.
"She turns 10 months a couple days after we leave for tour so she's 9 months right now." I tell her, the least bit of happiness in my voice. I try not to think about leaving Addison, it breaks my heart to have to leave her like this. She's still growing and I hate that I have to be gone for most of it.
I looked over at Samantha to see her expression change. No longer smiling as big, she began to walk towards the living room. "Come on, Niall's in here."
I followed to see Niall sprawled out on one of the couches. His face was concentrated on the golf match that was projecting on the t.v. I couldn't tell you one thing about golf because I've never been good at it.
"Hey mate-"
"Oh cmon! That wasn't anywhere near the hole!" He began to yell, actually as if they could actually hear him. I had to fight the urge to make a inappropriate response knowing it would just confuse his frustration with the golf he was watching.
"Oh hey man, long time no see." He joked knowing I saw him just two days ago. "I see you brought the little one with you." He said, standing up and reaching for Addison.
Samantha swatted his hands away, "I don't think so, I just got her. You can wait your turn." She smiled, taking Niall's spot on the couch. I couldn't help but think about how they interacted with Addison. They treated her like she was their own child and I can't even get Sara to call her by her own name.
"So what's new with you? Have you been at meetings every day for the past three weeks like Niall has." Samantha said giving Niall a look that proved how much it irritated her.
"Well maybe if you were home more often than a few hours a day then I wouldn't have to do this alone!" Sara words flooded back into my head. I was starting to think a part of what she was saying was true but there wasn't anything I could do about it. She doesn't realize that if I could be home more than I would. I guess that's the sad irony considering the tour starts in under a month.
"Harry?" Samantha asked. I snapped out of my thought, forgetting they were in the room.
"What? Sorry what was the question?" Both Samantha and Niall looked at each other.
"You okay man? You've seemed kind of distant lately." Niall asked, a look of concern on his face. I looked over at Samantha to see a similar look on her face.
I took my hand and rubbed my face. I leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees, contemplating what to say. It was the pressure of their stares that seemed to affect me and the thoughts of how they'd react to what I was going to say.
"I don't know what to do with Sara anymore. It's like I don't even know who she is."
"What are you talking about."
"She's different." I said slowly. Now I had Samantha's full attention. She furrowed her eyebrows as if she didn't understand what I was talking about.
"What do you mean different?" Samantha asked, emphasizing the last word.
"I mean she hardly leaves her room all day and she's treating Addison different." I say, in one breath. They both look at Addison, puzzled at what I had just told them.
"No that can't be true. There's not way Sara could not love her own child." Sara retaliated, choosing not to believe me. I wanted to be wrong but I know I knew I wasn't.
"I know because you've known Sara for so long that it's hard to believe me but you have to trust me when I say that she's changing and she's not herself anymore." I try to explain but Samantha wasn't having any of it. She was choosing not to believe but it was hard to try and convince someone that's known a person all their life is now suddenly different.
It was silent for some time. The air in the room became thick with tension. "What do you think it might be? Is something bothering her?" Niall asked.
I tried to accumulate all my confrontations with Sara from when I started to notice a change in her.
"I will make her food but she won't eat it. At first I thought she might have just not been feeling good-like the flu or something. She barely leaves our bed all day. She's just not happy anymore. In the beginning it didn't look all that concerning but that was until I saw the way she acted around Addison."
"From what your telling us, could it be possible that Sara could be depressed or something along the lines of that?" Niall asked genuinely. I looked down at me feet, not wanting to consider the possibility.
"That could be possible but-"
"Wait you said something about her treating Addison differently? What did you mean by that?" Samantha asked passing Addison over to Niall. He took her with open arms and setting her in his lap.
"So won't even call her by her own name anymore. She refers to her as 'the baby.' As soon as I get home, she expects me to take Addison from her which I have no problem with but she's acting like she's some kind of burden." I tell them.
"I just don't understand how she can be depressed when I've tried to give her everything she could ever want." I protested. My voice was low, almost sounding like a whisper.
"Look, we all know what we want the end result to be- to get Sara whatever she needs to take care of herself. Even if that means getting her some professional help." Niall says, making a good point.
"You know Sara would never go for that." Samantha says, speaking up.
"Well as far as I'm concerned, if she wants to get better than she doesn't have a choice." Niall retaliates. Samantha wasn't accepting his answer, wanting to prove that her opinion was more valid.
Niall and Samantha start to bicker back and forth on what they think should happen with Sara. I sit back in the couch, quietly trying to piece everything together and think for myself. I was tuning out they're conversation and it felt like I was in my own silent world.
"I think I'm just going to go home and talk to her about all this." I mumble but their talking continues like they hadn't even heard me. "Hello?" I speak a little louder. Still nothing.
I wasn't going to sit here and listen to them argue about what they think should happen so I got up and made my way over to them. I retrieved Addison from Niall's arms, stopping their conversation for the first time in five minutes.
"Where are you going?" Niall asked, confused.
"Home. It was bad idea coming here." I began to walk away. "I'll meet you at Louis' tomorrow"
And with that I proceeded to enter the kitchen to fasten Addison into her carrier. With that I put my shoes on and we got into the car and drove home to Sara.
*
I get home in a matter of fifteen minutes and waited a few more minutes in the car before going inside. I was exhausted. Between spending all day in the studio to coming home and taking care of Addison practically by myself. I'm the one that gets up with her when she cries during the night and I don't bother asking Sara to do any other chores involving Addison because the fight with her just isn't worth it anymore.
Addison begins to get fussy when I start to heat up a bottle for her as it is a little over an hour past the time she usually goes to bed. It feels like the 30 seconds it takes the bottle to heat up is lasting so much longer.
Addison now begins to cry, her open mouth showing her gums and for the first time ever, I can see one tooth trying to poke it's way out. It's just one tooth in the front but as a father it seems like such a big accomplishment. Poor girl, she's staring to teeth and I didn't even know it. No wonder she's been so fussy lately.
When Addison cries, I feel completely helpless. It's frustrating trying to calm down a baby when nothing seems to be helping. But it's hard to get mad at her because she's done nothing wrong here and it's not like she knows what's going on.
Finally the timer on the microwave hits zero and I reach up to retrieve it. I screw on the lid and begin to swish it around, distributing the heat. As soon as I test it on my wrist to make sure the temperature is not too hot, I place it in my left hand, balancing Addison in my right.
Little cries are replaced with louder ones as she realizes she wasn't getting the bottle I had just prepared. I made my way upstairs to her room without checking to see where Sara was but I could grantee she was in our room.
I placed Addison on her changing table where she began to cry as soon as she left my arms. The sudden temperature change from her warm body to the cold surface she was placed on made her cries reach a new volume. I tried to change her into her pyjamas as fast as I could so the crying would subside but my fingers were fumbling on the snaps of her onzie.
Once I was done, Addison's eye make contact with the bottle and I gently placed it in her mouth. The room is now silent from Addison's cries as she begins to vigorously empty the contents of the bottle. I slowly rock her back and forth in the rocking chair, hoping it won't take long before she's asleep.
My eyes feel droopy as I sway in the chair. Little noises leave Addison's mouth but slowly they got quieter with more space in between them. Within a matter of a few minutes, it stopped completely and I took the bottle out but replaced it with one of her pacifiers. I waited a few more minutes to make sure she was fully asleep before I got up and placed her in her crib. I put my hand on her stomach, rubbing it back and forth to stop her from stirring and waking up again.
My footsteps were soft and spaced apart so I could quickly exit the room without making it known to Addison. I then made my way downstairs to my laptop to check any emails I received today. As soon as I grabbed my laptop from the living room I noticed it wasn't attached to the charging outlet. I signed, mumbling some choice words under my breath.
I picked up my laptop with the charging cord and brought them both into the kitchen where I plugged it in. I needed to wait for the computer to start up so I walked over the cupboard and got myself a glass of water. As soon as I filled up my glass of water, I could hear footsteps coming down the stairs.
"I was going to make something for us for dinner but I didn't know what you would want to eat." Sara said, reaching the last step. No you weren't. It's just another excuse for why you stayed in bed all day. I said to myself.
"That's okay, I ate already."
"Well I just came down to get a glass of water so I'll do that and get out of your way." She says timidly. I know I should say something but no words leave my mouth.
"Here you can have mine." I said unexpectedly, holding my water out for her to grab. A small smile is placed on her lips for only a few seconds before she replaces it with the glass of water. She thanks me before putting the used cup in the sink and heading towards the stairs again.
"Sara we need to talk." She stops walking but doesn't turn around.
I can see her look down and I barely hear her say, "I know."
The room is silent and dense. I wondered who would speak first but I have a feeling it wasn't going to be Sara. I had all these thoughts in my head that I wanted to get out but at this point they were just one big mess. Sara finally turned around so I could now see her face.
"I think we can both say that things have been a little...different around here lately." My choice of words were simple yet effective. She nodded her head, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.
"I think it's because I've been feeling not like myself lately." She said. I was happy that she was finally able to admit that. The harder part was still to come.
"How am I supposed to know what your thinking when you don't communicate with me?" I say softly, trying not to disrupt what we had going so far.
"I know, I'm sorry."
"What do you want to do about it?" I ask. She looked at me abruptly. It was clear to her that I had said something that she didn't want to hear.
"What do you mean?" She asked, the tone changing in her voice.
"You don't think you could benefit from getting some help from someone?"
"I haven't had any help before so what makes you think I need help now?" She replied quickly.
"I don't know maybe it's the fact that you're neglecting your own daughter." I retaliated, felling a bit irritated. She sighed and looked over to the side. It was obvious she was trying to avoid any eye contact with me whatsoever.
"Look at me." I was getting frustrated with her. We both know somethings going on with her and it's evident that she needs help. It's hard to convince someone they need help when they don't believe they need it.
She looked at me but this time it was attitude that was spread across her face. She didn't speak-waiting me to say something so she didn't have to. She crossed her arms, starting to act like a child does when they get put in a time out.
"I'm not going to some stupid physiologist so they can tell me how messed up I am. It's not going to happen."
"The fact that you don't think you need help just proves even further that you do!" I yelled, hoping that my sudden loud voice would convince her into at least considering some of it.
She began to ball her fists, it appeared I wasn't the only one getting extremely angry here. A few seconds later she started to pace back and forth across the floor.
All of a sudden she stopped all together and looked at me, a blank stare in her eye. This was something I had never seen before from her.
She took her finger and pointed it straight at me as if to start accusing me of something. "This is your fault."
"How the hell is this my fault?" I yelled, getting offensive. She was out of her damn mind if she thought that. When I looked at her again, it looked as if something had clicked and she had realized something.
"No, no your right, how could I have allowed myself to do this?" She asked herself, almost forgetting entirely that I was in the room. "How could I let myself sleep with you and get pregnant. This is my fault. If I wouldn't have gotten pregnant than I wouldn't-"
I was furious at this point. "Wouldn't what? Say it!" I yelled. I didn't say anything, refraining myself from saying what was brewing inside my head. "Goddamnit Sara just say it!"
"Then I wouldn't be stuck in this mess with you!" She said quicker than I had expected. It didn't take her long to say what was on her mind.
"So what are you going to do? Go move back in with your parents? I'm sure they'd love to have you back!" I retaliated, my anger reaching new heights.
Her eyes widened with pure ignition. A gasp left both of our mouths at the realization of what I had just said. I couldn't read the mix of emotions that were on her face and that's what worried me the most. Sure we were both at fault for saying bad things but I had no right to bring that up. All I could do was apologize for my own mistake.
"Sara I'm so sorry I didn't mean it, I was just angry-"
"Forget it, you've said enough." It was clear she holding back some well deserved tears. With that she turned on her heal and made her way upstairs. I let out a sigh, there was nothing I could do now. I could go upstairs and try to apologize more but what would that do?
All of a sudden my phone began into ring. It was Niall. I answered it almost in a state of shock and confusion with what just happened. "Hello?"
"Hey mate, just wanted to see what you were up to-"
"Now isn't a good time, Niall." I breathed out. I didn't mean to sound rude but it really wasn't a good time; I know he means well.
"Why what's going on?" I didn't like how he was being pushy but at the same time I appreciated it because I needed someone who I could vent to.
I took a deep breath before speaking again. "I had that talk with Sara and let's just say things didn't go as planned."
"She's not going to get help is she?" He asked, not sounding the least bit hopeful.
"That would be an understatement. We both blew up and said things we shouldn't have."
"I'm sorry man, are you okay?" He asked sincerely. This was just like Niall's character. He would always be the first person to ask you if you were alright in any situation you were in.
"I'll be fine but I'm not sure it's me you should be worried about." I paused, feeling ashamed of my choice of words I used towards Sara. "In complete anger and without thinking, I used Sara's parents against her." I admitted.
There was a sigh on the other side of the phone.
"I'm sure you weren't the only one in the wrong here but you know the affect her parents have on her." He replied. I ran my hands through my hair, tugging at the ends.
"How do you think she's doing?" He asked, I began to slowly pace across the kitchen. "Wait, Harry you should go check on her." He said quickly.
"I'll give her some space-" before I could finish my sentence, he abruptly interrupted me.
"No you don't understand, you need to go check on her now." He said, sounding worried.
"I don't understand what the big rush is, she's just going to push me away anyways." I replied, not understanding the urgency in his voice. I went over to the sink to refill my glass of water. I took a big sip before placing it on the counter.
"Harry you need to listen to me, Sara might be harming herself." His words were straight forward and they made my heart race. I didn't want to believe him but I knew there would always be a possibility that she would resort back to that.
"I have to go, I'll call you later." Without waiting to hear his reply, I slammed my phone down on the counter next to my water and raced up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
(A/N Thank you for reading my chapter as usual. Things are finally going to start picking up from here and I couldn't be happier! Like always, please vote, comment, and if you'd like, I'd love a follow!)
(Q.O.T.D How about we go back to one of the questions I've asked before and see if the answers are still the same! Who is your favourite member of One Direction? Mine is still and will always be Niall!)